Greatest Lies in Aviation!

[Ted_Stryker]

I only need glasses for reading.

Actually flew with a guy the other day that landed better without his glasses than with. He said he doesn't have depth perception without his glasses and flies the plane down on the runway, rather than trying to land.

I think we've discovered a new kind of aviator then!!  You've come across a rare species in fact!  They are called "Magooviators"! 

[Mike]

I had a student who could only do two or three autorotations in a row because he got so nervous about them that he started sweating so hard his glasses would fog up!
We hat to set the helo down and he needed to clean his glasses every time, ha ha

[Frank N. O.]

Lol at both of you. Autorotation is when an emergency landing using the remaining forward and rotor-speed when the engines are switched off (to practice for a engine-failure) right? Doesn't sound fun if he got so nervous, but on the other hand as the classic saying goes: What's the big thing on top of a helicopter for? To keep the pilot cool, if you don't believe me then switch it off and see him sweat

Frank

[Jay512]

The only good icing is the kind you can scrape off of the plane after you land and put it in your soda!

FSS over headset: theres light to moderate rime in your area!

Passenger in back: is that grapefruits or oranges?

Training flight from Des Moines (KDSM) to Rush City (KROS)

Somewhere over Minneapolis Class B:

ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 090.
Pilot: Turn to 090, Eight Zero Uniform.
ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 180.
Pilot: Turn to 180, Eight Zero Uniform.
ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 270.
Pilot: Turn to 270, Eight Zero Uniform.
ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 360.
Pilot: Turn to 360, Eight Zero Uniform, and my instructor wants to know why we did that circle?
ATC: Your flight plan form says "IFR Training Flight"  were just getting you ready for an extremely long hold over LENNK.
Pilot: We will be waiting for that long hold over... hey!

[Mike]

Here is a good one:
One of my pilots told me that when he was talking about the sling job he did:

"I was right at red line the whole time!"

HAHA, I am sure the aviators among you know what that means....

[Ted_Stryker]

Another good one:

It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?

[Firegirl]

Of course I cool down my turbine for 2 minutes every time, sometimes I do an even longer cool-down.

[SkyKing]

Any good flying lie has to start with the traditional opener:

"There I was, flat on my back, outta fuel, outta ammo, no commo and I had to p**s!"

Rotorheads substitution ". . .at 5000 feet" for "flat on my back" . . .

FACs version:  "There I was, fifty feet over the Trail, outta fuel, outta markers, no commo, fast movers inbound, and I had to p**s"

[wbarnhill]

"You need any fuel?" "Nah, we've got enough."  (Sadly, this lie is heard far too many times.)

[C310RCaptian]

Who hasnt done this one.....

PAX-How fast are we going?

Pilot-About 170 Knotts over the ground

PAX-How fast is that in miles per hour?

Pilot- O' Bout 260MPH!!!!!

(True conversion for those who dont know is 1.15x Knotts)

[SkyKing]

I only need glasses for reading.

Actually flew with a guy the other day that landed better without his glasses than with.  He said he doesn't have depth perception without his glasses and flies the plane down on the runway, rather than trying to land.

Chuck, is that you?

[FlyingBlind]

Hmm, this thread is loosing its former glory! Lock it, ooh humble Capitoons

Did you re-pack your parachute ?  Yeah yeah..naturally

[SteepTurn]

don't worry, this noise is absolutely normal

[spacer]

"You need any fuel?" "Nah, we've got enough."  (Sadly, this lie is heard far too many times.)

hehe... with what we charged for fuel at my FBO, we heard it a LOT.

Printed on the menu at our restaurant: "Greatest hamburger in Aviation History"
right... not bad, but not THAT good.