Humor....I need Humor!

[Frank N. O.]

ROFL, that's a great one! Hmm, I'm only 27 years old (although only for about 5 weeks more) and when I was a small kid my hair was light brown (not blond), later it turned very dark and now it's turning light again, but because of almost half my hairs have turned silver that is, I found the first one at age 18. At least I still have the same high but fixed hairline, my dad at this age was already going bald and I look a lot like him facewise (and personalitywise). My mom's dad had a full head of (pure silver) hair until he died in his 80s when I was still a small kid (very long generations in my family on both sides).

Here's one from one of my high-school teachers, told in class:
I went to a seminar on danish humour and the speaker was this calm man and he started "Danish humour is laughing at a woman falling on the street, that is not funny" and I thought, oh no this is going to be boring, and then the man added "unless she's really old HAHAHAHA".
This above is actually not a age-joke but a demonstration of danish black humour but I thought the story itself told by my teacher was funny. Btw happy, if you haven't read the whole thread then there's another school-experience of mine where I sadly was the target of the joke but a big laugh anyway, it's posted a few pages back. And in general, if you haven't read this thread in it's full length then bookmark it and save it for a rainy day since there are some dusies in there!

And now for some aviation humour:

"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the very first Fokker airplane built in the world. The Dutch call it the mother Fokker."
-- custodian at the Aviodome aviation museum, Schiphol airport Amsterdam.

Ok I must've missed that episode:
"Flying an aeroplane with only a single propeller to keep you in the air. Can you imagine that?"
-- Captain Picard, from 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' episode 'Booby Trap.'

"Son, never ask a man if he is a fighter pilot. If he is, he'll let you know. If he isn't, don't embarrass him."
-- The Great Santini, in 'Get ready for a fighter pilot.

Ok this one is an interesting one, aren't there any?
"If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins?"
-- Jim Tavenner

Lol, this reminds me of the Chicken Wings strip with the new DHC-6 and it's on topic with the conversation in the other thread.
"Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?"
-- Jim Tavenner

ROFL, personally I'd Rather Be Flying but each to their own, I just had to post this
"Arguing with a pilot is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while you begin to think the pig likes it."
-- Seen on a General Dynamics bulletin board

And now some from the "I bet someone actually did that" catagory

Controller November, turn right and report your heading.«
Pilot: »Wilco, 340, 341, 342, 343... «

Pilot: "Golf Juliet Whiskey, request instructions for takeoff"
Persons unknown: "Open the throttle smoothly, check temperatures and pressures rising, keep the aircraft straight using ....."

Student pilot (who forgot to ask for surface wind) "Please pass wind"

Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself"

Ok I've heard of a backwards King Air (Beech Rutan Starship 2000) but this one is new! LOL
Heard last weekend at Palo Alto while I was inbound from Leslie Salt:
PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, traffic is a Cherokee just entering downwind from the left 45."
Mooney 23D: "Uhhh, tower, 23D...only traffic I see is a Cessna."
Pause...
PAO Twr: "Mooney 23D, follow your traffic directly ahead, an, um, inverted Cherokee just abeam the numbers."

Actually all these are from an old html-page I saved years ago but some of those I coudln't remember having read before. Hope you enjoyed them, they sure gave me a better feeling on the inside that I got from the bad sleep I woke up from a short while ago, have a good weekend, and every day after that

Frank

[happylanding]

Frank, the ones you just posted are gorgeous! So, here we are. It was my first day talking to the radio:
HBCJV holding point......holding point.......God.......holding point George ready for departure.........

I just wanted to disappear as soon as I realized all the fu@@@ing things I had been able to say in a small portion of secs!!!!

[happylanding]

And Frank, before I forget, have a wonderful day you too!

[happylanding]

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

Wasn't it from airport?

[fireflyr]

Yes, that was Captain Over speaking---of course we should have Ted Stryker verify that.................

[fireflyr]

Her's one for all my farmer friends in sheep country.

Doctor Doug had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day
 long.  No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just
couldn't. 
 The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a
 while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his  head that
said:
 "Doug, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner
 to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And
 you're single. Just let it go, Doug"
 But invariably another voice in his head would bring
 him back to reality, whispering: Doug.............. 
 Doug..............
 Doug..............
 
..................... You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard".

[happylanding]

Poor doctor Doug!! 

And here you find another about docs........


It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.
Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crown, pushed her aside, and said
“it’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid”.
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said
“when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here..:”…..

[Mike]

That one is cute, happy!! 

Made me wanna ask: "Chuck, is that you?"

[happylanding]

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at a party?
A: He’ll tell you….

Q: what’s the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a fighter pilot…..

[happylanding]

Ooooooohhhh, how could I forget to post this???!!??


There is a mother with 3 daughters, who are going to marry one after each other in a short time. Worried for their sex life, she makes them promise to send a postcard from honeymoon with something written on the sexual life they have.

The first goes off to honeymoon and after some days mom receives a postcard with Nescafé written on it. Puzzled, she triest to understand, then she runs into the jar and reads “Good till the last drop”. That makes her happy.

Then she receives a second postcard. There it is written Benson & Hedges.
She searches for a package of cigarettes and reads “extra long. King size”. That makes her happy.

She waits during one, two, three weeks and nothing comes from the 3rd daughter. She begins to worry. Then, one day she opens the mailbox and there it is: the long awaited postcard. On it, just two words: British Airways. Now she is really worried.
Wonder what she read, when she found the ad?





Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways………..

[Sleek-Jet]

Yes, that was Captain Over speaking---of course we should have Ted Stryker verify that.................

Capt Over sir, you have a call from Dr. Ham on line 5...

OK, give me Ham on 5, and hold the Mayo...

[Gulfstream Driver]

Chuck is that U?

http://www.ilstu.edu/~jlcunni/itm.mp3

TM

That's an old Ray Stevens track.  We used to have a bunch of his cassettes.     (If anybody's too young to know what those are, I'm going to crawl into a hole and die.)

[Gulfstream Driver]

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

Wasn't it from airport?

It was Airplane, btw...

[happylanding]

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

Wasn't it from airport?

It was Airplane, btw...

good God that it's from airplane and not real life. I do not know if it happens to anybody else but I hate doing RTF. it is the less enjoying thing of all flights.....

[fireflyr]

> Moving to Texas
>
> Mark was sitting in an airplane when another fellow
> took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute
> wreck... Pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and
> moaning in fear.
>
> "Hey pal, what's the matter?" Mark asked.
>
> "Oh man... I've been transferred to Texas," the other
> guy answered, "there's crazy people in Texas and they
> have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, high crime
> rate...."
>
> "Hold on," Mark interrupted, "I have lived in the
> Bahamas and Texas all my life, and it is not near as
> bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work,
> mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good
> school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
>
> The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a
> moment and said, "Oh thank you. I've been worried to
> death, but if you lived there and say it's OK, I'll
> take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
>
> "Me?", said Mark, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck
> in Laredo."
>