Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1391239 times)

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1530 on: January 25, 2008, 09:43:37 AM »
They ARE nice there...  we made just a couple of stops there last summer, but it was nice as always. 

You should tell us about your wild scud-running across the Rockies.....   :o
The Rockies------Well there I was......Dark moonless night, 13,000 feet, flat on my back, out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas when suddenly a Nor'easter sprang up from the Southwest thrusting me ever higher into the freezing maelstrom from hell, ice covering the entire airplane until at last, just before I lost conciousness, we plummeted down, down, ever downward into the black abyss, our speed increasing until the only thing you could hear was the shriek of wind in the flying wires as we passed the airframe's limitations, the turbulence so bad that it was knocking the ice from the airframe, yet somehow at this dangerous juncture, through superior skills and steely nerves that surely were God-given, I managed to wrest control of the wild beast back from nature's savage influence, yes, back from the very jaws of death we came, sweating and screaming, crying out thanks to Almighty God for our deliverance from certain destruction----grateful for a pardon from the disastrous fate that only mere moments before had seemed our doom.  ::sweat::
 We then entered the pattern at RIF, landed and went out for a drink.  ::whistle:: ::drinking::

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1531 on: January 25, 2008, 03:03:09 PM »
They ARE nice there...  we made just a couple of stops there last summer, but it was nice as always. 

You should tell us about your wild scud-running across the Rockies.....   :o
The Rockies------Well there I was......Dark moonless night, 13,000 feet, flat on my back, out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas when suddenly a Nor'easter sprang up from the Southwest thrusting me ever higher into the freezing maelstrom from hell, ice covering the entire airplane until at last, just before I lost conciousness, we plummeted down, down, ever downward into the black abyss, our speed increasing until the only thing you could hear was the shriek of wind in the flying wires as we passed the airframe's limitations, the turbulence so bad that it was knocking the ice from the airframe, yet somehow at this dangerous juncture, through superior skills and steely nerves that surely were God-given, I managed to wrest control of the wild beast back from nature's savage influence, yes, back from the very jaws of death we came, sweating and screaming, crying out thanks to Almighty God for our deliverance from certain destruction----grateful for a pardon from the disastrous fate that only mere moments before had seemed our doom.  ::sweat::
 We then entered the pattern at RIF, landed and went out for a drink.  ::whistle:: ::drinking::

Jim, as my late Grandmother once said to me, so will I say to you;  You are a Class A-1 Bull$hit artist!   >:D |:)\ ::bow::

About all that was missing from this yarn was the Me109 on yer tail!
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1532 on: January 25, 2008, 04:34:35 PM »
The Rockies------Well there I was......Dark moonless night, 13,000 feet, flat on my back, out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas when suddenly a Nor'easter sprang up from the Southwest thrusting me ever higher into the freezing maelstrom from hell, ice covering the entire airplane until at last, just before I lost conciousness, we plummeted down, down, ever downward into the black abyss, our speed increasing until the only thing you could hear was the shriek of wind in the flying wires as we passed the airframe's limitations, the turbulence so bad that it was knocking the ice from the airframe, yet somehow at this dangerous juncture, through superior skills and steely nerves that surely were God-given, I managed to wrest control of the wild beast back from nature's savage influence, yes, back from the very jaws of death we came, sweating and screaming, crying out thanks to Almighty God for our deliverance from certain destruction----grateful for a pardon from the disastrous fate that only mere moments before had seemed our doom.  ::sweat::
 We then entered the pattern at RIF, landed and went out for a drink.  ::whistle:: ::drinking::


And then............   he fell off the couch and woke up!!    ::bow::    ::bow::     ::bow::     ::bow::

(Man, you are GOOD.....  you don't even NEED 'the Watch'.)   :D   :D   :D   :D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1533 on: January 25, 2008, 05:00:45 PM »
Darn watch is in for repairs so I have to carry a brick in my hand just to keep in shape till it gets back ;)

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1534 on: January 26, 2008, 01:46:29 AM »
Sign over the toilet at Richfield UT (KRIF); :D

PILOTS WITH SHORT STACKS OR
LOW MANIFOLD PRESSURE MUST
TAXI CLOSER BEFORE USE........

HELICOPTER PILOTS MUST SIT !

(Hey!  Don't get mad at me--I'm just quoting!) ::)


So, Daddy airtac---were you the airtac out of RIF in 2006?---I flew Layla, and then LaFawnduh there during the last month & half of fire season...

I was there in 2003 when the medium based there was out of a company from Grand Canyon.  Did you meet the locals?   Nice bunch of folks, when I stopped by last week they threw a party and wouldn't hear of me staying in a motel--had a fun time! ::drinking::

Hmmmm..... I wonder if that little note in the bathroom was written in 2003 . . . .  ::thinking::

seems like somebody is mad about what G-Man posted a couple of days ago about the men you woman will run off with who are ten times better than you'll ever be . . .  or how did that go again?!  ::whistle:: ;)


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Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1535 on: January 28, 2008, 03:50:38 AM »
Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a
steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed
once.


Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side
of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein,
and even your hair hurts. Your a$$ is in perpetual spasm, and
the first of about five $hits you take during the day brings water
to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your a$$. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
*****

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon
*****

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;
Loquacious; Transubstantiate
*****


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
6.) Sorry I'm being such a jacka$$.
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1536 on: January 28, 2008, 10:51:41 PM »
"Hello?"

"Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
 
"No Daddy. She is upstairs with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."

"Oh yes I do and he is upstairs with Mommy, right now."

Brief pause.
 
"Uh okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that
Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
 
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
 
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it
Daddy."
 
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
 
"Well Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my god!!! What about Uncle Paul?"
 
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on, too. He was scared and jumped
out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know
that you took the water out last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the
pool and I think he is dead."

****Long pause*****

 
****Longer pause****
 
 
*****Even longer pause*****

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1537 on: January 29, 2008, 12:22:36 AM »
Too much gib! 

 ::rofl::
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1538 on: January 29, 2008, 12:37:52 AM »
HAHA---Gib, I'm still giggling-----That was good.......... ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1539 on: January 29, 2008, 02:10:48 AM »
OUCH!!!  ::rofl::

Imagine?!?!  ::thinking::

Nice one Gib!!
Made my evening!  ::bow:: ::wave:: ::rofl::


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Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1540 on: January 29, 2008, 02:38:39 AM »
Whee hee, Gibbo!!   ::wave::

 :D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1541 on: January 29, 2008, 07:08:03 AM »
Okay, I was asked this question today, and didn't know what he meant.  Maybe you will....... 

"What do you get when you have 32 helicopter pilots in the same room at HAI?"

 :D      :D      :D      :D

Answer:  "A full set of teeth!"                ::rofl::            ::rofl::              ::rofl::


Uh oh, I am gonna get it this time....!    ::eek::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1542 on: January 29, 2008, 09:04:58 AM »
 ;D ;D HEE HEE glad i could help with some comic relief. It had my spilling coffee everywhere when I read it!  Oh well it WAS a work keyboard.  ::unbelieveable::

Hey mom we had some removalists with that many teeth  :D actually I think they all shared a tooth at lunch time  ::rofl::

YEWWWwwwwwwwww

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1543 on: January 29, 2008, 03:25:26 PM »
Hey Gibbo..........What's a "removalist" ??? ??? ???

Offline Fabo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1544 on: January 29, 2008, 05:07:19 PM »
Some strange Australian animal? Kind of kangaroo, or koala, I dont know :)
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."