Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378226 times)

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #105 on: February 13, 2006, 02:37:56 PM »
Is that really a real photo or edited? If it is real then it surely is a fantastic photo and a very calm dog. It reminds me of a commercial I saw of a Hughes (or whatever it's called now) helicopter with a helicopter hovering right behind a old farm porch with a dog lying there and then it lifts off and then a bird or something small comes by and that makes the dog react, but not the helicopter.

Frank

Dogs can be funny that way.  They'll stick their heads out a car window at 60 MPH and love it!  Yet, if you blow in their face, they'll scamper!  Go figure!
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #106 on: February 13, 2006, 04:51:17 PM »
I've heard that dogs and helicopters are actually dangerous.  Something about getting under the tail rotor...Know anything about that Mike?
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #107 on: February 13, 2006, 05:27:19 PM »
It's true!
It has something to do with the dogs not appreciating the sound of certain tail-rotors. There are quite a number of occurances where a dog ran up to the T/R and jumped up into it, trying to bite it, and so on...
...it's a mess! You always want to watch dogs when you're landing a helo AND you should watch your dog if you happen to be in close proximity of running helicopters.
And even a dog who doesn't mind the sound is tall enough to just run into it trying to zip around the back of the aircraft really quick....


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Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #108 on: February 14, 2006, 02:30:17 AM »
I didn't know that about dogs, I guess a dog isn't a helicopter pilots best friend then hehe. Btw about the commercial then I sadly don't have it, and I couldn't find it of hand, but maybe one of the avaition video sites has it?

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #109 on: February 14, 2006, 02:33:06 PM »
low time commercial pilot piggy bank:
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #110 on: February 14, 2006, 04:04:27 PM »
Lol thanks for another great one :D

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #111 on: February 14, 2006, 05:07:02 PM »
Q: Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
A: Because It Scares The Dog.


Q: What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A: A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #112 on: February 16, 2006, 02:46:21 PM »
Women's Friends: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The husband called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew what she was talking about.
~~~~~~~
Men's Friends: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed he was still there.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Firegirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #113 on: February 17, 2006, 03:35:08 AM »
 ;D ;D

Woman are evil by nature....
 
    A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured  alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.  She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.  "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender barely managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

 ;)
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose. --- Jack Handy

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #114 on: February 17, 2006, 05:39:05 AM »
Nice jokes, although didn't someone post that last one already or was that another place I read it? Anyway, a good one saying that women are actually smart! (I really hope this isn't a repost but I don't have the energy to scan thrue the thread atm):

Do you know who I am
An award should go to the gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

During the final days at the old Stapleton airport, a crowded flight was cancelled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F### you."

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry.

====

Why Airplanes Are Better than Women
An airplane will kill you quick . . . a woman takes her time.
Airplanes like to do it inverted.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
An airplane does not get mad if you 'touch and go.'
An airplane does not object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes come with manuals.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
You can fly an airplane any time of the month.
Airplanes don't have parents.
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown.
When flying, you and your airplane both arrive at the same time.
Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes, or if you buy
airplane magazines.
If your airplane is too loose, you can tighten it.
It's always OK to use tie downs on your airplane.

====

And now the Pilot's Prayer (a personal favourite of mine btw):

The Pilot's Prayer

Oh controller, who sits in tower
Hallowed be thy sector.
Thy traffic come, thy instructions be done
On the ground as they are in the air.
Give us this day our radar vectors,
And forgive us our TCA incursions
As we forgive those who cut us off on final.
And lead us not into adverse weather,
But deliver us our clearances.
Roger.

====

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #115 on: February 17, 2006, 06:02:36 AM »
Nice jokes, although didn't someone post that last one already or was that another place I read it? Anyway, a good one saying that women are actually smart!

HA HA !!!
That's totally possible. I would be the first one to take the blame too! :D
I admit I have CRS!
It has it's advantages though:
You meet new people every day, never hear the same stupid joke twice,... the list goes on...

I also couldn't tell you if there is a joke in here twice, because by the time I see it again I already forgot I already read it....
A.D.D. combined with C.R.S.   what a combination!! ;D


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Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #116 on: February 17, 2006, 05:18:57 PM »
Ok this can't be a repost, I would have really remembered this, and actually appearently this is a real thing but it deserves to be here!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Cessna-150-Drive-it-on-the-street-One-of-a-kind_W0QQitemZ4612652435QQcategoryZ26428QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

In the early 20th century there were propeller-driven vehicles made in Europe at least but this.....  :o ??? ::)

And about the salespitch then I'd have to say no I wouldn't look at the store it was parked in front of, I'd take one look at the plane, and then get the heck away from there because the person that had that must be nuts :D

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #117 on: February 17, 2006, 06:29:59 PM »
Airplanes come with manuals.

I think this is the most significant observation of the bunch.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #118 on: February 18, 2006, 12:07:36 AM »
Ok this can't be a repost, I would have really remembered this, and actually appearently this is a real thing but it deserves to be here!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Cessna-150-Drive-it-on-the-street-One-of-a-kind_W0QQitemZ4612652435QQcategoryZ26428QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

In the early 20th century there were propeller-driven vehicles made in Europe at least but this.....  :o ??? ::)

And about the salespitch then I'd have to say no I wouldn't look at the store it was parked in front of, I'd take one look at the plane, and then get the heck away from there because the person that had that must be nuts :D

Frank

HAHAHEHEHEH!!!
What an ignoble end for a little airplane----I love the engine, don't know if it can turn that fan thingy on the front fast enough to cool the pilot but it probably has a better panel then that 172 I've been flying.

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #119 on: February 22, 2006, 01:56:58 AM »
A man took his wife to the doctor. After many tests, the doctor told the husband "we're not sure if she has Alzheimer's or AIDS".

The husband the doctor what he should do.

"drive her across town and leave her there" replied the doctor, "and if she makes it home, don't #$@% her."
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown