Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378235 times)

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1695 on: March 20, 2008, 06:21:26 PM »
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher ex-plained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can
go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means
a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions
wrong.'
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1696 on: March 20, 2008, 10:57:06 PM »
Haha!  Great one, Happy!   ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline undatc

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1697 on: March 21, 2008, 01:53:13 AM »
-the content of the previous post does not represent the opinions of the FAA or NATCA, and is my own personal opinion...

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1698 on: March 21, 2008, 03:15:55 AM »
undatc, you need to view this thread I posted Re: Mallards.  hehe.   ::rofl::

http://www.chickenwingscomics.com/forum/index.php?topic=1301.0
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline undatc

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1699 on: March 21, 2008, 03:34:46 AM »
undatc, you need to view this thread I posted Re: Mallards.  hehe.   ::rofl::

http://www.chickenwingscomics.com/forum/index.php?topic=1301.0

I can just imagine whats going through their heads as thats happening.   ::rofl::
-the content of the previous post does not represent the opinions of the FAA or NATCA, and is my own personal opinion...

Offline rtrhead71

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1700 on: March 22, 2008, 05:01:23 AM »
A woman opened her refrigerator to see a rabbit sitting on a rack.  She was quite shocked and asked the rabbit "why are you sitting in my frig?"

To which the rabbit queried, "This is a Westinghouse isn't it?"

"Why yes it is.  Why does that matter?"

And the rabbit replied "well I'm westing!"

 ::banghead::

HOPPY EASTER EVERYBODY!!!
Blue side up?  Even over water???

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1701 on: April 01, 2008, 03:25:38 AM »
OK.  Who can guess what breed of 'Cat' this is?  Hehe.   ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1702 on: April 01, 2008, 03:45:47 AM »
I think you all can appreciate this one...
 

 


I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.   ::eek:: ::unbelieveable::
 
« Last Edit: April 01, 2008, 05:08:48 AM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1703 on: April 01, 2008, 04:48:16 AM »
INVISOCAT???? ???

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1704 on: April 02, 2008, 03:48:41 AM »
A buddy sent me this---most are repeats...but worth re-peating..


Pilot Philosophy...

The difference between a duck and a copilot?
The duck can fly.
 
A check ride ought to be like a skirt.
Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
 
Speed is life.
Altitude is life insurance.
 
It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.
 
The three most dangerous things in aviation:
1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Bonanza.
2. Two captains in a DC-9.
3. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
 
Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
 
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
 
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. NOTE: A flight with G-man is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
 
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
 
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
 
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
 
New FAA motto:
'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'
 
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
 
I give that landing a 9 . . on the Richter scale.
 
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
 
Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: 'You've got to land here son. This is where the food is.'

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1705 on: April 02, 2008, 03:52:19 AM »
Like the first one, G-Man!!   ::bow::

That really says it all.....    ::rofl::    ::loony::

 ;)
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1706 on: April 02, 2008, 04:03:46 AM »
This one is my favorite:

Quote
It only takes two things to fly:
Airspeed, and money.

I know its true, after having paid for my own type rating school!   ::eek:: ::unbelieveable:: ::banghead::


"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1707 on: April 02, 2008, 08:50:57 AM »
"If it's ugly, it's British" ? WTH ?!?  ::thinking:: ::unbelieveable:: ::eek:: ::loony:: ::complaining:
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1708 on: April 02, 2008, 02:36:42 PM »
"If it's ugly, it's British" ? WTH ?!?  ::thinking:: ::unbelieveable:: ::eek:: ::loony:: ::complaining:
While the Spitfire with it's beautiful wing might be considered aviation art, there are some like the Short Skyvan that resemble the box used to ship an airplane. ::silly::

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1709 on: April 02, 2008, 02:42:25 PM »
"If it's ugly, it's British" ? WTH ?!?  ::thinking:: ::unbelieveable:: ::eek:: ::loony:: ::complaining:

There is a reason that I never married a "brit".. maybe it was the circles I hung out in.. ::thinking::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........