Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378006 times)

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1620 on: February 23, 2008, 12:21:21 AM »
 That's not fair---can't concentrate on the er-ah-uh-er --------what were we supposed to see again???? ::silly::

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1621 on: February 23, 2008, 12:26:43 AM »
That's not fair---can't concentrate on the er-ah-uh-er --------what were we supposed to see again???? ::silly::

I know---I've watched it 20 times and still have not got it down..oh well---off to watch it some more ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Skid Kid

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1622 on: February 23, 2008, 02:11:11 AM »
Some old, some new, but I'm still waiting for my chance to add one to the list!

Problem - Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution - Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution - No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Problem - Something loose in cockpit.
Solution - Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem - Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution - Live bugs on backorder.

Problem - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Solution - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution - Evidence removed.

Problem - DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution - Volume set to more believable level.

Problem - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution - That's what they are there for!

Problem - IFF inoperative.
Solution - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem - Suspected crack in windscreen.
Solution - Suspect you're right.

Problem - Number 3 engine missing.
Solution - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem - Aircraft handles funny.
Solution - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

Problem - Target radar hums.
Solution - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

Problem - Mouse in cockpit.
Solution - Cat installed.

Problem: The autopilot doesn't.
Solution: IT DOES NOW.

Problem: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
Solution: Fresh seat cushion on order.

Problem: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Solution: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

Problem: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Solution: Pilot removed from aircraft.

Problem: Pilot's clock inoperative.
Solution: Wound clock.

Problem: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Solution: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

Problem: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Solution: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

Problem: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Solution: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Problem: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
Solution: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

Problem: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Solution: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

Problem: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
Solution: Ground checks OK.

Problem: 3 roaches in cabin.
Solution: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

Problem: Weather radar went ape!
Solution: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!
Don't worry, it'll buff out.

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1623 on: February 23, 2008, 07:02:34 PM »
That's not fair---can't concentrate on the er-ah-uh-er --------what were we supposed to see again???? ::silly::

I know---I've watched it 20 times and still have not got it down..oh well---off to watch it some more ::whistle:: ::whistle::

my excuse is she did it so fast i missed what she was doing....and im sticking to it so no one say any diffrent off to watch it again so i can understand it  ::thinking::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1624 on: February 23, 2008, 09:21:39 PM »




And assuming you end up washing your clothes..you will need to know how to fold a shirt..I am here to help:

http://www.dorks.com/videos/ftdhbf.html

Wait wait. There was a shirt in that video?
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Skid Kid

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1625 on: February 23, 2008, 10:01:03 PM »
There was!  She took it off and I lost track of it...
Don't worry, it'll buff out.

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1626 on: February 24, 2008, 01:05:20 AM »
That's disgusting!  You guys are the epitome of "sexist pigs"  With that ,I'll be oinking off to my sty ::loony::

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1627 on: February 24, 2008, 01:44:22 AM »
  ::) Nope I didn't see the shirt ... hang on i'll check that again

 ::thinking:: NOPE no shirt at all in the video  ::whistle::
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1628 on: February 24, 2008, 09:17:51 AM »
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1629 on: February 25, 2008, 08:42:08 PM »
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
   
8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing. 
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing.
 5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing.
11:00pm  Sleeping on the bed! My favorite  thing!

 ==========================================   
 
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

This is day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me  with bizarre dangling  objects. They dine  lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make  my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape...  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the  floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would  strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.   However, they merely  made condescending  comments about what a  "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There  was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."  I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was  almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was  walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at  the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously  retarded! The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.  The captors have arranged  protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is  safe....... for now
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1630 on: February 27, 2008, 04:00:37 AM »
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:... ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow::
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:... ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow::
::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::

 ::drinking:: DonYan ::wave::

Don Yan---Being the animal lover you are..I thought you might appreciate that one.. ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1631 on: February 28, 2008, 03:54:42 AM »
It all makes sense now! ::drinking::

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
 
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
 
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
 
So God agreed.
 
On the second day, God created the monkey and  said:
 
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll  give you a 20 year life span.'
 
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?'
 
And God agreed.
 
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
 
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family.  For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.'
 
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
 
And God agreed again.
 
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
 
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years.'
 
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you  possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back, that makes 80, okay?'
 
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
 
So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family.  For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
 
Life has now been explained to you.  ;D
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1632 on: February 28, 2008, 01:46:02 PM »
I want the first 20 back ::sulk::  ::sulk:: What's up with the 40 years of slavery... ::rofl::
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1633 on: February 28, 2008, 04:50:36 PM »
is it too late to ask for a refund?
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1634 on: February 29, 2008, 12:40:03 AM »
is it too late to ask for a refund?

 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: refunds only given during the warranty period  ;D
YEWWWwwwwwwwww