Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378362 times)

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #360 on: June 07, 2006, 12:08:48 AM »
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic.  This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog.  A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie?  He nearly got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his butt."
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #361 on: June 07, 2006, 12:09:25 AM »
sent to me this morning by my uncle, under heading "Warning!"
Like you, I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. But, this one is important. Please forward to those you care about.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take all of your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!
IT IS A SCAM. They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Callisto

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #362 on: June 07, 2006, 02:31:22 AM »
plthijnx is bored!  ;D
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fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #363 on: June 07, 2006, 09:14:21 AM »
D**N  YOU PLTHJINX!!!!! >:(

I was just savoring a glass of Chardonnay when I read your 'warning' and had to wipe my keyboard because of nasally spewed wine before I could respond-------------Son, with your wierd sense of humour, I thinking we must be related---got any cousins in Arkansas (other then your exwife) ?

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #364 on: June 07, 2006, 07:46:55 PM »
sent to me this morning by my uncle, under heading "Warning!"
Like you, I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. But, this one is important. Please forward to those you care about.
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take all of your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!
IT IS A SCAM. They only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.


I would say it's some English humour this one!!! Gosh, we are building a really good reserve of jokes here!! Keep writing Plthijnx!!!  :)
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #365 on: June 07, 2006, 07:49:42 PM »
strange evidences

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot but she keeps denying it until finally the husband just knew when his wife said:
Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ...

 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline SteepTurn

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #366 on: June 07, 2006, 07:51:56 PM »
strange evidences

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot but she keeps denying it until finally the husband just knew when his wife said:
Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ...

 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
HAHAHAHA

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
for climbing --> pull ** for decending --> continue pulling

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #367 on: June 07, 2006, 07:58:13 PM »
The first of the two is a classic, no idea where it's from but I can imagine it was for real and what a great one :D

The second one I've never heard before in my life! ROFL great one! I don't mind though, I just looked myself in the mirror and saw just how many of my hairs are white now instead of dark brown, man I'm really "going grey" and there's still a month to even my 28th birthday! But I don't mind getting white hair, aka viking-blonde in these parts, I would've had a problem with loosing my hair like my dad started to at this age but my hairlines are as high as ever so no worries there.

Hmmm, I don't really have a joke handy atm, tough day with bad and short sleep, sorry. I'll go find some aviation joke links and find some good ones, and try to remember to not put any that's been here before.

Btw, thanks to all for the posted jokes, even if there's no reply off-hand, sometimes the real world gets in the way.

Frank

Sorry for the bad day, hope it's better today.  :) :)
and never worry about hairs. the good thing with men (at least that's my point of view.......) it's that they do not lose any appeal (if they have some, naturally!) either with hair (be they color/colorless) or without (and partially without)!
And your welcome for the jokes. it's a pleasure to write them down and if somebody laughs, the mission is accomplished. we always need some humour!
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #368 on: June 07, 2006, 10:42:11 PM »
yeah dude, don't sweat it. i've been going grey for a while now and actually with the trial and everything i've gone just a bit more as well. in the mean time check out the following link:
http://abum.com/file/shadow/animations/17632.swf
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #369 on: June 07, 2006, 11:27:01 PM »
[quote author=fireflyr link=topic=20.msg4898#msg4898 date=1149671661
D**N  YOU PLTHJINX!!!!! >:(

I was just savoring a glass of Chardonnay when I read your 'warning' and had to wipe my keyboard because of nasally spewed wine before I could respond-------------Son, with your wierd sense of humour, I thinking we must be related---got any cousins in Arkansas (other then your exwife) ?
Quote
Flyr, should i have put a SWF warning previous to the joke?? Swallow Wine First??

edit: actually a very good friend of mine lives in the N.E. corner of arkansas......

now, check out this crazy guy!!!! verrrrrrrrrrrrrycool!!!!
CRAZY DUDE
« Last Edit: June 08, 2006, 02:12:31 AM by plthijnx »
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline chuckar101

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #370 on: June 08, 2006, 04:19:28 AM »
I want to know what that guy was smoking when he came up with the idea to do that.  Great footage though.
WOW I did that!

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #371 on: June 08, 2006, 08:20:22 AM »
I want to know what that guy was smoking when he came up with the idea to do that.  Great footage though.

Didn't he fall out of the baby buggy too much, when toddler, maybe?!!?? Amazing.
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Callisto

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #372 on: June 08, 2006, 02:07:16 PM »
http://abum.com/file/shadow/animations/17632.swf

That was good! I love when people have a lot of time on their hands.
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Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #373 on: June 08, 2006, 08:21:03 PM »
These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #374 on: June 08, 2006, 08:53:42 PM »
"Hey, O'Hare, you see the 7600 code flashing five northwest of Gary?"
"Yeah, I do...you guys talkin' to him?"
--------------------------
"Approach, what's the tower?"
"That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now."
-------------------------
"How far behind traffic are we?"
"Three miles."
"That doesn't look like three miles to us!"
"You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles."
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.