Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378360 times)

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #150 on: March 11, 2006, 05:54:40 AM »
LOL cats, gotta love them! I look at Garfield and Buckles every day :)

I have a cut-out Garfield-strip from the newspaper on the wall:
Jon: When shall I wake you up? Garfield, out of bed, hands on Jon's collar and looking him dead in the eyes with an evil expression like only a cat can do: When you're feeling really brave! Next panel: That should give me the millenium-kingdom. I just love that one :D

Great classic picture too :D

I've attached one I found somewhere, however I can't find it again on the listed site but they do have a big list of written aviation humour though.
I just love that joke, it's almost Chuck-worthy isn't it? :D

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #151 on: March 11, 2006, 06:02:05 PM »
I got this in an email a few months ago. Feel free to remove it if it's too long.

Inspector Carl N Frank

Flight Standards District Office

Oklahoma City, OK


Dear Mr. Frank:


Here is the letter you asked me to send you about my flight back in December. First of all, I would like to thank that very nice, older fellow you had with you yesterday, you know, the one who took my student pilot's license and told me I wouldn't need it any more. I guess that means that he is giving me my full-fledged pilot's license. After all that happened yesterday, I have earned it. You should watch that fellow though. After I told him about the flight, he seemed quite nervous and his hands were shaking. He said he had never heard anything like it before.


Anyhow, here is what happened. The weather has been so bad here in Ardmore since I soloed last week that I had not been able to go flying. But yesterday I wasn't about to let low ceilings and visibility, and a little freezing drizzle stop me from flying up to Oklahoma City and back. I was pretty proud of having soloed in only 6 hours, so I invited John Winters, my next door neighbor, to go with me. We planned to fly up to Oklahoma City Will Rogers airport, which, as you know, is less than 100 miles from Ardmore. There is this excellent restaurant on Meridian just north of I-40 that serves absolutely wonderful char broiled steaks and the greatest mixed drinks.


Well, on the way to the airport the road was icy and our car slid in the ditch. I can see why they say that the most dangerous part of a trip is the drive to the airport. My neighbor was a little concerned about the weather, but when I reminded him once again about those steaks and the booze that we would soon be enjoying, he seemed much happier.


When we arrived at the airport there were still a few snow showers around but the freezing drizzle had almost stopped. I checked the weather and was assured that it was solid IFR all the way. I was delighted the weather was so good. When I talked to the man who runs the airport, I found out that the airplane I had been flying was covered with ice. You can imagine my disappointment. Just then a friendly young line boy suggested that I take one of the airplanes that was in the hanger. I told him to pull one out. I saw immediately that it was very much like the Cessna 150 I have been flying. I think he called it a 337. he told me it was also made by Cessna. I noticed right away that it had two tails, but I didn't say anything because, well, I was in a hurry. Oh yes, it had a spare engine too.


I unlocked the door and we climbed in. I began looking for the place to put the key. Now I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but it shouldn't be necessary to get out the airplane manual and follow the checklist just to fly an airplane. That's ridiculous. I never saw so many dials and needles and knobs and handles and switches. As we both know, they have simplified this a lot in the 150. I forgot to mention that I did file a flight plan with the guy in the tower, he said I would need to because of the weather.


When I told him I was flying a pressurized Skymaster (that's what it said on the control wheel) he said it was all right to go up Victor-163 all the way. I don't know why he called it a victor, I guess that's just his pet name for an interstate highway. And besides, it is I-35 not 163. But those fellows try to do a good job. They told me a lot of other stuff too, but you know how much red tape there is when you deal with the government.


The takeoff was one of my best, and as I carefully left the pattern just the way the book says it should be done, I noticed that the Skymaster doesn't climb as good as the 150. The tower told me to contact Fort Worth Center. I dialed in the frequency that he gave me but it seemed kind of silly to call them since I wasn't going to Fort Worth. Just then there must have been some kind of emergency because a lot of airline pilots began yelling stuff at the same time and made such a racket that I turned my radio off. You'd think that those professionals would be better trained. I-35 was right under me, and since from that I knew that I was on course, I went right on up into the clouds. After all, it was snowing so hard by now that it was a waste of time to look outside, you could only see about a quarter of a mile. Going into the clouds was a bad thing to do, I realized, since my neighbor undoubtedly wanted to see the scenery, especially the snow cover on the Arbuckle Mountains ahead of us. But everyone has to be disappointed some time, and we pilots have to make the best of it, don't we?


It was pretty much smooth flying, and with the ice and snow that seemed to be forming all over the windshield, there wasn't much to see. I will say that I handled the controls quite easily for a pilot of only six hours.


My computer and pencils fell out of my shirt pocket once, but sometimes these things happen I am told. I don't expect you to believe this, but one time my pocket watch was standing straight up on its chain. That was pretty funny, and I asked my neighbor to look, but he just kept staring straight ahead with sort of a glassy look in his eyes. I figured that he was afraid of heights, like all non-pilots are. By the way, something was wrong with the altimeter. It kept winding and unwinding all the time.


Finally I decided we had flown about long enough to be in Oklahoma City. I had it all worked out on my E6B computer. I am a whiz at that computer, but something must have gone wrong with it, since when I came down to look for the airport there wasn't anything there except a lot of houses. Those weather people had sure been wrong too. It was real marginal conditions, with a ceiling of about 100 feet. You just can't trust anybody in this business except yourself, right? Why, there were even thunderstorms going on, with an occasional bolt of lightning. I decided that my neighbor should see how beautiful it was, and the way the lightning seemed to turn that snow on the roof tops all yellow; and the roof tops were so close that it looked like you could just reach out and touch them. But I guess he was asleep, having gotten over his fear of height, and I didn't want to wake him up.


Anyway, just then I had an emergency. The front engine ran out of gas. It really didn't worry me since I had read the book, and knew right where the other ignition switch was. I just fired up the spare engine on the back and we kept on going. This business of having two engines one in front and one in back, is really a safety factor. If one quits, the other is right back there ready to go. Maybe all airplanes should have two engines. You might suggest this and get an award (we could split the cash). As pilot-in-command, I take my responsibilities very seriously. It was apparent that I would have to go down lower and keep a sharp eye in such bad weather. I was glad that my neighbor was asleep because it was pretty dark under the cloud, and if it hadn't been for the lightning flashes it would have been hard to read the road signs through the ice on the windshield. The landing lights were not very bright either. You would think they would have melted the ice that covered them but they didn't. Several cars ran off the road when we passed, and you can sure see what then mean about flying being a lot safer than driving.


To make a long story short, I finally spotted Tinker Air Force Base, and since we were already late for cocktails and dinner, I decided to land there. It being an Air Force base, I knew it had plenty of runway, and I could already see a red-colored light in the control tower, so I knew they were still celebrating Christmas and we were welcome. Somebody told me that you can always talk to these military people on the international emergency frequency, so I tried it, but you wouldn't believe the language I heard. Those people ought to be straightened out by somebody, and I would like to complain as a taxpayer. Evidently they were expecting somebody to come in and land, because they kept talking about clearing the airspace for some damned stupid, incompetent SOB up in the clouds.

I wanted to be helpful so I landed on the taxiway to be out of the way in case that other fellow needed the runway. A lot of people came running out waving at us. It was pretty evident that they had never seen a Skymaster land on a taxiway before. That general with the nasty temper was real mad about something. I tried to explain to him in a reasonable manner that I didn't think the tower operator should be swearing at that guy up there, but his face was so red that I think he must have a drinking problem.


Well, that's about all. After your two FAA inspectors left, the weather got really bad so I got one of the Air Force guys to drive me to where I could rent a car and drive back home. I never did get my steak and drinks. My neighbor stayed there at the hospital in Oklahoma City. He can't write you a letter just yet because he's still not awake. Poor fellow, he must have the flu or something. Let me know if you need anything else, and by the way, send my new pilot's license airmail special delivery.


Very truly yours,

Thurman J. Mudbojne
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline MO

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #152 on: March 11, 2006, 07:08:03 PM »
Another long post... It was sent to me by a good friend:

A little known fact is the origin of the word, "Aviator." In the immortal words of Johnny Carson: "I didn't know that."                 
                                                                           
Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken) 1169-? is considered by some to be the most under-recognized military officer in history.  Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen.                 
                                                                           
A 'Khen' was a subordinate to a 'Khan' (pronounced 'konn') in the military structure of the Mongol hordes. Khan is Turkish for leader.  Most know of the great Genghis Khan, but little has been written of his chain of command.   

Khen is also of Turkish origin.  Although there is not a word in English that adequately conveys the meaning. Roughly translated, it means, "One who will do the impossible, while appearing unprepared and complaining constantly."                                 
                                                                           
Phu Khen was one of ten Khens that headed the divisions, or groups of hordes, as they were known, of the Mongol Army serving under Genghis Khan. His abilities came to light during the Mongols' raids on the Turkistan city of Bohicaroo.  Bohicans were fierce warriors and the city was well fortified. The entire city was protected by huge walls and the hordes were at a standoff with the Bohicans.  Bohicaroo was well-stocked and it would be difficult to wait them out.  Genghis Khan assembled his Khens and ordered each of them to develop a plan for penetrating the defenses of Bohicaroo.
                                                           
Operation Achieve Victory (AV) was born. All 10 divisions of Khens submitted their plan. After reviewing AV plans 1 thru 7 and finding them all unworkable or ridiculous, Genghis Khan was understandably upset. It was with much perspiration that Phu Khen submitted his idea, which came to be known as AV 8.  Upon seeing AV 8, Genghis was convinced this was the perfect plan and gave his immediate approval. The plan was beautifully simple.  Phu Khen would arm his hordes to the teeth, load them into catapults, and hurl them over the wall. The losses were expected to be high, but hey, hordes were cheap! Those that survived the flight would engage the enemy in combat.  Those that did not?  Well, surely their flailing bodies would cause some damage.                                 
                                                                           
The plan worked and the Bohicans were defeated.  From that day on, whenever the Mongol Army encountered an insurmountable enemy, Genghis Khan would give the order, "Send some of  Phu Khen's AV 8-ers." This is believed, though not by anyone outside our secret society, to be the true origin of the word Aviator (AV 8-er).
                                                                   
Phu Khen's AV 8-ers were understandably an unruly mob, not likely to be socially acceptable.  Many were heavy drinkers and insomniacs.  But when nothing else would do, you could always count on an AV 8-er.  A Phu Khen Aviator.  Denied, perhaps rightfully so, his place in history, Phu Khen has been, nonetheless, immortalized in prose. 
                                                                             
As the great poet Norman Lear never once said:                           
                                                                           
"There once was a man named Phu Khen, Whose breakfast was whiskey and gin. 
Whene'er he'd fly, He'd give a mighty war cry: Bend over, here it comes again."                                   

Consider it an honor to be a Phu Khen Aviator.  Wear the mantle proudly, but speak of it cautiously.  It is not always popular to be one of us.  You hear mystical references, often hushed whispers, to 'those Phu Khen Aviators.'  Do not let these things bother you.  As with any secret society, we go largely misunderstood, prohibited by our apathy from explaining ourselves.                                                                                                                             

You are expected to always live down to the reputation of the Phu Khen Aviator...a reputation cultivated for centuries, undaunted by scorn or ridicule, unhindered by progress.  So drink up, be crude, sleep late, urinate in public, and get the job done.                                     

When others are offended, you can revel in the knowledge that...             
                                                                           
YOU are a PHU KHEN AVIATOR!


Cheers!

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #153 on: March 13, 2006, 03:34:00 PM »
ROFL, I read that story for the first time a long time ago and I actually thought it was a real letter at first but there's no way that one person did all that in one flight although I do believe that there have been so-called aviators that have done some of things but only one at a time, hopefully. When I first read Mr. Frank I though, what is it something for me? Then I recognized it :D

And MO, that one is new to me, and ROFL at that one too :D

Thanks for sharing  :D
Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #154 on: March 13, 2006, 07:22:22 PM »
A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought he would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when he was not with him. She put on her Goldilock's costume.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he cuddle and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more to drink he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little quickie in the back seat. Just before unmasking, she slipped away and went home and put her costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, actually, I gave my Batman costume to your Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a hottie in a Goldilock's outfit"

Moral of the story: Women should not try to sneak up on their man
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #155 on: March 13, 2006, 08:07:11 PM »
eeeewwwww
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #156 on: March 13, 2006, 10:12:39 PM »
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #157 on: March 13, 2006, 11:06:18 PM »
That's great! :D :D
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #158 on: March 13, 2006, 11:12:32 PM »
That's great! :D :D

:D  Glad you like it!  I was rolling when I saw it the first time :D

I've got some others I'll have to post here tomorrow :)
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #159 on: March 13, 2006, 11:52:36 PM »
Good deal.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #160 on: March 14, 2006, 01:08:59 AM »

:D Glad you like it! I was rolling when I saw it the first time :D


HA HA AWESOME!! That's what I just did! :D (imagine me holding my belly as we speak)
He's even got the wheels cocked against the direction of the spin just like in a real car....
 :D


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Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #161 on: March 14, 2006, 05:31:10 AM »
Ah so that's where that movie came from, the place I saw it first didn't have the start+finish titles on, so this is actually not made by a pro company but private people? That's even more impressive! (even though of course I know that private people can have skills to rival pros but pros normally have a lot of helpful resources that can make a big difference).

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #162 on: March 14, 2006, 06:10:49 PM »
 ;D  I love the little finishing touch of the landging gear collapse at the end too  ;D

Those guys sure know how to put together a great film!

Here's one for those of you with a new computer mouse  ;D
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #163 on: March 14, 2006, 06:11:53 PM »
Got milk?
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Callisto

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #164 on: March 14, 2006, 07:40:09 PM »
I know these have been traveling the internet for years... but they are funny:

What is brown and sticky? A stick.

What has 4 legs is big, green, fuzzy, and if fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in Cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a Cherry tree? The nail polish must be working.

If you're dusting a room to remove dust, what do you call it when you try to add dust? Isn't that dusting???

If there is no such thing as a stupid question, what is this?

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous

If I could eat two sugars at once, would that make me ambidextrose?

Why does everybody say it's the quiet ones you need to look out for? I'm worried about that very pissed and very loud man in the middle of the street with a chainsaw and a shotgun.

Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird gets the worm, but it still has to eat worms!

The second mouse gets the cheese.
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