Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1369391 times)

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #855 on: February 24, 2007, 08:49:55 PM »
the importance of having sex with the partner before marriage..............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FnnTPzeT-k

Enjoy!  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Yipes!!!  Yeah... that's a sobering one alright!!!!   Whew!!!!


I'm afraid to look at that one...
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #856 on: February 24, 2007, 09:56:12 PM »
I'm afraid to look at that one...

Hehe! if you are, just remember what I said: have sex with your partner before marriage so that you will not have any surprise........ ::whistle:: ::whistle::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #857 on: February 25, 2007, 01:42:11 AM »
HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD ONE.  I HAVE SENT IT TO ALL THE TWISTED PILOTS I KNOW. 

HEY WAIT  ----  THAT'S REDUNDANT......

 8)
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #858 on: February 25, 2007, 01:51:13 AM »
Ok, I looked...

That's just soooo wrong....
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #859 on: February 25, 2007, 02:40:26 AM »
HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD ONE.  I HAVE SENT IT TO ALL THE TWISTED PILOTS I KNOW. 

HEY WAIT  ----  THAT'S REDUNDANT......

 8)

that's funny, mom!

might be a case for the "DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT"                     
 ::rofl:: ::drinking::


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #860 on: March 05, 2007, 10:00:44 AM »
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00. George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back, that's what I want to do." The Consul says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price". "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance..............."  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #861 on: March 05, 2007, 10:13:08 AM »
I've heard the mother-in-law one before, but it's still good!  ;)
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #862 on: March 08, 2007, 01:33:53 AM »
Are Blonde jokes allowed in here?
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #863 on: March 08, 2007, 02:03:08 AM »
Are Blonde jokes allowed in here?
Well, try to see what jokes Firegirl have posted in the past and then take a look at her picture in the Show Your Picture thread  :D

Frank
« Last Edit: March 08, 2007, 02:10:14 AM by Frank N. O. »
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #864 on: March 08, 2007, 02:22:39 AM »
Are Blonde jokes allowed in here?
Well, try to see what jokes Firegirl have posted in the past and then take a look at her picture in the Show Your Picture thread  :D

Frank

Good to see Firegirl has a good sense of humour then!!!  ;D

A beautiful blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a Rooster."

 Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a Rooster."

 He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax.  Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.....", he said with a deep sigh, ...

 "Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #865 on: March 08, 2007, 10:31:23 AM »
Not sure if this one was posted before.... but.....


Did you hear about the beautiful blonde passenger that got on the plane?   She plunked herself down in the first class section, and sat contentedly.   Her assigned seat in coach sitting empty as a result.

Pushing back from the gate the flight attendants do the cross check and the one for first class says to her, "Miss, I'm sorry, but it looks like your seat is in the coach section.  I'll have to ask you to move please."

The blonde looks at the attendant, and politely says, "That's okay.   I'm fine here."

The attendant says, "I'm sorry, perhaps you don't realize.  Your assigned seat is in the coach section.  You didn't pay for this seat, so you have to move."

The blonde simply looks at her and says; "That's okay.   I am really fine here."

Somewhat exasperated, the flight attendant goes and tells the lead of the issue.   She too then goes to the blonde and says; "Miss, I'm really sorry, but you do have to move to your other seat."

The blonde, getting a bit more aggressive about it now says; "Look, the seat here was empty.  I'm blonde, beautiful, and I don't have to do anything I don't want to.  So there!"

Seeing that she is getting nowhere fast, the head flight attendant calls the cockpit; "Captain, we have an issue back here with a passenger.  She won't move from first class to her coach seat."

The Captain says; "Well, we're on hold for a bit at the gate, I'll see if I can do anything."

Entering the first class area, the Captain sees the flight attendants, and the passenger.... smiling... he goes over to the passenger... whispers in her ear.

To the other flight attendants amazement, the blonde says; "Well, why didn't anyone just tell me that before!  Thanks!", and moves to her assigned seat.

The attendants turn to the Captain and say; "What did you tell her?   She wouldn't move for us!"

The Captain said; "I used to have a blonde girlfriend.   I simply told her that first class wasn't going to Chicago!"

 ;D ;D



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We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #866 on: March 09, 2007, 03:02:31 AM »


 
The Preachers Son
 
An old southern country preacher form Georgia had a teenage son named
David (AKA Rosebud) and it was getting time the boy should give some
thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't
really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about
it.
 
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an
experiment.
 
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
-  a Bible, -  a silver dollar, -  a bottle of whiskey and -  a Playboy
magazine
 
I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and
when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he
picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and
what a blessing that would be!  If he picks up the dollar, he's going to
be a businessman, and that would be OK. But if picks up the bottle, he's
going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a
skirt-chasin' bum."
 
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he
entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his
books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the
objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to
inspect them.
 
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked
up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the
bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.
 
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna
be a fighter pilot."
"Do not read this signature under penalty of law."

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #867 on: March 10, 2007, 02:06:18 AM »

 
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked
up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the
bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold.
 
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered, "he's gonna
be a fighter pilot."


 ::rofl::

That's a great one!    hehehehe
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #868 on: March 10, 2007, 09:56:30 PM »
Three Girls Go Camping   

    
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper to do her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #869 on: March 10, 2007, 09:58:39 PM »
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.