Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1377974 times)

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1020 on: May 29, 2007, 12:54:11 AM »
Ha ha Gilly, you are too funny.  I have been told I have a nice smile -- okay -- I admit that part -- but the point I was trying to make is that Happy is SO cute (along with her smile) and I am, well, uh, better suited for radio.   :D 

Kind of like comparing roses (Happy!) to a bristlecone pine (Mom!).....  which, you can be assured, the jumpers routinely remind me is "The oldest living organism on the planet -- after you, Mary!"    ;D

 ::wave::
OH MOMMY, the abuse you endure from them young peckerwoods makes me crazy ::loony::
Rest assured, my little mountain flower, that your mature elan far surpasses the shallow expectations that these inexperienced adrenaline junkies can possibly imagine |:)\

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1021 on: May 29, 2007, 08:01:27 PM »
Ha ha, well, yeah, I guess it all falls into the "Abuse" category.  But -- if it wasn't like this -- what would I do for entertainment?!?

Last year we were all admiring a natural history display (in PUBLIC) that was a massive slice of an ancient bristlecone pine.  They live to be thousands of years old...  and this one had the typical little slips of paper pasted to the tree rings, pointing out such fascinating things as "Jesus is Born", "Renaissance Begins", "Columbus Discovers America", etc., etc. 

One of the older jumpers leaned over and whispered "Mary Goes on Her First Fire Call".

Ahhhh...  children......    :-*
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1022 on: June 03, 2007, 04:54:35 AM »
Wisecracking duck

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CXQkY_l8lIM

Ouchie...

TM
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Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1023 on: June 04, 2007, 12:18:48 AM »
HA HA TM too funny..."that's gunna leave a mark!!"  ::rofl::
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1024 on: June 04, 2007, 12:50:12 AM »
is he giving me a receipt?

HA HA HA  ::rofl::  ::rofl::

very creative, Duck!


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1025 on: June 04, 2007, 03:13:18 PM »
"Do not read this signature under penalty of law."

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1026 on: June 05, 2007, 04:13:20 AM »
A man was fishing. He began his outing with a 25kg Kingfish on the first drop and a 20kg snapper on the second. On the third drop he had just scored his first ever (GT), Giant Trevalley when his mobile phone rang.  It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition in ICU.
 
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving, what was shaping up to be, his best ever fishing trip.  He decided to get in a couple of more drifts before heading to the hospital.
 
He ended up catching several personal bests, and all in all, had his best days fishing by far.  He was jubilant.... then he remembered his wife.  ::eek:: Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital.
 
He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wifeʼs condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and kept fishing didn't you!  I hope you're proud of yourself!  While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself on the ocean, your wife has been languishing in the ICU!  It's just as well you went ahead and finished the fishing because it will be more than likely your last!" "For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"
 
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor snickered and said, "Just stuffing with you mate. She's dead. What'd you catch?"
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1027 on: June 05, 2007, 08:26:25 PM »
Can definately tell that is an Aussie joke.  ;)
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1028 on: June 05, 2007, 10:15:03 PM »
 ;D Hee hee Baradium....dunno how  ::rofl::  ;)
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline RagDragger

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1029 on: June 06, 2007, 04:18:53 AM »
That last one's demented.  I love it!
God looks out for drunks and dumb animals.  Fortunately, I qualify on both counts.

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1030 on: June 06, 2007, 09:37:11 PM »
A BOWL of LIFESAVERS
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using
a
bowl of Lifesavers candy.

The children began to say:
" Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
"Orange.......orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.
After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue. It is what your mother may
some times call your father."

One blonde little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and
yelled:

"Oh My God!!!! They're a$$holes!

 ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1031 on: June 07, 2007, 01:52:51 PM »
Heh, that's an oldie but it still tickles me ;D

Rooster, it's good to have another driver/pilot on the forum for that warped sense of humor |:)\

I don't tell too many people I was a truckdriver---never did admit it to my Mom though, she would have been so disappointed because she always thought I played piano in a cathouse ::whistle::

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1032 on: June 08, 2007, 01:26:09 AM »
Heh, that's an oldie but it still tickles me ;D

Rooster, it's good to have another driver/pilot on the forum for that warped sense of humor |:)\

I don't tell too many people I was a truckdriver---never did admit it to my Mom though, she would have been so disappointed because she always thought I played piano in a cathouse ::whistle::

That's still one of my favorites! ::bow::  I used to have that line on a bumper sticker!  Hehe ::cowboy::
« Last Edit: June 09, 2007, 12:49:55 PM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1033 on: June 08, 2007, 08:42:41 PM »
Only in America AND CANADA.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America And Canada......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries -  and a diet coke.

Only in America and Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then
chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America and Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America and Canada......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight.

EVER WONDER ....

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline    "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do, a "practice"? (Could it be because
they are a practice in patience [pun intended]?  lol - R.)

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on Airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If flying is so safe, why do they call an airport,  "terminal"?
« Last Edit: June 09, 2007, 02:19:27 AM by FlyboyGil »
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Fabo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1034 on: June 09, 2007, 11:42:49 AM »
Only in America and Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Not truth. We (the family) have been doing this for about year. Got the junk from garage last week finally  ;D

Quote
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Cause they use mouth opened more frequently than closed?

Quote
Why don't you ever see the headline    "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Cause you have forgotten to buy the newpaper?

Quote
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

To show the need.

Quote
Why is it that doctors call what they do, a "practice"? (Could it be because
they are a practice in patience [pun intended]?  lol - R.)

Cause it is, practice.

Quote
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
I wonder as well.

Quote
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Cause he is about to have all of your dreams broken?

Quote
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Dunno. We call it stoppage...

Quote
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

There would be, if cats have made it.

Quote
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

To make sure one dies from what THEY want to.

Quote
You know that indestructible black box that is used on Airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

News wouldnt have something to write about...

Quote
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

It does!

Quote
If flying is so safe, why do they call an airport,  "terminal"?

Terminates your pedestrian life and takes yyou to the height of flying.
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."