Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1377983 times)

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1230 on: September 27, 2007, 07:41:48 PM »
And in some countries they have the OBLIGATION to vote.. Even scarier.. We had elections last week and I'm still sore  ::rofl::
Voting there involves getting SORE ::unbelieveable::-----I don't know if I want to ask any more about the where or how the election process takes place ::eek::

Offline catisfat

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1231 on: September 28, 2007, 01:25:20 AM »
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engine

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.  

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1232 on: September 28, 2007, 03:37:12 PM »
This video had me laughing so hard... And you though she was all that!
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline AirScorp

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1233 on: September 28, 2007, 03:47:00 PM »
Voting there involves getting SORE ::unbelieveable::-----I don't know if I want to ask any more about the where or how the election process takes place ::eek::

It's what happens 4 years before and 4 years after the elections that get you sore. ::sick:: The election is where you are reminded that it will persist.  ::rofl::

I hope I'm not talking politics here. Just being satyristic  ::angel::
It's all Greek to me!

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1234 on: September 29, 2007, 09:20:02 AM »

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

I saw this list previously, although they weren't all attributed to Qantas in that one.


I have to say that "could not duplicate" or "ops check satisfactory" are some of the phrases I don't like to find in the flight can in the morning...
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1235 on: September 30, 2007, 08:57:34 PM »
I don't usually like these heartwarming stories, but this one is truly  interesting...
 

 
In 1986, Mike Membre was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Membre approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Membre worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.   

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Membre stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.  Membre never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
 
Twenty years later, Membre was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.  As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Membre and his son Cantri were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Membre, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.  Remembering the encounter in 1986, Membre couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
 
Membre summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Membre's legs and raised him high into the air and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
 
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
 
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline 4X-NTY

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1236 on: September 30, 2007, 11:56:28 PM »
two cows is talking to each other
cow A:"have you heared about the mad cow disease?"
cow B:"yes! we are lucky we are ducks!"

two pillows want to have sex
female pillow:"do you have condoms?"
male pillow:"dont worry,im well covered"

knife:"hey fork,whats up?"
fork:"oh my god!! a talking knife!"

Nitay "Pitz" Ronen

Offline catisfat

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1237 on: October 01, 2007, 09:40:59 AM »

can you say 'oh shit ' at chicken wings?
cause i have a bucket full of' oh shit moments' that are just plain funny, not rude. crude, nude or vulgar,
just thought i would ask first ;)

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1238 on: October 01, 2007, 02:08:13 PM »

can you say 'oh shit ' at chicken wings?
cause i have a bucket full of' oh shit moments' that are just plain funny, not rude. crude, nude or vulgar,
just thought i would ask first ;)

I say go for it.
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline catisfat

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1239 on: October 01, 2007, 02:38:42 PM »
the G-man has spoken
you may live to regret this

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1240 on: October 01, 2007, 02:45:15 PM »
OH S**T's have to be balanced with ATTABOYS (or ATTAGIRLS--as the case may be) |:)\

Offline catisfat

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1241 on: October 01, 2007, 02:50:34 PM »
will do airtac
i am an "equal opportunity" offender

Offline catisfat

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1242 on: October 01, 2007, 03:48:10 PM »
fun family vacation! or an oh shit moment?

"sparky always loved to play Frisbee
sparky wasn't to bright"

bad cat,


Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1243 on: October 02, 2007, 05:01:14 PM »
Sparky became a meal for the Condors that now live in the Canyon!  Hehe.  ::eek::
« Last Edit: October 02, 2007, 10:24:50 PM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline catisfat

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1244 on: October 02, 2007, 07:12:43 PM »
all we have are buzzards
ok, who drew the short straw?
or is this just another " oh shit " moment?