Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1389898 times)

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1350 on: October 20, 2007, 03:58:35 AM »
OH Mike!!!  How TRUE it is!!!   ::complaining: ::complaining: ::complaining:
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1351 on: October 20, 2007, 03:11:31 PM »
The City of Healdsburg has opened a position for airport manager and there are a number of pilots who would like me to accept the position but because of the "Dead Horse Theory" in government, I don't know if I could handle the bureaucratic BS involved---diplomacy is not my strong suit.  I have enough trouble dealing with government wienies during fire season and to think of sitting through a city council meeting listening to some dumbass complaining about their 2 million dollar house losing value because of airport noise (house built 5 years ago-airport built 50 years ago) sounds about as inviting as a root canal without anesthetic ::knockedout::
I am convinced that "common sense in government" is an oxymoronical statement
I guess this isn't humorous but it does fit in with the dead horse theme :-\
« Last Edit: October 20, 2007, 03:13:21 PM by airtac »

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1352 on: October 20, 2007, 03:29:31 PM »

Chuck, I'm sure, will take offense with at least one of theses definitions ;D

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in
the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are
dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes ours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

 

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1353 on: October 22, 2007, 12:21:52 PM »
The Trouble with Outsourcing...



 Was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
 Got a call center in Pakistan .
 Told them I was suicidal.
 They got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1354 on: October 22, 2007, 03:19:57 PM »
The Trouble with Outsourcing...



 Was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
 Got a call center in Pakistan .
 Told them I was suicidal.
 They got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Great One, PG!!! ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1355 on: October 22, 2007, 03:55:57 PM »

THE DEAD HORSE THEORY AND THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT:


So True Mike. It cracked me up when I was looking at AOPA's website today...

Quote
Can flogging a dead horse ever succeed? The administration on Oct. 18 transferred the whip to the hand of Secretary of Transportation Mary Peters as she went before the Senate Commerce Committee and tried to resurrect the administration's FAA funding proposal. That bill had failed to get out of the starting gate in February.

The full House and the Senate Finance Committee have rejected the FAA's claim that the current funding system was seriously ill and the only cure was user fees, huge tax increases for general aviation, and a huge tax break for the airlines.

To read the whole article see http://www.aopa.org/advocacy/articles/2007/071022userfees.html
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1356 on: October 31, 2007, 08:14:05 PM »
Time to revive this thread...
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1357 on: October 31, 2007, 08:15:34 PM »
What to wear when your wife wants you to do some chores around the house...
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1358 on: November 01, 2007, 12:51:43 AM »
Poor Dog, and poor dude when his wife notices where he's been hiding, and can't you just hear her say: And where did you get the money to buy new clothes when you said I couldn't! (This is of course a joke on the stereotypical nagging wife, in real life I doubt many of those exist, and in several cases the husband probably did something to deserve the chewing out :D).

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1359 on: November 01, 2007, 12:57:26 AM »
Thanks for reviving the thread! I was missing my daily dose of laughs ::wave:: MUST HAVE HUMOR  :) :)
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1360 on: November 01, 2007, 01:40:08 AM »
Seen on the back of a Septic/Sewage Pumper Truck...
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1361 on: November 01, 2007, 02:25:59 AM »
 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1362 on: November 01, 2007, 03:36:29 AM »
(This is of course a joke on the stereotypical nagging wife, in real life I doubt many of those exist, and in several cases the husband probably did something to deserve the chewing out :D).

Frank

Your joking right.."dont exist"--bullsh*t--why do you think I am an EX-husband--twice--You have never been married huh?????
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1363 on: November 01, 2007, 03:58:05 AM »
(This is of course a joke on the stereotypical nagging wife, in real life I doubt many of those exist, and in several cases the husband probably did something to deserve the chewing out :D).

HA HA!!

Frank, you kill me!!  ::rofl:: ;D

"I doubt many of those exist..." that's a new classic! You truly made my day!

You're not confusing threads again, are you?!
This is the one with "pilots" and "firefighters" in it!! The highest divorce rates worldwide !!

You need to get out a little more and maybe find one for yourself.
The running joke around helibases here is:
Just find a woman you really despise and go buy here a house! . . . saves time!

(sorry girls, bitter ex-husband talking!)


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1364 on: November 01, 2007, 05:46:42 AM »
Sigh, and again my attemps at jokes with a dose of reality-isn't-that-bad crashes and burns.

No I've never been married (or in love, or had a date, my first kiss or even a crush) but the women I've talked to are nice and I enjoy just talking with them or working on schoolprojects when I was taking my student-exam (similar to US College I think) but I also know that most of the women out there are of a personality and lifestyle that just doesn't mix with mine and therefore a marriage would never work in daily real life and then what's the point? In my personal non-indoctrinated opinion you marry someone you love, know, trust and think of as your soulmate, love of your life, best friend and such knowledge requires some time and work to gather. However I know that most people are much more emotional than me and perhaps that overwhelms them when they fall in love and simply don't think further (not calling anyone dumb at all!). Honestly, I don't know, I have no knowledge/experience about the subject so I'm not qualified to comment on it.

I myself see life such as that things are wasted if they don't work in daily real life. Like, I'd love a Grumman F-14 Tomcat to fly in, but could I handle the g-forces it could pull? Could I pay for the fuel, could I pay for someone to come and service it? And what if that couldn't be done on my airstrip, then I'd have to ferry-flight it and then find a transport back home if it was say in another state.

Sometimes things in life work, sometimes life itself is against it so the best intentions in the world are powerless. Sorry if I offended anyone in here, either ex-husband or ex-wife.

Ok, an improvised joke I just thought of:
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck saw an FAA Inspector up ahead!

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci