Humor....I need Humor!

[Rooster Cruiser]

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
 
Scared the Crap out of me.
 
So that's it!
 
After today, no more  reading. 
 

[FlyboyGil]

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
 
Scared the Crap out of me.
 
So that's it!
 
After today, no more  reading. 
 

RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!     

[FlyboyGil]

Bubba was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was REALLY angry.

She told him,  "Tomorrow morning I expect to find  a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds  !!!"

The next morning Bubba got up early and left for work. When his wife  woke up she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of  the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the  driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bubba has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for  him.

[Franz]

Great one . . .
------------------------------------------------

You are flying helicopters, but all you have is some old, run down sling wing thingy ?
There is still some hope for you: Pimp my Ride

[Rooster Cruiser]

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the
hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you Get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on
his privates?"

"Well, One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to
play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly,
instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and
blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

Larry is recovering in room 232 at John Hopkins Hospital.

 

[Rooster Cruiser]

One we can all relate to.   

[FlyboyGil]

One we can all relate to.   

That was actually kinda depressing

[Rooster Cruiser]

If its that depressing, just read the Tattoo post above it for a pick-me-up.  Hehe   

[airtac]

They forgot the LAST set of wheels----the hearse

[AirScorp]

What? No airplane wheels?? 

[Rooster Cruiser]

What? No airplane wheels?? 

Not for non-pilots.   

[Rooster Cruiser]

A Cow's Tail

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two
black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of
the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball
with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's
fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks
like yours!'"

"I don't remember much after that"

[Rooster Cruiser]

Having travelled across the length and breadth of NC, I can attest to the accuracy of these.

LOL A friend of mine send me these... Having friends from NC ...I had to laugh at these...
 
Things I have learned living in the mountains of North Carolina:

    1. A Possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
3. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
4. "Jaw-P" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom?"

5. People actually grow AND eat okra.
6. "Fixinto" is one word.
7. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
8. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
9. Backards and forards means "I know everything about you."
10. The word "Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
11. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
12. You don't PUSH butt ons, you MASH them.
13. You measure distance in minutes.
14. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You use "fix" as a verb. For example: "I'm fixing to go git somethin at eat."
16. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
17. You know what a "DAWG" is.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car. For your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.
21. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
22. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".
23. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
24. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."
25. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good soup weather.
26. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.
27. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Georgia & Tennessee friends (and those who just wish they were.)

[Baradium]

Having travelled across the length and breadth of NC, I can attest to the accuracy of these.

8. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Mmm....  tea....   tea goes good with breakfast.   

24. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

I knew a  guy in GA who went to Wal-mart for fun.  He wouldn't even buy anything.  He might buy a drink and then walk around the store for an hour or so.

[FlyboyGil]

MEN OF THE YEAR!! Yessir these men show their women just what they truly mean to them!