Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1727587 times)

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1665 on: March 12, 2008, 03:07:04 PM »
SOOOO Gman,
with the snow and all, how's your wrist? ::)

HA ha.. The worst of it is.. I am on my two days off yesterday and today..and guess what..the weather finally broke and they are burning both days--I have been here for a month now and flown 2.7--on my last days off they flew 4.6--who knows for these two days. And rain is in the forecast for tomorrow thru Sunday ::complaining: Back to playing I guess ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1666 on: March 12, 2008, 03:19:31 PM »
Soccermom and Pipergirl -- never let it be said that I do not look after your very best interests.. ::whistle:: ::whistle::

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline AirScorp

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1667 on: March 12, 2008, 05:47:48 PM »
Dunno G-man, It looks a bit trashy to me..
It's all Greek to me!

Offline Fabo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1668 on: March 12, 2008, 06:05:15 PM »
Dunno G-man, It looks a bit trashy to me..

What do you want, it is free after all :)
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1669 on: March 12, 2008, 06:11:25 PM »
Soccermom and Pipergirl -- never let it be said that I do not look after your very best interests.. ::whistle:: ::whistle::



The fit might be a bit.... baggy  ::rofl::  ::rofl::  ::rofl::
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1670 on: March 12, 2008, 06:24:52 PM »
The fit might be a bit.... baggy  ::rofl::  ::rofl::  ::rofl::

Well--I think both you and Soccermom could at least try one on and post the pictures here and let US be the judge as to the fit.. ::thinking:: ::thinking::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1671 on: March 12, 2008, 06:36:08 PM »
The fit might be a bit.... baggy  ::rofl::  ::rofl::  ::rofl::

Well--I think both you and Soccermom could at least try one on and post the pictures here and let US be the judge as to the fit.. ::thinking:: ::thinking::
Well, it would Shirley add another dimension to Mary being called baglady.

Btw, The Swamp Rules!! I read it often when the danish Beetle Bailey magazine ran it (that magazine has now run for 36 years non-stop and is at issue 793 now and Mort Walker has visited here several times and we get special strips, including censored ones that you guys over there don't get :D).

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1672 on: March 12, 2008, 06:49:48 PM »
Gordy, you got WAAAAAY too much time on your hands :-[

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1673 on: March 12, 2008, 07:01:53 PM »
THE NEW BOSS

If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'

From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'
 

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1674 on: March 12, 2008, 07:14:45 PM »
Gordy, you got WAAAAAY too much time on your hands :-[

Feel free to come out here with a 40 gallon oil drum and a match....I need some thing to do.. ::banghead::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1675 on: March 12, 2008, 07:35:35 PM »
The fit might be a bit.... baggy  ::rofl::  ::rofl::  ::rofl::

Well--I think both you and Soccermom could at least try one on and post the pictures here and let US be the judge as to the fit.. ::thinking:: ::thinking::

BWAAA HAAAA, I laughed out LOUD when I saw this one!!

Love it, G-Man...   ::bow::

You obviously know what a fashion DIVA I am...  what a wonderful idea....  simply DIVINE, Dahlink!!!   Oh, and it'll go SO WELL with my Nomex...!!   ::rofl::

As for photos, mmm, well, uh....  that's a pretty scary thought!!!!!    ::whistle::

(For ME, not for Pipergirl!!!!)   :D    ::loony::   

The U.N. would probably come after me for torture, if I posted that one.....!!!    ::silly::

Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1676 on: March 13, 2008, 12:35:57 AM »
DANG YOU GILLY, there goes another cup of coffee  ;D opps and another keyboard too  ::type:: ::drinking:: ::whistle::
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1677 on: March 13, 2008, 12:37:16 AM »
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive double pane energy efficient kind, but this week, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last  year...
namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

"Hellooooo? It's been a year!", I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung
up.... He didn't call back.
Guess I won that stupid argument
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1678 on: March 13, 2008, 01:00:17 AM »
HEAVY SIGH  ??? we blondes are always getting picked on :'(

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1679 on: March 15, 2008, 02:01:21 AM »
 DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER


December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!


December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!


December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.


December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.


December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.


December 20
Electricity' s back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.


December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the *sshole is lying.


December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.


December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a b$tch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.


December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.


December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.


December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.


December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The B!TCH is driving me crazy!!!


December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?


December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his *ss. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.


December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.


January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES