Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1389940 times)

Offline SteepTurn

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #675 on: December 01, 2006, 01:32:25 PM »
HOHOHO.........

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow*** there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

 ;) ;) ;)

btw packing suitcase...
A husband comes home and says to his wife: "pack your siutcase, I won the lottery!" She replies: "Oh darling, that's great! Where are we going?" - "WE don't go anywhere, YOU go...."
 ;D ;D ;D
for climbing --> pull ** for decending --> continue pulling

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #676 on: December 02, 2006, 06:49:51 PM »
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
"Oh well...That's me before the operation........"

a wonderful day to you all! :)

Shudder - going to be hard to have a wonderful day now!  I think I need a shower.  :p

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #677 on: December 05, 2006, 12:24:06 AM »
Ok shifting gears, I just saw this at avweb and wanted to share it (both the joke and the site but I'm sure most here know the site).

Overheard while flying practice approaches at Sioux City, Iowa:
Tower: "Skylane Eight Seven Charlie, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area."

Short silence, presumably while the Skylane pilot questioned passengers on the transmission.

Skylane: "Eight Seven Charlie, say again?"

Tower: "Skylane Eight Seven Charlie, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area."

Again, short silence.

Skylane: "Ah, cleared for the approach, but what do you mean by the waterfall caution?"

Tower: "Waterfall, you know: Ducks and geese...Waterfoul."


That was a good one, and I for one never heard it before.
Seen just seconds before posting time at the right bottom corner of www.avweb.com

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #678 on: December 05, 2006, 05:18:30 AM »
Ok shifting gears, I just saw this at avweb and wanted to share it (both the joke and the site but I'm sure most here know the site).

Overheard while flying practice approaches at Sioux City, Iowa:
Tower: "Skylane Eight Seven Charlie, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area."

Short silence, presumably while the Skylane pilot questioned passengers on the transmission.

Skylane: "Eight Seven Charlie, say again?"

Tower: "Skylane Eight Seven Charlie, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area."

Again, short silence.

Skylane: "Ah, cleared for the approach, but what do you mean by the waterfall caution?"

Tower: "Waterfall, you know: Ducks and geese...Waterfoul."


That was a good one, and I for one never heard it before.
Seen just seconds before posting time at the right bottom corner of www.avweb.com

Frank

LOL, Good one!  wonder if that's why the ATIS here always says "caution - migratory birds in vicinity" instead of waterfoul?  Think someone in the tower heard this joke?  ;)

Phil

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #679 on: December 05, 2006, 06:36:04 AM »


LOL, Good one! wonder if that's why the ATIS here always says "caution - migratory birds in vicinity" instead of waterfoul? Think someone in the tower heard this joke? ;)

Phil

Don't forget the carribou!


"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #680 on: December 08, 2006, 09:29:38 PM »
The simple joke:

Two guys are walking down the street....  I forget the punchline, but you're mom's a whore.


« Last Edit: June 27, 2007, 09:51:55 PM by FlyboyGil »
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #681 on: December 08, 2006, 09:35:09 PM »
Men's answer to Maxine

Men strike back!

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it
----------------------
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

--------------------

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
---------------------
Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

----------------------

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

-----------------------

Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

------------------------

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

-------------------------

Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told
--------------------------

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

---------------------------

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

---------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #682 on: December 08, 2006, 09:51:33 PM »
Alabama Bird dogs (hyuck)!!
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #683 on: December 08, 2006, 09:54:57 PM »
Make sure you have the volume up for this one, it's kinda hard to hear

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/49/Relaxing+Car+Drive/
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #684 on: December 08, 2006, 09:56:22 PM »
The Royal family, and gas
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #685 on: December 09, 2006, 06:41:15 AM »
Make sure you have the volume up for this one, it's kinda hard to hear

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/49/Relaxing+Car+Drive/

"You're Moms a whore" and now this-------Son, you got toooooooooooo much time on your hands although I had to bust a gut on the first one (for ridiculous reasons)  ;D

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #686 on: December 09, 2006, 03:26:56 PM »
Make sure you have the volume up for this one, it's kinda hard to hear

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/49/Relaxing+Car+Drive/

"You're Moms a whore" and now this-------Son, you got toooooooooooo much time on your hands although I had to bust a gut on the first one (for ridiculous reasons)  ;D

As long as you got a laugh out of it, that's what counts :D
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #687 on: December 10, 2006, 06:09:52 PM »


For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity. :-\
-----------------------------------------


Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.


One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"  She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?


If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?  (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there's a logical explanation, but it escapes me)

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the  rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
 
 

Offline chuckar101

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #688 on: December 10, 2006, 06:16:17 PM »
Those are classic especially the Braille on the drive thru machines.
WOW I did that!

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #689 on: December 10, 2006, 07:54:07 PM »
LOL those are greats, thanks for posting them  |:)\

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci