Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1384703 times)

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #645 on: November 08, 2006, 04:28:48 PM »
speaking of Plthjnx....
....here is another one that reminded me of him:


 

MEN DO REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.


"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why
are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from is coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we
were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and
sensitive. "Yes I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when
your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail
for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.


He wiped another tear from his cheek and said ......"I would have gotten out
today."

 




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Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #646 on: November 08, 2006, 11:01:05 PM »

It's kind of quiet in here without "Happylanding" . . . :-\

I miss her . . .  :'(  :'(



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Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #647 on: November 09, 2006, 02:17:50 AM »
Yeah, although we've really gone thrue a lot of jokes here!  |:)\

I can take a look in my Aviation folder for my threads with saved aviation jokes and try to find some good ones that haven't been posted yet.

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #648 on: November 09, 2006, 06:17:41 PM »

It's kind of quiet in here without "Happylanding" . . . :-\

I miss her . . .  :'(  :'(



 :'(


Anyone heard anything from her?   

Last I heard it sounded like she was done in Britain...
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Firegirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #649 on: November 09, 2006, 07:08:30 PM »
Yeah, she is missed, isn't she!?!

Maybe I can help out:


A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed
appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However,
the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
 
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him
about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so
he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive
tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black
letters was the sentence.

 

"Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.  --- Jack Handy

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #650 on: November 09, 2006, 07:36:03 PM »
Sigh, both about Happy and my best friend Chey that've been visiting socal for a week so I've missed chatting with her, I can just say that this is one of the truest sayings in the world: Women, can't live with them, can't live without them (for me the part however is only because I can't get permanent residency in USA, otherwise I'd be moving now and this is not a joke btw).

Firegirl, that's the first time I can remember hearing that joke, what a great one on so many levels.

Frank
« Last Edit: November 09, 2006, 07:40:06 PM by Frank N. O. »
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #651 on: November 15, 2006, 06:10:06 PM »
I think I just saw happy logged in here earlier, but until she starts posting again I'll take the chance and post a joke from an old danish Garfield magazine.

Garfield: Us cats can take a nap anytime. All should be this lucky. With aircraft pilots as a possible exception.

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #652 on: November 15, 2006, 06:25:41 PM »
I think I just saw happy logged in here earlier, but until she starts posting again I'll take the chance and post a joke from an old danish Garfield magazine.

Garfield: Us cats can take a nap anytime. All should be this lucky. With aircraft pilots as a possible exception.

Frank

You were right, Frank! I logged off in order to write the mail!

Hello Mates,
I’m sorry I’m not having a lot of time to check in (not time at all, better said!)! Life has been quite frenzy lately. In September, as I had told you, I went to London to study Arabic. I unfortunately chose one the worst school I could have ever chosen and ended a six weeks of courses with a good amount of stress and no useful knowledge of the language, since I start speaking it now, that I’ve changed school.
You cannot say you know a language if you’re unable to speak at least about everyday life, even if you have a good vocabulary in other things and I was speaking like a toddler….and a stranger one, if ever I could find a way to say something I was not taught about (that means everything apart from all the things related to school life and some words that cannot be useful if you cannot talk as United Nations and minister of the interior)!! I really got p****d off by that school and sure as hell it will not have any good advertisement from my side! It was like teaching a language “turning around it”, if you see what I mean,  that’s surely not an academically and least professional way to work, with two arabs who surely never taught in their life, but since the language is quite requested, they found a way to gain money. They pointed a lot on the grammar side of everything, and I see now that the 4/5 of what I did was completely not useful, since you can very well speak the language in a perfect way without knowing all the subtleties they stressed upon, since nobody – apart from the purist of the language – use them. Nicely tailored course, since I had asked and paid for a 1-2-1 to enable me to speak, to converse, to understand! It would have been like teaching Italian in order to understand the Divine Comedy, or to teach English in order to understand Shakespeare’s sonnets, before being able to say good morning. At the end I went back to Switzerland for less then a week to change the wardrobe, for a quick flight, and came back to England for another course in another – and incredibly serious and professional – school. Unfortunately, the time I’ve to write into the forum is lately quite scarce, since I’m trying to cover the knowledge I should have had after the end of the other school and the extra of this one. In the meantime, probably due to the stress I “cultivated” shingles, that’s taking me to the edge of reason and patience and to my nerves, that means I’m not completely in good shape, and quite hysterical, but well….that’s life! At least until Xmas, I won’t be back home, and it could be that in January I will be coming back again to the UK for the same reason! So, time actually got a fast pace and the last time I entered the forum I could see that I had something new to read in every thread of the forum that made me feel how much I’ve lost! I will need some time to recover everything, but I will try (I can’t promise, though!) to post a message every now and then! I always think about you and I miss you all a big deal! And in the meantime, I will use this message to say a belated welcome to all the new chicks and chicken inside the coop, I’ve not meet yet! I’ll try to do my best to keep you informed! A big big kiss!  :) :) :) ;) ;) ;) :) :) :)
Happylanding!
« Last Edit: December 14, 2006, 07:54:47 PM by happylanding »
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #653 on: November 15, 2006, 06:42:16 PM »
Glad to hear from you!   Good to know everything's alright... albiet sounding quite stressfull!

