Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378363 times)

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1590 on: February 15, 2008, 06:16:06 AM »
Oink, oink, oink...........    :D

 ::rofl::
Don't make me come back there!!!!

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1591 on: February 15, 2008, 07:24:57 AM »

AHHH--Now I see!   Porky Pig and Bugs Bunny costumes in the closet, and I thought they were for Holloween------Ya know, I CAN do a pretty good Elmer Fudd myself ;)

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1592 on: February 15, 2008, 08:25:23 PM »
Since I have a three year old daughter, I can relate to this one...
 
 
 
A 3 YEAR OLD

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who
is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and a half years old and had
just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other
injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one
of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening
news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought
Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of
tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made
her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it
was 'just the cutest thing!!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea
for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it
ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is
the toilet??'

 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1593 on: February 15, 2008, 11:49:32 PM »
Can't answer that question Phil but it's good to see yer around--we've missed you and the Tundra Toy.............. ::wave::

Not to beat a dead horse...but they never said if that was the male pig or the female.  ::thinking::

Phil

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1594 on: February 16, 2008, 03:47:36 AM »
Can't answer that question Phil but it's good to see yer around--we've missed you and the Tundra Toy.............. ::wave::

Not to beat a dead horse...but they never said if that was the male pig or the female.  ::thinking::

Phil
That's easy, just ask any woman and they'll tell you "MEN are such pigs".................I rest my case 8)

Offline AirScorp

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1595 on: February 16, 2008, 06:51:06 PM »
They don't have a manual but they sure have a Hazmat data sheet!
« Last Edit: February 16, 2008, 06:52:54 PM by AirScorp »
It's all Greek to me!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1596 on: February 16, 2008, 06:58:55 PM »
Oh man, Nick!  That is perfect!  LMAO!!!   ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1597 on: February 16, 2008, 08:57:31 PM »
Ahhh....   obviously written by one of those squealing pi OOPS, I meant, MEN.....   :D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1598 on: February 18, 2008, 05:03:43 AM »
The Blonde and the Bodybuilder


The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,

"What a Great Chest you have!"







He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby."




He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive Calves you have!"






The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby."






He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.





The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

He catches up to her and asks why she ran

Out of the apartment like that.






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The blonde replies, : I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1599 on: February 18, 2008, 07:09:33 AM »

GROAN...................................................................................

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1600 on: February 18, 2008, 11:41:26 AM »
thats almost as bad as some of my dads jokes and they are BAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1601 on: February 19, 2008, 12:50:27 AM »

Our troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense of humor with the following:

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your
clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1602 on: February 21, 2008, 06:58:23 PM »
Subject: Rules of the West! 

  Rules of Idaho,Montana,Wyoming, South and North Dakota  and the Wild West are as follows:

  1.  Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

  2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

  3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust
on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

  4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money
to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 goes east and west, highway 95 goes
north and south. Pick one.

  5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines
that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

  6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.

 7.  If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves
are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better
hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

  8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and
caviar you can get them at the bait store on the corner.

  9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

  10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of
age.

  11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

 12.  When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh,
yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnaticall think, that stuff you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

 13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how
to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.

 16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
home for the holidays.

 17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than all
of you put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get whipped by
the best.

 18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers! Refer back to #1!

 A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others!!

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1603 on: February 21, 2008, 07:16:00 PM »
Good one Tundra,
#14 is really on the mark here--High School football is like a religion in Geyserville |:)\

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1604 on: February 21, 2008, 09:38:58 PM »
Not EXACTLY ENTIRELY true, but, ummmm, yep i can releate to some of these..... ::drinking::

ONLY AUSSIES.
 
Being Australian is about driving in a French car to an Irish pub for A Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or A Turkish kebab, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and...... Only in Australia ... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Australia ... Do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia ... Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Australia ... Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Australia ... Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.  ::drinking:: ::drinking::

And finally.........

In 2000, 8 Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
YEWWWwwwwwwwww