Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1403898 times)

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1500 on: January 09, 2008, 08:17:10 PM »
Might be a repost but oh well.......

A Helicopter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
The Helicopter pilot explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."
"The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The Helicopter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Franz

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1501 on: January 10, 2008, 10:01:17 PM »
I think we all knew, but now we have the proof, Strippers don't only go well with beer, but also let you live longer . . .
Scientific Study

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1502 on: January 10, 2008, 10:20:29 PM »
Awww, but look at the RESULTS!!!   :(

What happens?!?  You end up with an AVERAGE GUY being around for FOUR OR FIVE MORE YEARS!!!    ::banghead::    ::banghead::    ::banghead::

 ::sulk::

Now.....  you figure out a way to keep the ABOVE-AVERAGE guys around a bit longer, THAT'LL be newsworthy.....    >:D

 ::rofl::              ::rofl::               ::rofl::             ::rofl::             ::rofl::            ::rofl::             ::rofl::             ::rofl::           ::rofl::              ::rofl::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1503 on: January 10, 2008, 11:19:07 PM »
Talking watches earlier.. I found the perfect male pilot watch--or Mom, I'm sure some of your Jump buddies could wear it--can we say EGO's..

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/PENIS-JOKE-LEATHER-WRISTWATCH-WATCH_W0QQitemZ230174742321QQihZ013QQcategoryZ31387QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem?_trksid=p1638.m118
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1504 on: January 11, 2008, 12:29:36 AM »
You coulda WARNED me!!!   :D 

Jeez, I about choked on my drink here....   ::rofl::

This is HILARIOUS!!  I may order one right NOW...  some pilot buddies will be in town next week for a meeting....  I can see some REALLY GOOD uses for this...... 

Thanks!!   ::rofl::   ::rofl::   ::rofl::   ::rofl::   ::rofl::   ::rofl::   ::rofl::   ::rofl::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1505 on: January 11, 2008, 02:38:35 AM »
Mary, if you liked that you'll LOVE the ultimate cellphone!  The Sumsing Turbo 3000 cellphone.

http://www.flixxy.com/sumsing-turbo-3000-cellphone.html

Order yours today!   ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1506 on: January 11, 2008, 07:22:07 AM »
Talking watches earlier.. I found the perfect male pilot watch--or Mom, I'm sure some of your Jump buddies could wear it--can we say EGO's..

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/PENIS-JOKE-LEATHER-WRISTWATCH-WATCH_W0QQitemZ230174742321QQihZ013QQcategoryZ31387QQrdZ1QQssPageNameZWD1VQQcmdZViewItem?_trksid=p1638.m118
If you'll look closely under "description" it says "UNISEX"---Gee things have really changed ::rofl::

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1507 on: January 11, 2008, 08:04:48 AM »
Mary, if you liked that you'll LOVE the ultimate cellphone!  The Sumsing Turbo 3000 cellphone.

http://www.flixxy.com/sumsing-turbo-3000-cellphone.html

Order yours today!   ::rofl::

HEY!!! i want one of those phones i wonder if my local ikea has them in stock   ::thinking::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1508 on: January 12, 2008, 12:44:29 AM »
My phone hasn't rung once today...  d'ya suppose it has something to do with me trying to do the dishes with it last night?   ::thinking::

ANYTHING to get out of dishes.....   ::rambo::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1509 on: January 12, 2008, 07:06:40 AM »
I was ROFL at the Thermometer part!!!   ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: 

Mary, please tell us all that you didn't try THAT with your cellphone last night?   ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1510 on: January 12, 2008, 08:07:54 PM »
i would try the tyre inflation trick but my phone does not have a sticky out aerial  ???
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1511 on: January 12, 2008, 08:35:27 PM »
Just be sure to turn off silent mode (vibration) when you take your temp--it affects the reading! ::whistle::

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1512 on: January 13, 2008, 01:57:38 AM »
Now, Airtaaaa-aaaa-aaaaa-aaac.......  HOW do you know that?!?!?   :o
Don't make me come back there!!!!

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1513 on: January 13, 2008, 02:23:09 AM »
Now, Airtaaaa-aaaa-aaaaa-aaac.......  HOW do you know that?!?!?   :o
DANG IT--I TOLD YOU TO QUIT CALLING WHEN I'M SICK.. ::rofl::

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1514 on: January 14, 2008, 06:27:42 PM »
 A guy has just settle down to read his Sunday paper and enjoy a cup of tea when 'BANG!' his missus whacks him over the head with a frying pan!

"What the hell was that for?" he asks rubbing his aching nut.

"For this bit of paper here I found in your trouser pocket with 'Don't forget: Saturday, 4:30, Lovely Marie.' written on it!" she says, seething.

"Oh darling," he says, "Lovely Marie is a horse I backed last weekend - I got a tip on Tuesday and wrote that down so I wouldn't forget! It ran at 4:30 on the Saturday."

His wife is mortified at what she has done and apologises. For the rest of the week she can't do enough for him.

Next Sunday he is again settling to read his paper after a long stroll, when "BANG!" his wife whacks him over the head with the soup pot.

"What the hell was THAT for?" he yells.

She stood there glaring down at him.

"Your horse phoned!"
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES