Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378365 times)

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1110 on: August 15, 2007, 03:59:42 PM »
I think someone or something is trying to tell me that I shouldn't go flying today.
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1111 on: August 16, 2007, 08:48:37 AM »
The Dot

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington , D.C. Has recently revealed the true story...

 :) :) :)



When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.


Sorry Piper Girl but that's raciest

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1112 on: August 16, 2007, 12:46:45 PM »
The Dot

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington , D.C. Has recently revealed the true story...

 :) :) :)



When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice.


Sorry Piper Girl but that's raciest

I'm sorry if this offended anyone. That wasn't my intent at all. I have some Hindu friends who are excellent pilots/ mechanics and I respect their religion.
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Stef

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1113 on: August 16, 2007, 01:34:43 PM »
Here's why English is sometimes such a hard language for us foreingers...

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22. The plain wife (wearing plain clothes) of the plainsman sat next to the plane on the plain, using a plane to plane wood from the plane tree, shouting “Why! This is plain sailing”


Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1114 on: August 16, 2007, 02:14:25 PM »
Pipergirl: Thanks for the explanation. While I could see the joke I was a little concerned about the intention but I think this clears it up that it wasn't intended as an insult.

Stef: LOL good one, and I think there are similar funny things about other languages too, that's one of the many great things about learning about different things/places/cultures etc.

Rooster: 23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.  ::rofl:: that was so funny, but actually can be used to proove the point that one shouldn't always judge a book by it's cover (not trying to be political here but just that so many people today are called stars and looked to as rolemodels, but their behaviour is awfull!).

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
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Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1115 on: August 16, 2007, 02:16:23 PM »
Sorry Piper Girl but that's raciest

Who cares?  Its funny!  This is a humor website afterall.  If you can't laugh at yourself, you're in really bad trouble.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2007, 02:18:58 PM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Stef

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1116 on: August 16, 2007, 09:20:40 PM »
Sorry Piper Girl but that's raciest

Actually it's not, because Hindu is not a race!   ::thinking::  ;)

Let's all try not to insult anyone, but not being overly politically correct either, please! How about everybody making a joke about his own country/religion/race/whatever?  ;D

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1117 on: August 16, 2007, 09:27:11 PM »
Well since I'm Catholic I guess I can tell this one, I heard if from a Priest after all.   >:D

Question:  Is it OK to kiss a Nun?


Answer: Sure, just don't get into the Habit!

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Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1118 on: August 16, 2007, 11:22:29 PM »
Blondes!!
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1119 on: August 16, 2007, 11:27:46 PM »
Sorry Piper Girl but that's raciest

Actually it's not, because Hindu is not a race!   ::thinking::  ;)

Does that mean it's a religious joke then?   ::thinking::

Phil

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1120 on: August 17, 2007, 03:58:22 PM »
Sorry Piper Girl but that's raciest

Actually it's not, because Hindu is not a race!   ::thinking::  ;)

Let's all try not to insult anyone, but not being overly politically correct either, please! How about everybody making a joke about his own country/religion/race/whatever?   ;D

I already have, Steph... I already have!

http://www.chickenwingscomics.com/forum/index.php?topic=20.msg16751#msg16751

http://www.chickenwingscomics.com/forum/index.php?topic=894.msg17152#msg17152

Here's yet another one:

Arguing with a Truck Driver is like wrestling with a pig in the mud.  After a while... you realize the pig enjoys it!   >:D >:D >:D
« Last Edit: August 17, 2007, 06:26:20 PM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Fabo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1121 on: August 17, 2007, 07:38:29 PM »
Now that is hard, producing a written joke about me you would understand...

U know I get into funny situations all the time (and mostly intentionally ;) ) but this proves it is an impossible mission for me to follow its objectives...

Stef, if you wish to include this in your quotes, you have the right of copyright owner  ;D
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

Offline cj5_pilot

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1122 on: August 18, 2007, 03:00:47 AM »
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.  On their wedding night, she told her new husband "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom.  "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Rep; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband #2 was in Tech Support; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but said he'd look in to it and get back with me.

"Husband #3 was from Field Services.  He said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband #5 was an Engineer.  He understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband #7 was in Marketing.  Although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband #8 was a Gynecologist and all he did was look at it.

"Husband #9 was a Psychiatrist, all he did was talk about it.

"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collecter; all he ever did was.....GOD I miss him!

"But now I've married you and I'm so excited!"

"Wonderful," said the husband, "but why?"

"Because you are with the GOVERNMENT!!!!....This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

The average pilot, despite the sometimes swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anyone else.

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1123 on: August 19, 2007, 02:32:21 PM »
OKOKOK----sheesh! So I was having a bad night when I responded to Piper Girls Hindu joke............ ::drinking::
To apologize, I'll try to insult as many groups as I can, here go's:

How do you get a bunch of mexicans in a car?
Throw a dollar in it.

How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application!!!


What do you call a Native American who drives a train?
"AN INJUNEER!"


Why do people take spanish?
So they can get their orders right when they go to McDonalds.

A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
It's called Nacho Mama.


How do you stop an iraqi tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.


When is the best day to drive in CAlFORNIA?
Sunday - The mexicans cars won't start, all the blacks are in Jail, and all the Jews are in Palm Springs.


Q: Is it better to be born black or gay?

A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks.


When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?
When her mustache is on fire!

What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass?
An Afghani mechanic!


Redneck took his daughter to the Gynocologist they were in the room waiting for the doctor, the doctor walked in and asked the father what are we here for today the father said to get my daughter on birth control, the doctor then asked the father so is your daughter sexually active, the father said no, she just lays there like her mother.


« Last Edit: August 20, 2007, 06:04:05 AM by Mike »

Offline want2fly

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1124 on: August 19, 2007, 10:19:48 PM »
Great jokes, i got to remember some of these.

Thanks cj5_pilot and airtac!
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