Keep us updated when you can!
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #654 on: November 16, 2006, 12:29:35 AM »
Sorry to hear about your troubles :(
Me and my mom have now for years experienced one bad thing after the other despite really trying to plan and research before doing anything important.

My best and sincere wishes for a quick improvement in your situation.
Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #655 on: November 16, 2006, 05:50:58 AM »
YAY!!

Good to hear you're still alive and kicking, Happy!!
Good luck with the school!!


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Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #656 on: November 16, 2006, 09:48:19 PM »
Dear Happy,

Sorry to hear of your recent trials... how frustrating!!  But, you certainly sound like the kind of person who can soldier on cheerfully though 'most anything, so I hope it will go by and you will find yourself in an easier situation.  Stress gets old, so be sure to stop and put your feet up and take care of yourself!!   ;)   ;)

Hugs, the Soccer Mom***    :) 
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #657 on: November 16, 2006, 11:09:04 PM »
thanks Mates for the kind messages! :)

I just realized that my last message was a really complaining one, and I'm sorry about it (gosh, plus that I'm under the humour I need humour thread!  :) :) :) ). Life isn't so bad, even if I painted it quite badly.... I was just really angry because of what happened with the previous school! this courses are costing me all my savings, and I hate to think I've thrown a good amount out of the window since they are not for free and UK is incredibly expensive. and it is for that reason that I'm "overworking" now, so to "save" and try to reach the highest possible level of knowledge. And well, now I'm in a school where they really know their job. And apart from shingles, that's a really annoying thing, that often does not let me sleep, the rest is just stressing, but I usually stand the pressure, even if - SoccerMom, it's true! - it escavates some more wrinkles on the face!!  >:( :( :o ;)

So, here a joke. i hope nobody has posted anything alike lately, since I've not checked the previous pages.....

--------------------------------------------
Frequent Flayer's Ten Golden Rules


-No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
-If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
-If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
-Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
-If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.
-If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
-Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
-The crying baby on board is always seated next to you.
-The best-looking woman/man on your flight is never seated next to you.
-The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

--------------

Hugs to you all!
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Firegirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #658 on: November 17, 2006, 05:44:25 PM »
Maybe I can help out a little too. I found this on the internet!
Good story!
to all you girls in the forum: can you imagine????  :P ::)



this is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!!
 
This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the
audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever
had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was
absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
 
She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a
day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had
never met before.
 
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home
late that afternoon.
 
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about
an hour way from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!
 
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a
point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside
the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
 
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing,
so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
 
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and
indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could
think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing
nature of the situation.
 
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As
she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen
to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage
her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a
brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
 
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humour of the moment, she
answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply
that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some
assistance!"
 
He came around the car a s she tried to cover herself with her sweater
and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
 
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the
situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
 
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from
the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the
predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was
only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her
first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the
fender.
 
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show
prize hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." .... .....
 
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.!!
Jay Leno's comment . "This gives a whole new meaning to being' pissed
off."
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.  --- Jack Handy

Offline chuckar101

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #659 on: November 18, 2006, 06:14:06 PM »
Thats extremely funny, but that had to be the quietest drive back down the mountain.
WOW I did that!