Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1369378 times)

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1980 on: November 18, 2008, 06:21:52 AM »
Re-post from another site---this is actually a group you can join on Facebook.. ::whistle:: ::whistle::

Have you ever met an idiot? Odds are you have.
In our society, more and more people are having to cope with being born with inferior genes. These people, being idiots breed with other idiots, and the problem gets worse. Our society, not having enough intelligent people to provide competent labor, is declining at an astonishing rate. Millions of idiots are flooding the gene-pool with inferior genes. Soon we will experience another severe depression like that of the thirties which will cripple the world.
I am offering a solution. Not everyone is an idiot, but pilots are naturally born with every advantage from being abnormally intelligent to being exceptionally good looking. These pilots, or super people, if you will, have genes that when mixed with other attractive "normal" people or other good looking pilots genes make model offspring that, if produced in large numbers, can completely fix our gene pool. The new society of superior people will be able to solve world hunger, make world peace, fix global warming, and will enter a new age of prosperity.
If you are an attractive person, it is your duty to your country and the world to sleep with a pilot today. Your children will thank you for it.
For anyone who is a pilot, good looking person or an idiot who supports this cause, join today.
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline cotejy

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1981 on: November 18, 2008, 02:05:26 PM »
Quote
If you are an attractive person, it is your duty to your country and the world to sleep with a pilot today.

LOL  ;D ::rofl:: Fair enough for me.

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1982 on: November 18, 2008, 02:24:32 PM »
pilot and normal? are they meant to be in the same sentence?  ::unbelieveable:: ::eek:: ::loony:: ::thinking::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1983 on: November 18, 2008, 08:10:04 PM »
Uhmmm...  OK.  Sounds good to me!   8)

Now when do I tell this person I'm supposed to sleep with that I have been "fixed"?   ::knockedout::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1984 on: November 22, 2008, 07:20:37 PM »
THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
 
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1985 on: November 22, 2008, 08:00:23 PM »
Way cool, G-man!   |:)\  I had to forward that one on to friends and family!
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline ZK Kiwi

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1986 on: November 23, 2008, 09:46:31 AM »
They missed the law of Rain protection - Umbrellas prevent rain, carrrying one will guarantee that it will stay dry, leave it behind, rain will will come....
If it was supposed to be easy, everyone would be doing it!

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1987 on: December 03, 2008, 10:26:41 PM »
Checkrides are, apparently, a universal experience:

www.jimpitman.us/checkride.wmv

TM
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Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1988 on: December 04, 2008, 03:10:25 AM »
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve
and says, I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Leeds and tell her.'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like hell they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this,'
       
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father,
'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then,
don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
             
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,'
he says, 'they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline cotejy

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1989 on: December 04, 2008, 02:42:39 PM »
Checkrides are, apparently, a universal experience:

www.jimpitman.us/checkride.wmv

TM

Turbomallard, you made me look like a retard! I'm working in a university library and there is something like 20 students looking at me with puzzle look on their face. They probably think I'm a complete retard because I'm laughing with a stupid smile on my face since I looked at this video 10 minutes ago...

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1990 on: December 05, 2008, 03:36:38 AM »
Checkrides are, apparently, a universal experience:

www.jimpitman.us/checkride.wmv

TM

Turbomallard, you made me look like a retard! I'm working in a university library and there is something like 20 students looking at me with puzzle look on their face. They probably think I'm a complete retard because I'm laughing with a stupid smile on my face since I looked at this video 10 minutes ago...

Hell, I've worked in academic libraries for 18 years and I gotta tell ya it takes a lot more than that to make students think that. Such as giving a lecture to a COM110 class on how to do research and trying to get them to understand that they actually WILL need to know the stuff you're trying to teach them, for example...

TM
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Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1991 on: December 05, 2008, 08:01:15 AM »
TM that was goooooooooooddddddddd  ::rofl::  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline cotejy

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1992 on: December 05, 2008, 04:06:26 PM »
Quote
Hell, I've worked in academic libraries for 18 years and I gotta tell ya it takes a lot more than that to make students think that. Such as giving a lecture to a COM110 class on how to do research and trying to get them to understand that they actually WILL need to know the stuff you're trying to teach them, for example...

I know what your talking about. We found the way around this. I give each of them a remote control at the beginning of a class. I start my presentation with some basic questions and they use their remote control to vote for the correct answer. The result is automatically displayed on the screen when everyone had answered. I always have something like 90% failure. So they know right at the beginning that they need whatever I'll teach them.

Offline Ragwing

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Checkride
« Reply #1993 on: December 08, 2008, 04:18:12 AM »
They moved the checkride. ::complaining: ::banghead::

Now available at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejnTG7d4DMo
 ::rofl::

Offline Ragwing

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1994 on: December 08, 2008, 04:21:32 AM »
At work, occasionally a co-worker "accidentally" takes your lunch.
Has this happened to you?
http://www.jimpitman.us/PepsiCola.wmv ::silly::