Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1369390 times)

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1650 on: March 08, 2008, 02:19:02 AM »
PILOT cars don't HAVE bumpers.......   OR fenders.    ::sulk::

 :D           :D            :D             :D            :D             :D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1651 on: March 08, 2008, 04:22:08 AM »
PILOT cars don't HAVE bumpers.......   OR fenders.    ::sulk::

 :D           :D            :D             :D            :D             :D
|:)\ VW baja bugs & dunne buggies neither ::bow:: DonYan ::wave::

Trophy Trucks do... but they usually get torn off in the first 100 miles of a Baja Race   ;D

Here's an example,  http://smdmotorsports.com/

"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1652 on: March 11, 2008, 01:43:26 AM »
OK OK I HAD to put this in, this is a comic stirp called SWAMP down-under here, i though you guys might get a kick outta this one from last Sundays paper.  ::rofl:: 'specially the CFI's in here
« Last Edit: March 11, 2008, 01:44:57 AM by gibbo_335 »
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1653 on: March 11, 2008, 02:16:21 PM »
 ::bow:: Gibbo, that's great!  ::rofl::  ::rofl::  ::rofl::  ::rofl:: ::rofl::
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1654 on: March 11, 2008, 03:52:49 PM »
thats a good one gibbo  ::bow:: ::bow:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Fabo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1655 on: March 11, 2008, 06:34:51 PM »
Got this one on Lolcats now... coincidence?  ;D

"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1656 on: March 11, 2008, 08:38:17 PM »
In honor of St Patrick's Day, here are the following stories:

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
 
" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
 
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
 
"That I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
 
" Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
 
" Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
" For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
*********************************************************************************************************** 
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
 
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
 
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
 
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
 
" Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
   
 "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry".
 
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
 
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
 
" Oh my dear! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
 
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
************************************************************************************************************
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
 
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
 
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
 My husband passed away last night."
 
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
 
                         She says, "That he did, Father."
 The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
 
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun...'   
*********************************************************************************************************
THE BEST FOR LAST   
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
   
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
 
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
 
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.."

 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1657 on: March 11, 2008, 09:07:58 PM »
Hey R/C---we'll have to rely on TurboMallard to explain the duck on snow--he'll probably claim ducks are supposed to go to Florida in the winter (being float equipped and all that)  :-\

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1658 on: March 11, 2008, 09:19:41 PM »
Hey R/C---we'll have to rely on TurboMallard to explain the duck on snow--he'll probably claim ducks are supposed to go to Florida in the winter (being float equipped and all that)  :-\

I was just thinking that I have yet to see a Duck on skis...   ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony::

... or should that be a Ski-Equipped Duck???   ::thinking::

Best to have another round and forget about the whole thing.   ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking::

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
« Last Edit: March 11, 2008, 09:22:02 PM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1659 on: March 12, 2008, 03:32:38 AM »
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a CAD monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £5000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Engineer."  ::rofl::
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1660 on: March 12, 2008, 03:43:58 AM »
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a CAD monkey please."

Kinda like the re-post of this:

Helicopter Monkey

A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a government fire officer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a 6114 monkey, please."

The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the owner, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The owner paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that 6114 fire line monkey, he can cut line, Swat flames, lay hose, spray water, cut trees with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money."

The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one is a "helitack" monkey; it can marshal helicopters, brief passengers, hook up buckets, complete weight and balance forms, and load aircraft. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$50,000". The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world could it do?"

"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a Helicopter Pilot!"


Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1661 on: March 12, 2008, 04:06:17 AM »
Hey G-Man! Way to go!

Doesn't this hit home??
I mean since you're not flying fires while it's snowing . . .

 ::rofl:: ;D


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Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1662 on: March 12, 2008, 11:15:42 AM »
 "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Engineer." 
yep gibbo thats me a grease monkey  ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1663 on: March 12, 2008, 01:21:10 PM »
SOOOO Gman,
with the snow and all, how's your wrist? ::)

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1664 on: March 12, 2008, 02:19:01 PM »
Thanks for the morning laughs! Always good to start the day with humor ::wave::
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"