Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1423914 times)

Offline Callisto

  • Cockerel
  • ***
  • Posts: 125
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #165 on: March 14, 2006, 07:40:57 PM »
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
If not completely satisfied with this post, return unused portion for full refund.

Offline Ted_Stryker

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 443
  • Never Forget 9/11/2001
    • Cyber Forensics
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #166 on: March 14, 2006, 07:50:11 PM »
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Excellent!!!   ;D  Thanks for sharing!  ;D
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Ted_Stryker

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 443
  • Never Forget 9/11/2001
    • Cyber Forensics
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #167 on: March 14, 2006, 10:28:54 PM »
Overheard on the radio around Lambert, St. Louis back in the days of TWA...


TWA Flt XYZ: "St. Louis, Trans World XYZ, outer marker inbound, over."

.... no response.....

TWA Flt XYZ (a little more loudly):
"St. Louis, Trans World XYZ, outer marker inbound, over!"

..... again... no response....

TWA Flt XYZ (a tad bit louder still): "St. Louis, Trans World XYZ, outer marker inbound, over!"

STL Tower: "Trans World XYZ standby!  We're changing controllers over here!"

.... a brief pause...

Unknown ID: "So, what do you use?  Huggies, or Pampers?"
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Callisto

  • Cockerel
  • ***
  • Posts: 125
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #168 on: March 14, 2006, 11:48:06 PM »
Children's books that never made it:

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book
6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
If not completely satisfied with this post, return unused portion for full refund.

Offline Mike

  • Supreme Overlord
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 3376
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #169 on: March 15, 2006, 12:29:34 AM »
HA HA!!!
My personal favorite (reminds me of my CFI days):

"If there is no such thing as a stupid question, what is this?"

LMAO :D


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline C310RCaptian

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 41
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #170 on: March 15, 2006, 03:42:12 PM »
I find this one soooo true...

How does anyone know they are on a date with a pilot?     They will tell you!

How do they  know the date is half over?       They will say " Well thats enough about me lets talk about flying..."

Offline Frank N. O.

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2446
  • Spin It!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #171 on: March 15, 2006, 05:14:00 PM »
Classics Captain, and here are some more in the same genre since I know the guys and gals here can see the joke in them :)

Q: What's the difference between a pig and a pilot?
A: A pig doesn't become a pilot when it gets drunk.

Q: What's the difference between god and a pilot?
A: God doesn't think he's a pilot.

Q: What does a pilote use as birth-control?
A: His personality!
(Seriously, I wonder how that goes for women pilots? I've both heard about men being scared and drawn to capable and intelligent women, ok back to the jokes, also partly in relation to female pilotes)

"Time's change, now a flight attendant can make a pilot pregnant."

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Ted_Stryker

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 443
  • Never Forget 9/11/2001
    • Cyber Forensics
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #172 on: March 15, 2006, 05:17:52 PM »
Cockpit accessorizing....

We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Stef

  • Supreme Overlord
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 807
    • Chicken Wings
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #173 on: March 16, 2006, 11:30:57 AM »
Hahaha! This is great!!! But who in his right mind would go through all the trouble and then have "LITE" beer in the cockpit?! ;D

Offline Ted_Stryker

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 443
  • Never Forget 9/11/2001
    • Cyber Forensics
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #174 on: March 16, 2006, 02:28:14 PM »
Hahaha! This is great!!! But who in his right mind would go through all the trouble and then have "LITE" beer in the cockpit?! ;D

Hmm... maybe he was concerned with W&B :) :D
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Callisto

  • Cockerel
  • ***
  • Posts: 125
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #175 on: March 16, 2006, 04:42:45 PM »
Hahaha! This is great!!! But who in his right mind would go through all the trouble and then have "LITE" beer in the cockpit?! ;D

Hmm... maybe he was concerned with W&B :) :D

True... after all is Less Filling... I'm ignoring the first part of that saying.
If not completely satisfied with this post, return unused portion for full refund.

fireflyr

  • Guest
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #176 on: March 16, 2006, 05:22:09 PM »
NEAT PICTURE TED!   ;D

Have a question----What aircraft is that?   Almost looks like an early Commander but the airspeed limits don't look right and it shows left and right fuel guages---I'm stumped! :P :P

Offline Ted_Stryker

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 443
  • Never Forget 9/11/2001
    • Cyber Forensics
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #177 on: March 16, 2006, 05:40:32 PM »
NEAT PICTURE TED!   ;D

Have a question----What aircraft is that?   Almost looks like an early Commander but the airspeed limits don't look right and it shows left and right fuel guages---I'm stumped! :P :P

I'm not sure what kind of aircraft that is... I think I ran across the photo in AVWeb's Picture Of The Week.  I'll see if I can't dig up some info on it.  If I find out, I'll let everyone know :)  I do recall that it was something about needing a temporary handle for a throttle or mixture lever... and that's what the guy slapped on there during a mod... can you imagine if he got ramp checked what the FAA guy would say if he left it in there! :D

We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Ted_Stryker

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 443
  • Never Forget 9/11/2001
    • Cyber Forensics
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #178 on: March 16, 2006, 07:16:28 PM »
NEAT PICTURE TED!   ;D

Have a question----What aircraft is that?   Almost looks like an early Commander but the airspeed limits don't look right and it shows left and right fuel guages---I'm stumped! :P :P

Aha!  I found the source on it and tracked down the info.  I was in error in my earlier description in that it's not on throttle or mixture.... it's on the de-ice control... eheheh....

Anyway... it's on a B-25!  At least that's what the source for the photo says.  It was from AVWeb's Picture of the Week Contest.... here's the link for it....

http://www.avweb.com/newswire/12_04b/potw/191469-1.html

We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Mike

  • Supreme Overlord
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 3376
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #179 on: March 16, 2006, 09:25:22 PM »
And here another joke. I know Fireflyer probably knows this one but I am the faster posterer (or how do you say? "poster child"?)



 Subject:  Rent is Due!

 A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend
 the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing,
 and, before he left, he told her that he did not have
 any cash with him, but he would have his
 secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling
 the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

 On the way to the office, he regretted what he had
 done, realizing that the whole event had not been
 worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check
 for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

 "Dear Madam Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment.
 I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the place,
 I was under the impression that - it had never been occupied - there was
 plenty of heat; and- it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at
 home However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that
 there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

 Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
 returned the check for $250 with the following note:

 "Dear Sir:

 First, I cannot understand how you could expect a
 beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
 As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know
 how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment
 is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have
 enough
 furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
 management.

 Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to
 contact your present landlady


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.