Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1389959 times)

Offline Skygal

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2025 on: January 22, 2009, 03:09:16 PM »
The World's Happiest Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, five guys asked a girl to marry them.  The girl said "NO, NO, NO, NO and NO!"

And she lived happily ever after, and rode horses and went camping and rode fast motorcyles and traveled everywhere she wanted whenever she wanted and flew airplanes all over the country down in the burning trees and drank great beers from all over and jumped out of airplanes with SEALs and fought fire all over and mapped tropical thunderstorms and raised wolves and flew floats and howled at the moon and wore makeup only on Halloween and left the toilet seat down and loved every minute of it.

The End.


 ;)


Some need to say "I DO" more than once before they realize "I DON'T" and that the only reason the toilet should be up is for cleaning  ::)
« Last Edit: January 22, 2009, 03:12:24 PM by Skygal »

Offline vldflight

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2026 on: January 22, 2009, 05:33:45 PM »
Women and marriage are a lot like airplanes:

1.  They both can leave you broke.
2.  Both are beautifull from a distance, its that closer inspection that can get you.
3.  You swear a thousand times to give em up, but always end up trying it again.
4.  Alchohol and either one don't mix.  You can end up with an ugly one or dead.  Not sure which is worse.

NOTE:  To the ladies you may just as easily substitute Man for women in this.  Please don't take offense and fly over my house droping heavy objects on my person.

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2027 on: January 27, 2009, 09:53:08 PM »
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called 'Beer' .

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage'.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2028 on: January 27, 2009, 10:35:23 PM »
looks like I was one of many to have fallen for this Gibbo......but the golf course help line wont help me since i hate golf....any other suggestions?  ::rofl::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2029 on: January 27, 2009, 10:37:15 PM »
looks like I was one of many to have fallen for this Gibbo......but the golf course help line wont help me since i hate golf....any other suggestions?  ::rofl::
Uhm, how about a pilot bar? :D (ok I haven't even had a crush/date in my life so I'm really unqualified but still, I try :D)

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2030 on: January 27, 2009, 10:46:36 PM »
are you kidding Frank? me a traine mech in the pilot's bar? they will probably put old newspapers down on  for me to walk on to stop any oil dripping onto the carpet lol
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2031 on: January 28, 2009, 07:09:44 AM »
are you kidding Frank? me a traine mech in the pilot's bar? they will probably put old newspapers down on  for me to walk on to stop any oil dripping onto the carpet lol

Yup.  Gotta house train 'em... just like a puppy dog.  Hehe.   >:D

j/k
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2032 on: January 28, 2009, 11:59:50 AM »
are you kidding Frank? me a traine mech in the pilot's bar? they will probably put old newspapers down on  for me to walk on to stop any oil dripping onto the carpet lol

Yup.  Gotta house train 'em... just like a puppy dog.  Hehe.   >:D

j/k

Carefull Rooster or i might put a bannana or a potatoe up the jet pipe on your PC12......
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2033 on: January 28, 2009, 07:00:11 PM »
looks like I was one of many to have fallen for this Gibbo......but the golf course help line wont help me since i hate golf....any other suggestions?  ::rofl::

Oddy, the local aero club (even some R/C Model Aero Clubs) have members of the same help community mate :D  ::drinking::
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Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2034 on: January 29, 2009, 08:49:53 AM »
Been grounded for a while Gibbo so have not been out to the club site recently.
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2035 on: January 30, 2009, 02:54:56 PM »
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Ragwing

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2036 on: February 01, 2009, 01:55:26 AM »
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:

"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
 ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony::
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:

The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking,
I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"
 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2037 on: February 04, 2009, 01:16:11 AM »
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a
repairman.  Since she had to go to work the next day,
she told the repairman, I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and
I'll mail you a cheque.'

'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike.  He won't
bother you.

But, whatever you do, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances,
talk to my parrot!'

'I MUST STRESS TO YOU:  DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!'

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the
following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking
dog he had ever seen.  But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with
his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer
and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!'

IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2038 on: February 05, 2009, 06:51:47 PM »
Long winters will do this to people.........


"Snorkeling in Northern Ontario":



Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2039 on: February 05, 2009, 06:57:21 PM »
Long winters will do this to people.........


"Snorkeling in Northern Ontario":





 ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall