Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1369426 times)

Offline BrianGMFS

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #600 on: September 28, 2006, 02:17:47 AM »
Alot of native Vermonters move to Alaska because it's like Vermont was 30 years ago before all the Enviorment conscious Flatlanders moved in (the term flatlander is usually reserved for anyone from Massachusetts, Connecticut or NYC who moved to Vermont to "get away" from city life then decided that VT needed more stuff like the cities had)

Two guys that were in my High School Class live in Alaska now.... Both work for the state. Kyle works for Fish and Game in Juneau and Bruce is in Anchorage working for the States Atty office. I looked into going up there myself last year when I was out of work but didn't have the resources for the move at that time.

Brian

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Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #601 on: September 28, 2006, 04:21:45 AM »
What's your line of work again Brian?  There are a few occupations here (such as teaching) that will give money for moving expenses.

There's always this year or next...  ;)
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline BrianGMFS

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #602 on: September 29, 2006, 02:53:27 AM »
Well Unless I can find someone who will pay me $12.50 or more an hour (what I make now plus Bennies) and pay for my moving expenses (2 people, plus 10 dogs) I guess I'm stuck in the lower 48 for a while ;)

I'm working now as a Ramp Rat (IE Line services Technician) for a Part 135 Charter and Aircraft maintenance company (the biggest of either in Vermont and one of the bigest in New England). And the way My boss keeps dropping hints that he may be leaving, I may end up Line service supervisor before long here. So I don't think I'd want to move up north just yet.

We just hired a New King Air FO who was flying for L.A.B. air services in Juneau and we have a New A&P starting Monday who's moving here from somewhere in AK. My company has grown so much in the last year it's scary. we went from a hangar with 20,000 square feet total (including offices, parts room and the avionics lab) to one that has 30,000 square feet in just the hangar. Hired 6 more mechanics, 2 Avionics Techs , 2 additional line guys, 2 new charter sales people, and 8 pilots. Not to mention the purchase of our third King Air C-90 Bringing the aircraft fleet to 6 (3 King Air C-90's, a Citation Excel, a Citation Encore and a Canadair Challenger 601) Most of our pilots fly two of the types in the fleet for more flexibility. Only one captain flies the encore exclusively and one new hire Captain is only checked out in the C-90. Most everyone else flies the King airs and one of the jets except for 2 that fly the challenger and excel only. Heck, we even have a cool callsign.... Snowshoe

Here's a shot of our old building:


And the new one:


Brian

« Last Edit: September 29, 2006, 02:57:18 AM by BrianGMFS »

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"Take my love, take my land. Take me where I cannot stand. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me."

Offline Dillo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #603 on: September 29, 2006, 04:25:36 PM »
AVweb's weekly Short Final is a great source of aviation humor. Here are some of my favorites. I think Mike, Stef, and the forum members will particularly appreciate the first one:

-----
Heard at Republic Airport, Long Island:

Ground controller to a cargo Beech-18 taxiing in: "What are you hauling today?"

Twin Beech: "Ten thousand baby chicks ... we had a heck of a job getting them to put their seat belts on."
-----
(Two company DH8's on final into Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.)

Controller: CO1234, your traffic is company DH8, at your 11 o'clock, 3,000.

CO1234: Roger Saskatoon, have company DH8 in sight, too close for missiles, going to guns.

Controller: Roger ... please avoid hitting tower.
-------
Overheard following a Lear's very steep climb out of Teterboro:

Controller: "Lear 12345, after retrieving your passengers from the tail section, contact departure..."
------
Overheard on Tallahassee Approach during some very turbulent weather conditions:

TLH Approach: Cessna 12345, state intentions.

Pilot: Cessna 12345 intends to land without hurling ... somehow.
-----
More from our "Well, you ASKED!" file:

Pilot: Tower, Cessna 1234, what's the wind doing?

Tower: Blowing. (Laughter in background.)
-----
Reportedly true ATIS:

Big Airport International information Delta. 2100 zulu ... [weather, approach information, NOTAMs, etc.] ... Arriving aircraft contact approach at 120.3 ... [silence] ... You stupid machine, why do you always do this to me?
-----
Overheard while flying east from Dayton...

Approach: Cirrus 123, whatís your speed?

Cirrus 123: Now showing 200 kts over the ground on the GPS.

Unknown pilot on frequency: Thatís one fast-moving cloud!
-----
 

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #604 on: October 01, 2006, 08:21:30 AM »
Moses:  Ok God, let me get this straight...The arabs get all the oil, and we have to cut off our what?!

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #605 on: October 01, 2006, 08:28:15 AM »
Moses:† Ok God, let me get this straight...The arabs get all the oil, and we have to cut off our what?!

That's a good one,  although the more I thought about it the more I started wondering exactly at what point the Muslim religion established itself, I thought it was after that point that they split off or whatever they did.
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #606 on: October 01, 2006, 02:32:58 PM »
  HMM?   If you are curious about that, here's a link that might help.

http://www.explorefaith.org/neighbors/index.html

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #607 on: October 02, 2006, 01:21:31 AM »
Moses:† Ok God, let me get this straight...The arabs get all the oil, and we have to cut off our what?!

That's a good one,† although the more I thought about it the more I started wondering exactly at what point the Muslim religion established itself, I thought it was after that point that they split off or whatever they did.

If I recall correctly, Mohamed started preaching about 622 AD. So quite a long time after Moses.   Islam is really the new comer on the block of major religions, maybe in another 600 years it'll be as 'civilized' and moderate at christianity.

Phil

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #608 on: October 02, 2006, 01:45:59 AM »
My 2 cents: It's not the religion that makes people agressive, it's the people themselves. Thankfully many that call themselves muslims are not believers of the holy war nor are they terrorists. Of course in the current state of the world then that does indeed make it harder to identify friend from foe, but I still find it positive that far from all muslims want to kill all infidels (they simply do not have jihaad as part of their definition of islam, and many say it's actually a religion of peace). Furthermore, many different versions exist of all religions but they call it the same, also cristianity, some are extremely literal in their reading of their beliefs and imho act half-way nuts about, others are more down to earth and understand a joke from an insult etc.

There's more than enough misunderstanding in the world due to differences in comunication and too many people/groups try to put people into too narrowly defined groups. I for one reguse to be called a dane if people use it to guess my culture, interests, political stance etc. or blame me for those stupid drawings like some people did, one young american made a video singing that Denmark and danes all are bastards etc. and uploaded it on google video. That's kind of narrowminded isn't it?

Sorry for the very serious note but I thought it was important.

On a lighter side:

Adam was walking around in Eden but he was bored so he asked God for a companion. God said he could create a woman, who is a wonderful sweet being. Adam thought it was great and asked what it would cost. God replied: An arm and a leg. Adam replied: What can I get for a rib?

Now if you believe in the god this is linked to and can laugh at it then you can differentiate between a joke with no evil intention and a real insult.

And some more (I think this one is so funny :D ):
Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied, "I'm from the FAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride right seat." Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the FAA inspector brought his shotgun along with him, placing it in his lap, with his finger on the trigger. Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which the FAA inspector grumbled, "You're going to lose two on takeoff..."

Q. Why did Santa Claus ask Rudolf to lead his sleigh team?
A. Rudolf was the only one who was IFR current.

And from the Northeast U.S.:
"Morniní center, ABC123 Heavy checking in at 12,000 and 250kts assigned."
"Roger ABC123 Heavy, cross DRESR at 9,000 reduce speed to 210kts."
"Cross DRESR at 9,000 slow to 210, ABC123 Heavy."
From unknown crew...
"Yeah, we have one of those [Cross Dresser] at our company too."

And from India, where they use this as a classic example of 'standard phraseology':
U.S. Fighter pilot to tower: "This is chrome-plated stove pipe, triple nickel eight ball, angels eight, five in the slot, boots on and laced, I wanna bounce and blow.
Tower: "Roger you got the nod to hit the sod.

And from Sydney, Australia:
"Hold your push back QANTAS, you've got a Virgin with a tight slot behind you."

And one from Daytona, Florida:
"Tower, this is N123ER, how do you read?" "Usually at night, in bed with my light on."

"Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?" "N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here."

"American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?"

In the space age, man will be able to go around the world in two hours -- one hour for flying and one hour to get to the airport.

Ok and for those movie-fans out there, how said this(this is Frank asking, not part of the quoted joke)?
Flying an aeroplane with only a single propeller to keep you in the air. Can you imagine that?

Frank
« Last Edit: October 02, 2006, 02:00:30 AM by Frank N. O. »
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
ó Leonardo da Vinci

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #609 on: October 02, 2006, 09:55:10 PM »
Quote
In the space age, man will be able to go around the world in two hours -- one hour for flying and one hour to get to the airport.


Don't you mean 6 hours?

1 hour to get to the airport
2 hours standing in lines at the airport
1 hour waiting for late plane
1 hour flying
1 hour waiting for luggage and finding your car.

Oh wait, I just described flying from Anchorage to Fairbanks on Alaskan airlines.  And it only takes 7 hours to drive if construction isn't too bad.  :(

But my favorite 4 hour option:

1 hour - flight plan, briefing, fueling and pre-flight tundra toy.
2.5 hours - actual flight time.
0.5 hours - Tiedown, pay transient fees, wait for Bob.

Phil

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #610 on: October 02, 2006, 10:10:01 PM »
I flew commercially from Vegas to Reno today and it literally took me 90min ( :o ) to get through
security. I almost missed my plane!!

90min !!!!

Oh, did I mention my flight left at 0710 and I was at the airport just before 0530 !!!
Many people who left themselves 1 hour, like they say it takes for domestic flights, missed their planes...
And this at five in the morning. It's gonna take me days to get over that !!!

When I fly between Vegas and LA it takes me the exact same time to fly as it takes me to drive.
5hrs...
It's only an hour flight but just like you said, by the time you're at the airport and through security....
The only difference is, if I go the airline route, I can drink!   ;)
But either way it takes the same time and I am the same level of "aggrivated".....   :(


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #611 on: October 09, 2006, 09:05:55 AM »
Got this one from my high school Science teacher.

The 3 most traditionally underpaid groups of women decided to open a whore house to supplement their meager day jobs.

The secretaries got the first floor because everyone knows they're the best looking.

The telephone operators got the second floor because they have such sexy voices.

And the teachers got the top floor.

After a few weeks of business the Secretaries and Telephone operators noticed that all the men were going straight to the top floor.  Puzzled by this, they stopped on of the patrons and asked him why?

"Well, at first I went to the secretaries, but just as I was getting warmed up she said: 'I'm sorry, it's time for my coffee break'.  So next I went to the operators and just as things were really getting hot she said: 'I'm sorry, you time is up'.  So finally I went to the teachers who after I was finished told me: 'Now I want you to keep doing it over and over again till you get it perfect!'

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #612 on: October 10, 2006, 05:07:12 AM »
I flew commercially from Vegas to Reno today and it literally took me 90min ( :o ) to get through
security. I almost missed my plane!!


You know, if you had a 172 or something,  it'd be quicker than either option.  ;)
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline cj5_pilot

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #613 on: October 10, 2006, 05:26:45 AM »
Reno is currently the ONLY place besides Alaska I would consider living.  A lively jeep group and the National Championship Airraces.  Also, people thinking 50 degrees ABOVE is cold would keep me laughing for YEARS to come!
The average pilot, despite the sometimes swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #614 on: October 10, 2006, 05:43:11 AM »
Reno is currently the ONLY place besides Alaska I would consider living.† A lively jeep group and the National Championship Airraces.† Also, people thinking 50 degrees ABOVE is cold would keep me laughing for YEARS to come!

Yeah, I remember the weird looks we got from the people in down parkas looking at us in our shorts and t-shirts waiting for the gate to open in the morning!  Parkas! it was 60 above out!

Phil