Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1378240 times)

Offline Turbomallard

  • Rooster
  • ****
  • Posts: 418
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1560 on: January 30, 2008, 10:52:51 PM »
Well now, see, in the rural area where I grew (SAC bases hearby) we adopted a more pragmatic approach, rather than "duck and cover" we figured it would be more practical to just bend over and kiss our butt goodby! ::knockedout::

Yeah, well if you were lucky a Nike Hercules would have taken out the enemy bomber formations... and then all you would have to do is survive the radiation resulting from the Nike's 20-40KT warheads detonated in the area!

TM
"Do not read this signature under penalty of law."

Offline PiperGirl

  • Rooster
  • ****
  • Posts: 278
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1561 on: January 31, 2008, 02:59:28 PM »
Gotta love South Carolina.

Last November the /New Orleans Times Picayune/ reported that a Cajun amateur archaeologist having dug to a depth of 10 meters found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years.... and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Cajuns, in the weeks that followed, Texas scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters. Shortly after, headlines in the/Dallas Morning News/ read: ' Texas archaeologists have found traces of 200-year old copper wire, and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network one hundred years earlier than the Cajuns.

One week later, /The Sun News, Myrtle Beach/ reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 meters in fields near Conway, SC, Bubba Williams (who also invented the TOOTHbrush), a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago in South Carolina they were already using wireless.
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Oddball

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2414
  • I crash better than anybody I know
    • Myspace profile
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1562 on: February 01, 2008, 05:31:32 PM »
hey whats wrong wi playing the pipes?  ::sulk::
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline FlyboyGil

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1640
  • AW, CRAP!!!
    • MYSPACE!!!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1563 on: February 02, 2008, 12:30:34 AM »
hey whats wrong wi playing the pipes?  ::sulk::

How do I put it nicely...... ::whistle:: ::whistle:: :P :P :P
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1640
  • AW, CRAP!!!
    • MYSPACE!!!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1564 on: February 02, 2008, 12:34:32 AM »
Dear Walter :
 
I  hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34 , and we have been married for twelve years.When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
 
Can you please help?
 
Sincerely,
 
Sheila
 
 
Dear Sheila:
 
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
 
I hope this helps -
 
Walter
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline AirScorp

  • Rooster
  • ****
  • Posts: 369
  • Nick
    • Me on myspace
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1565 on: February 02, 2008, 01:28:17 AM »
hey whats wrong wi playing the pipes?  ::sulk::

Nothing's wrong with the pipes! In fact, they rock! Matter of perspective I think  ::sulk::

Now, to how that littl'o duck was going to play the pipes, I'd rather not be near while he's learning!
« Last Edit: February 02, 2008, 01:29:52 AM by AirScorp »
It's all Greek to me!

airtac

  • Guest
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1566 on: February 02, 2008, 01:53:35 AM »
hey whats wrong wi playing the pipes?  ::sulk::

How do I put it nicely...... ::whistle:: ::whistle:: :P :P :P

GEEZ Gilly--don't be hard on the Scottish delegate  ::knockedout::  He's liable to grab that bloody big sword they're always  carrying and go hunting for a Roo ::rambo::

Any guy that can leave Junior and the twins dangling out in the breeze whilst trotting around the highlands in cold weather MUST be tough !! |:)\

Here in Sonoma County we have the Scottish games every year, they toss around a big thingy they call a caber, throw big ass boulders, play bagpipes, and pour Scoth whiskey like it's water on a fire ::eek:: it attracts about 50,000 people who eat stuff like Haggis (a cows stomach stuffed with green crap ::sick::) and dance their butts off to wild music...Quite a party and the pipes attract the biggest following.
Matter of fact, if any of you muttonheads live long enough to attend my memorial--I've requested "Amazing Grace" to be played on the bagpipes |:)\

Offline BrianGMFS

  • Rooster
  • ****
  • Posts: 429
  • My other car is a Firefly
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1567 on: February 02, 2008, 02:34:43 AM »
Quote
I've requested "Amazing Grace" to be played on the bagpipes

Got that right.... I attended the Memorial service for the 6 firefighters who were killed in Worcester Massachusetts in 1999. When the pipes started with Amazing Grace, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, Me included.... About 20,000 firefighters inside the Worcester Centrum and about another 20,000 outside... I was in about the last 100 or so who got inside, I was sitting next to a guy from the Honolulu Fire Dept. Even ole Slick Willie (Bill Clinton) and Al Gore had the tissues out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worcester_Cold_Storage_Warehouse_fire

Brian

-

"Take my love, take my land. Take me where I cannot stand. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me."

airtac

  • Guest
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1568 on: February 02, 2008, 03:13:21 AM »
Quote
I've requested "Amazing Grace" to be played on the bagpipes

Got that right.... I attended the Memorial service for the 6 firefighters who were killed in Worcester Massachusetts in 1999. When the pipes started with Amazing Grace, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, Me included.... About 20,000 firefighters inside the Worcester Centrum and about another 20,000 outside... I was in about the last 100 or so who got inside, I was sitting next to a guy from the Honolulu Fire Dept. Even ole Slick Willie (Bill Clinton) and Al Gore had the tissues out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worcester_Cold_Storage_Warehouse_fire

Brian
Slick Willie does'nt count---he gets dewey-eyed whenever he tastes a cigar!   ;) ::rofl::
« Last Edit: February 02, 2008, 01:19:05 PM by airtac »

Offline Oddball

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2414
  • I crash better than anybody I know
    • Myspace profile
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1569 on: February 02, 2008, 08:18:05 AM »
i was at my grandads funeral last summer  down in england wearing my kilt and it was when the lone piper played flowers of the forest that what got me going (there are pics of me and him on here)
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Oddball

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2414
  • I crash better than anybody I know
    • Myspace profile
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1570 on: February 02, 2008, 10:30:30 PM »
Don look for LTYC:escort to the colour im the young one in the kilt
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline Mike

  • Supreme Overlord
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 3376
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1571 on: February 02, 2008, 11:34:24 PM »
Dear Walter :
 
I  hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34 , and we have been married for twelve years.When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
 
Can you please help?
 
Sincerely,
 
Sheila
 
 
Dear Sheila:
 
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
 
I hope this helps -
 
Walter

Oh Gilly!

Bagpipes are fun, but you made my day. Almost spit out my drink!
 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
Thanks!


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline FlyboyGil

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1640
  • AW, CRAP!!!
    • MYSPACE!!!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1572 on: February 03, 2008, 12:29:39 AM »
Dear Walter :
 
I  hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34 , and we have been married for twelve years.When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
 
Can you please help?
 
Sincerely,
 
Sheila
 
 
Dear Sheila:
 
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
 
I hope this helps -
 
Walter

Oh Gilly!

Bagpipes are fun, but you made my day. Almost spit out my drink!
 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
Thanks!

I'm glad someone noticed this one. I was beginning to wonder if everyone skipped it. And yes I like the bagpipes as well. I just had to be crazy. The Airforce Song I posted before, was partly pipes. I've heard a good version of "the Maple Leaf Forever" played on them.  |:)\ |:)\
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline PiperGirl

  • Rooster
  • ****
  • Posts: 278
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1573 on: February 04, 2008, 07:49:49 PM »
Very Light Jets
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline Rooster Cruiser

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1996
  • Retired Chicken Hauler
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1574 on: February 06, 2008, 09:33:44 PM »
How the fight started...


Officer, this is how the fight started...
I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was my fault.

So, we both pull over to the side of the road, and slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his
car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed... and life... sometimes life
seems like... suddenly funny?

Well, the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF! He gets out of his car and I get out of my car.

He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close at me he looks up in my face and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
And I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I look down at him and I said, "Well, if you're not Happy -- which one are you?"

.. . . and that's when the fight started...


 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall