Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1403958 times)

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1215 on: September 22, 2007, 03:52:39 AM »
Frank, I DO have a pony-tail. But I never got to see the joke.

So, please repost that picture so I can have a hard laugh on myself  ::wave::


PS: See that little fellow that's my avatar? That's me, ponytail, bass and all. Drew it myself too!

Nick, do you play base, or six-string?  Glad you can put yer hair in a ponytail.  I can't.   ::sulk::

"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1216 on: September 22, 2007, 04:30:08 AM »
Sorry for making you all nervous Frank!   :-[

I was just messing around. You wanna hang with fire pilots . . . it will happen sooner or later.
But I did draw plenty of happy faces just 10min later!  :)

I picked G-Man because I knew he'll "get it", you know!


Remember we are all here to have a good time rather than figure out who offended who (even though this happens every now and then . . . but if you remember right --> I HATE that part!!)  ;D


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Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1217 on: September 22, 2007, 05:07:10 AM »
Mike: Uhm, no I didn't, I don't remember his picture.

Frank

Here, I figured I would post my picture---long hair an all...although I should probably put it in the "Post your picture" forum....

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1218 on: September 22, 2007, 06:59:52 PM »
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline AirScorp

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1219 on: September 22, 2007, 08:14:17 PM »
Ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Does it have one on the other side too, or is it just the pilot scaring the crap out of the FO?
It's all Greek to me!

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1220 on: September 24, 2007, 08:38:08 PM »
WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID, READ THIS


(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why

Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not
Live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
Then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
Which is why I would not live forever,'


-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .


``````````````````````````````````

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
All over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
To be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
Death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey


````````````

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
Important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .


`````````````````````````````````````````````````
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
Of my body,'
-- Winston Bennett,
University Of Kentucky basketball forward .


`````````````````````````````````````````````

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
Lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

 
`````````````````````````````
'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
Our papers. We are the president.'
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
Subpoenaed documents.


````````````````````````````````````````````````````

'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
By a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas .


````````````````````````````

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


``````````````````````````````````

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
The impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President 


And ..


'We are ready for an unforeseen event that
May or may not occur.'
-- Al Gore, VP

```````````````````
'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .' 


-- Dan Quayle


``````````

'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
Clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca

```````````

'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A
Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.' -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.


````````````````````````````````````````````

'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
Certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .

`````````````````````````````````
'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.' 
--Bill Clinton, President

````````````````
'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
From overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery


````````````````

'Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
You passed away. May God bless you. You may
Reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina


````````````````````````````````````````````

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
In at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
Heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
They wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1221 on: September 24, 2007, 09:37:34 PM »
Quote
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why

Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not
Live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
Then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
Which is why I would not live forever,'


-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

Hunh...  I'm guessing the judges didn't select her based on her brains...  ::banghead:: ::banghead:: ::banghead::











... or lack of them.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2007, 09:40:21 PM by Rooster Cruiser »
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1222 on: September 24, 2007, 11:15:28 PM »

Hunh...  I'm guessing the judges didn't select her based on her brains...  ::banghead:: ::banghead:: ::banghead::

... or lack of them.

Kinda like this one huh?..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1223 on: September 25, 2007, 03:05:16 PM »

Hunh...  I'm guessing the judges didn't select her based on her brains...  ::banghead:: ::banghead:: ::banghead::

... or lack of them.

Kinda like this one huh?..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII

WOW---and to think people like this have the opportunity to vote  ::banghead:: 

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1224 on: September 25, 2007, 08:39:09 PM »

Hunh...  I'm guessing the judges didn't select her based on her brains...  ::banghead:: ::banghead:: ::banghead::

... or lack of them.

Kinda like this one huh?..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII

WOW---and to think people like this have the opportunity to vote  ::banghead:: 

scary, isn't it?!
 ::eek::


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Offline AirScorp

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1225 on: September 26, 2007, 12:15:15 PM »
And in some countries they have the OBLIGATION to vote.. Even scarier.. We had elections last week and I'm still sore  ::rofl::
It's all Greek to me!

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1226 on: September 26, 2007, 05:33:29 PM »
An here, finally, without further uhh-do:

Some chicken jokes!!  ::wave:: ::wave:: ::wave::



Why did the chicken cross the road?

_______________________________________________________

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must
first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes
after
the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help
him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems
before adding "NEW" problems.

____________________________________________________

OPRAH:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not  live his life like the rest of the chickens.

____________________________________________________

GEORGE W BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know  if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either  against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

____________________________________________________

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of  the chicken crossing the road...

____________________________________________________

ANDERSONCOOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

____________________________________________________

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It  was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

___________________________________________________

NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his  eyes and the way he walks.

____________________________________________________

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

____________________________________________________

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider  information.

____________________________________________________

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

____________________________________________________

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

____________________________________________________

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain side."
That's  why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay.   
And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all  chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media
whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That
chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as
that.

____________________________________________________

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us  the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

____________________________________________________

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life  long dream of crossing the road.

____________________________________________________

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in
peace.

____________________________________________________

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

____________________________________________________

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book.

Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken. This new platform is
much
more stable and will never cras...#@&&^( C .. ... reboot.

____________________________________________________

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

___________________________________________________

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

____________________________________________________

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________

AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

_____________________________________________

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

____________________________________________________

DICK CHENEY:

Where's my gun?

 



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Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1227 on: September 26, 2007, 06:58:21 PM »
Quote
AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!

MoveOn.org responds:

We support Al Gore and his invention of the chicken, and we ask all Americans to support Al Gore with us.


"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1228 on: September 26, 2007, 07:00:22 PM »
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's
sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks,
"How will I recognize him?" That's easy, he's a
midget with a speech impediment."
 
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him
if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth.
Can I
thee her eyeth"? So the guy picks up the midget and he gives
the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
 
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the
horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
 
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point,
but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf,can I see her twat"?
 
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher
grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far
as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him
on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound
a widdlebit"?   ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1229 on: September 26, 2007, 08:55:57 PM »
Determining the sex of a fly...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".


Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........