Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1391248 times)

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #630 on: October 15, 2006, 02:19:29 AM »
AND the both can kill ya if you don't pay attention !!



AND you never wanna tell your mama you're doing either !!!  ;)


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fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #631 on: October 15, 2006, 02:33:35 AM »
AND the both can kill ya if you don't pay attention !!



AND you never wanna tell your mama you're doing either !!! ;)
Absolutely don't tell mama----my mom was proud of me because she thought I played piano in a cathouse---she'd been dissapointed to know that I flew airplanes for money! :'(

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #632 on: October 15, 2006, 03:00:49 AM »
AND you never wanna tell your mama you're doing either !!! ;)

Haha!

Didn't really apply in my case though, come from a family of pilots. 

Be hard to explain parental flight benefits without telling her too.   

"Hey Mom, you get some new flight benefits with this airline you've never heard of!"

"Really?  How's that?"

"It's becasue.... uh... because I'm really good on the piano!"


You could also add in your favorite false shocker (something she'd hear wrong that you then explain away) to change the subject so she forgets about it.  ;)
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #633 on: October 21, 2006, 12:02:12 AM »
AND the both can kill ya if you don't pay attention !!



AND you never wanna tell your mama you're doing either !!! ;)
Absolutely don't tell mama----my mom was proud of me because she thought I played piano in a cathouse---she'd been dissapointed to know that I flew airplanes for money! :'(
ROFL that was a great one! Ah, cathouse, good old words, much nicer sounding than PC'ness in my opinion, and it makes "senior citizens" be hip again! |:)\ (Note: It was a joke on the word Senior Citizen sounding so distant to aging, not calling anyone here old/ancient etc. especially not Jim).

And here's one I just heard on comedy radio, Garrison Kellar and Co. The Art of the Rimshot, I've never heard this one before and I don't condone this in real life but as a joke only then it's great!
"A cop was monitoring a parkinglot and a man stumbles over and tries 30 cars before finally opening the door of his own and falls asleep at the wheel. The other cars get in an drive away and finally the man wakes up and starts driving and the cop pulls him over. They take a alchohol test and it reads 0.0% blood alchohol level. The cop asks "how can this be?" and the man answers "tonight's my time to be the decoy"".

Frank
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Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #634 on: October 22, 2006, 09:36:32 PM »


And here's one I just heard on comedy radio, Garrison Kellar and Co. The Art of the Rimshot, I've never heard this one before and I don't condone this in real life but as a joke only then it's great!
"A cop was monitoring a parkinglot and a man stumbles over and tries 30 cars before finally opening the door of his own and falls asleep at the wheel. The other cars get in an drive away and finally the man wakes up and starts driving and the cop pulls him over. They take a alchohol test and it reads 0.0% blood alchohol level. The cop asks "how can this be?" and the man answers "tonight's my time to be the decoy"".

Frank

I heard a similiar one, but the guy was stumbling around and having trouble getting into his car and events such as that while everyone drove off...  in the US they can give you a DUI for being in the car, the engine doesn't have to be running, hence the different version...
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #635 on: October 23, 2006, 07:57:21 PM »
The Boy and the Frog

A boy was walking past a pond when a little frog called out "little boy!  I'm really a beautiful princess who's been cursed, if you kiss me I'll turn back into my true form!"  The boy stopped, picked up the frog, smiled and continued down the road.

A bit later the frog called out again "Little boy, if you kiss me and turn me back into my true form I'll do any favor you ask of me!"  The boy smilled again, and continued walking.

Now the frog was really getting desperate "Little boy, Please kiss me and turn me back to my true self.  I'm really a very beautiful princess, I'll do anything you ask and be your girlfriend as long as you want!"  The boy smiled and said "I'm an engineer, I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is really cool!"

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #636 on: October 25, 2006, 07:53:48 PM »
"A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #637 on: October 26, 2006, 04:48:22 PM »
Speed Trap

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five elderly nuns were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale.
The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sister," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous."

"I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old nun said.

The trooper, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the elderly nun grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Sister, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok?  These other sisters with you seem awfully shaken."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute," the old nun said. "We just got off Route 119."

 ;D
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #638 on: November 05, 2006, 01:05:52 AM »
Some friends of mine:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgz3uF7PxhI

Don't mess with mallards...

TM
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Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #639 on: November 05, 2006, 02:25:14 AM »
That's a good one! 
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #640 on: November 05, 2006, 02:40:33 AM »
LOL totally tubular dude! :D

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #641 on: November 05, 2006, 06:36:38 PM »
Awesome.  That reminds me of the best Superbowl commercial ever.  It was a Nissan commercial with pidgeons chasing a freshly washed car with Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone" in the background. 
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #642 on: November 08, 2006, 02:20:47 AM »
GOOD ONE DUCK---believe I'll take the plug out of my 12 guage so I can have some rifled slugs in back for return fire---think the game warden would buy that excuse ?

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #643 on: November 08, 2006, 04:59:23 AM »
If the game warden minds, just give my friends standard grid coordinates, and they'll take care of the problem!

TM
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Offline zippyt

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #644 on: November 08, 2006, 05:31:05 AM »
This from Plthjnx,
His words " Grounded untill further notice "