Humor....I need Humor!

[Stef]

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked; “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”

The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

To which the rabbi replied, “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”

The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith”

The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”

The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith.”

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, and sat thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, “Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it!”

[G-man]

Chuck----dat you?

[Mike]

HAHA! That's awesome!

(I do feel bad for the chicken though....)

[YawningMan]

HAHA! That's awesome!

(I do feel bad for the chicken though....)

Why? I bet she's having the time of her life!

Also, "Gravity. Aye. That'll give you thrust!"

[Mike]

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.


Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay, what's your name?”


“Its Jack, and I’m Okay thanks,” I replied.

“Jack, forget your troubles.  Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later.”

“That's mighty nice of you,” I answered, “But I don't  think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive…I was weak.

“Well okay,” I finally agreed, and added, “But my wife won’t like it.”

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host.


“I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.”

“Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won't know anything.  By the way, where is she?”

“Under the cart!” I said…

 

[Mike]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife screams at him as his friend listens in. "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?

"Because he's thinking of getting married...."
 

[Busdriver]

Kind of a classic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI8UPHMzZm8

[Mike]

Subject: The sensitive male...


Picture a room full of pregnant women, with their husbands.

A nurse says, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial."

"It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself,
make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

"Gentlemen, remember -- you're both in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.  In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Nurse.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries the golf bag while we walk."

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't  it?   This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught!!

 

[MSM007]

Been a non aviator reader for awhile and when I saw this pic I knew I had to make an account on the forum and share it (hopefully not a repost):



Chuck, is that you?

[Stef]

Hi! And welcome to the coop! 

Are you on reddit, maybe?  I saw this pic there and recently posted it on our Facebook group... But it wasn't posted here in the forum yet, so, technically, you're the first!

[MSM007]

Nope, caught it on my cheezeburger/memebase RSS Feed.

[fastaviationdata]

Since I am new here, I will read this thread. This is a very funny thread for sure and I will keep on smiling for sure. 

[Mike]

Very different approach (Cute)
 
 
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle, and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the neighbors have company,"
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

[Mike]

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:  "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
 
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really fucked up now.”

[Mike]

I thought this was funny: