Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1369475 times)

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1830 on: June 01, 2008, 05:40:18 PM »
TOP 25 Mom's have taught us

1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.
“ Because I said so, that’s why.

5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.

6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.

7. My mother taught me: IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.

9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

11. My mother taught me: WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.

12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me: ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.

19. My mother taught me: ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me: HUMOUR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.

22. My mother taught me: GENETICS.
“I swear to God you’re just like your father.

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you, do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me: WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

25. And my favorite: My MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1831 on: June 02, 2008, 02:26:22 AM »
While surfing thrue my semi-unsorted collection of links to webcomics I found one posting pictures of a horse-riding trip she'd had and one of the pictures showed one of the others riding a very big horse and under the picture, the end of the caption read (speaking about the horse): She calls him Gordy because he's a pig, but he's such a sweetheart.
If I wasn't somewhat fatigued from sleeping in a 30C hot room under the covers then I would've laughed out loud :D

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1832 on: June 02, 2008, 02:35:38 AM »
She calls him Gordy because he's a pig, but he's such a sweetheart.

Thats what all the girls say about me-- C'mon Franky--Post a link.. It'd be rude not to  ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1833 on: June 02, 2008, 02:37:27 AM »
Ha ha that's a good one...  I used to work with a pilot named Gordy, and the other guys called him Gordo, for 'the large one', and of course, he was the skinniest guy within 50 miles...!!!  Haaaa.....   :D

 :D

 :D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Political Correctness
« Reply #1834 on: June 03, 2008, 04:28:41 AM »
I believe this may have been posted before in here, but I had to share it with y'all anyway:

Quote
The following is the winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was "Political Correctness".

The winner wrote:

 "Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1835 on: June 03, 2008, 11:57:52 PM »
She calls him Gordy because he's a pig, but he's such a sweetheart.

Thats what all the girls say about me-- C'mon Franky--Post a link.. It'd be rude not to  ::whistle:: ::whistle::

Ok, just over halfway down the page http://arienna.livejournal.com/66140.html#cutid1

Mary (and others): Does the name Gordy have a special meaning in english-speaking countries with regards to character/behaviour? I first thought it was just the comic-artist from the link that used it like that but with Mary's post it seems like it's a common known thing(?)

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1836 on: June 04, 2008, 02:29:58 AM »
Does the name Gordy have a special meaning in english-speaking countries with regards to character/behaviour?

Why yes indeedy--I believe it means humourus, amourous, trustworthy, good looking, studly, be rude to not date if you are a blond buxom thang etc..  ::whistle:: ::whistle:: Thats why my parents gave me that name.. ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1837 on: June 04, 2008, 02:51:42 AM »
Hmmm....   ::thinking::

I always thought Gordo meant 'fat' or 'large', but I sure like G-Man's description better!!  Not REAL sure about that "trustworthy" part, though...

I mean, after all, you're in a HELICOPTER....   ::whistle::         ::whistle::

 ::whistle::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1838 on: June 04, 2008, 02:57:48 AM »
Hmmm....   ::thinking::
I sure like G-Man's description better!!  ::whistle::     

See what IU mean Franky--Women drool over me and kids--well:

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1839 on: June 04, 2008, 03:18:58 AM »
And you don't have a decal of that plastered on your machine back by the N-number??!??!??! 

Shame on you, Squealy-Gordy!!    ::rofl::

 ::rofl::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1840 on: June 04, 2008, 03:24:20 AM »
And you don't have a decal of that plastered on your machine back by the N-number??!??!??! 


Well not yet--but that gives me an idea??  ::whistle:: ::thinking:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1841 on: June 04, 2008, 03:50:18 AM »
I LIKE it!!!    ::rofl::

 ::rofl::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1842 on: June 04, 2008, 04:45:48 AM »
Ya just can't make this stuff up!!
 
When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was 'a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder.' (That's at least the way the police report described it.)
 A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, 'that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.' Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars : 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'
 
The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: 'Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day

 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1843 on: June 04, 2008, 06:06:29 AM »
"Sorry we snorted your sister?"-------------------yep, just can't make up stuff like that.......................... ::rofl::

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1844 on: June 04, 2008, 06:49:54 AM »
"...No hard feelings.  Have a nice day."  Now THAT'S the part that got to me!  What a nice way to end the note you tape to the body of the dope dealer that you just dropped off on the front porch after you whack him for selling you someone's ashes trying to pass it off as Coke!   ::loony:: ::eek:: ::unbelieveable:: ::rofl:: ::silly::

You can see just how nice a bunch of people are involved in the illegal Drug trade in the USA, can't you?   ::thinking::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall