Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1391260 times)

Offline Busdriver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2265 on: June 17, 2010, 10:54:35 AM »
It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.

You forgot the third and most important: Paper

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2266 on: July 15, 2010, 07:07:58 AM »
no Al Qaeda jokes please . . . I don't want nothing to do with that mess.
Hope you understand.

Mike
« Last Edit: July 16, 2010, 08:50:54 PM by Mike »
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Firegirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2267 on: July 24, 2010, 03:45:21 PM »
Learn from your elders


A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

 ::rofl::
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose. --- Jack Handy

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2268 on: July 27, 2010, 11:59:52 AM »
Haha, old wisdom is tough to beat!

These two beauties were posted at Racerplanet (the only other forum I frequent):

---

A Chicagoan dies and is transported straight to Hell. He's greeted at the gates by Satan.

Satan says to the Chicagoan, "Hot enough for you?" HAHA!!

Chicagoan says, "Well, it makes me kind of nostalgic. It's kind of like Chicago in June."

Satan's irritated. He increases the heat by a factor of two. The ground is melting. The air begins to burn.

Chicago, "Well that really takes me back. It's almost like Chicago in July."

Satan's pissed. OK, fine, he thinks, can't burn 'em, we'll go the other way. Satan shakes his mighty fist and the fires go out, and are replaced by sub zero winds and ice. The flames freeze in air and shatter into bright red shards.

The Chicagoan's face brightens to big beaming smile and he begins to dance around in ecstasy. "Cubs win!" he screams, "Cubs win!!!!!"

---

Does anyone know how to change the clock on my VCR?

Unplug the VCR. Wait until 12:00am on Sunday and plug it back in.

---

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline 4X-NTY

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2269 on: July 29, 2010, 06:49:07 PM »


 ::whistle::
Nitay "Pitz" Ronen

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2270 on: July 30, 2010, 04:16:05 AM »
It should read, "Low Manifold Pressure or Short Stacks."   ::rofl::

The airport manager at Gwinner North Dakota once hung a sign above the urinal that read, "Aim as if you were shooting an ILS to minimums with 10 minutes fuel onboard."   >:D ::drinking::

RC
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2271 on: July 30, 2010, 07:04:52 AM »
It should read, "Low Manifold Pressure or Short Stacks."   ::rofl::
The airport manager at Gwinner North Dakota once hung a sign above the urinal that read, "Aim as if you were shooting an ILS to minimums with 10 minutes fuel onboard."   >:D ::drinking::
RC
The full quote reads...

"Low Manifold Pressure or Short Stacks, Please pull forward...

Spray pilots...helitack or jump pilots...Please sit down"

Tis on the bathroom at KRIF....(Richfield, UT).
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2272 on: August 04, 2010, 10:49:50 PM »
A blonde walks into a doctors office. She tells her doctor that everywhere she touches, she feels pain. He asks her to show him.
She pokes her elbow with her finger, pain. She pokes her leg with her finger, searing pain. The doctor tells her that her finger is broken.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2010, 10:39:05 PM by FlyboyGil »
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2273 on: August 17, 2010, 08:05:07 PM »
oops sorry about that mike!
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2274 on: August 17, 2010, 10:39:17 PM »
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
 
 2. A will is a dead giveaway.
 
 3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
 
 4. A backward poet writes inverse.
 
 5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
 
 6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
 7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
 
 8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
 9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
 
 10. A calendar's days are numbered.
 
 11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 
 12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
 13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium
       At large.
 
 14. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 
 15. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
 
 16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
 
 17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
 
 18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
 
 19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
 
 20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
 
 21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir
       Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
 22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
       Out to be an optical Aleutian.
 
 23. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
 
 24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
       It was a weapon of math disruption.
 
 25. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
 
 26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
      Littering.
 
 27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
 
 28. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
 29. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 
 30. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the
      Grass.'
 
 31. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
       When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse
       Said  'No change yet.'
 
 32. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
       Seasoned veteran.
 
 33. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2275 on: August 19, 2010, 10:43:56 PM »
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with "IBA" or insufficient brain
activity read the posts with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Stef

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2276 on: August 27, 2010, 03:32:20 PM »
After all this time... we all thought it was impossible, but it seems they've found it:

The formula to understand women!

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2277 on: August 27, 2010, 11:31:14 PM »
After all this time... we all thought it was impossible, but it seems they've found it:

The formula to understand women!

Nah. There ain't enough chalkboards to explain them  ;) ;)
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2278 on: August 29, 2010, 10:13:29 PM »
That equation is wrong.......he forgot to carry the two  ::whistle::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline cj5_pilot

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2279 on: August 31, 2010, 03:16:50 PM »
It should read, "Low Manifold Pressure or Short Stacks."   ::rofl::

The airport manager at Gwinner North Dakota once hung a sign above the urinal that read, "Aim as if you were shooting an ILS to minimums with 10 minutes fuel onboard."   >:D ::drinking::

RC

The one over at Wolfe Lake reads "Low manifold pressure or Short Props, stand close.  The next pilot may not be rated to fly with floats!"
The average pilot, despite the sometimes swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.