Ignominious (and just funny) Moments in Aviation.......

[TheSoccerMom]

So, some buds and I have been laughing about all the less-than-glamorous moments we've endured in Aviation.   Those fine, shining moments where things either just went wrong, no one should have gotten out of bed, or (my favorite) some ignorant moron walks up and simply opens his mouth.   

I'm going to throw a few out here, to share.  What are yours?!?!?!? 

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There was the time, in Reno, Nevada, when I was waiting for the last passenger to show up....  I had the door open on the plane...  and was keeping an eye out.  He showed up, and I was in the FBO, rounding up the last of the bunch, and then walked back down the hall to get one last drink of water from the fountain.  By the time I got back to the glass doors leading to the ramp, my 8 passengers were outside, walking toward the plane.  I thanked the guy behind the desk, nodded at the door so he would open it, and.....  he refused to.  In short, he didn't believe I was the pilot, and started lipping off when I told him just to open the #$%## door.  By now, the pax are clumped like a herd of goats by the open door on the plane, staring back at me through the glass doors, wondering where the heck I went.  That guy was just NOT going to open the doors.   

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While flying with a buddy in a Cessna 150, over the pretty lakes of northen Idaho, I had to pee so badly that I said "We have to just land somewhere!"  I grabbed the chart, saw that there was a small, uncontrolled aiport just over the next ridge, and said "We gotta go, NOW."  We set up for a normal pattern, with me saying "As soon as we stop, I'm hopping out!", only to realize there were dozens and dozens of airplanes, all along the runway, in the grass, on the ramp, EVERYWHERE.  There were kids, people and dogs EVERYWHERE.  We had stumbled into a friendly little fly-in!  It was really, really hard to find a spot to park and then try to race off to the trees, without seeming rude to all the people coming up to visit and chat.  And here I thought we'd find an empty little stretch of runway, without a soul around.  A few people even CLAPPED as we pulled into a grassy spot to park -- it WAS an immaculate little 150, and I guess they thought we were there to show her off.   Talk about timing!!     

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There was the time I flew across the whole state of Montana and when I landed, saw I had left the airplane key in the door lock.  DUH.   

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Last summer, upon return to work after my 2 days off, I saw my plane was gone.  There had been an early fire call, and so the relief pilot took it.  Since I was there, with no plane, I figured it'd be a good time to clean up our messy little shack.  I opened the doors, and was busy hauling out bags of garbage when a helitack crew from out of state landed, and came in.  The foreman asked where was the regular crew (we had half the building, and they were in the other half), and so I told him they were out on a fire.  I showed him where they could set up their gear.  The guy finally said, "So...  are you the janitor here?"   YUP.   

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Or, then there was the guy who came up to the FBO counter while I was paying for fuel last summer....  He said loudly, and knowingly, "SO!  You've been out practicing going to the fires!"  WHAT?  I said "Well, we've been out to the fires, yes."  And he yelled it again "Oh no, I know, you're out there PRACTICING!"  (There were fires everywhere at the time, and lots of smoke in town and at the airport.)  I never did have a CLUE what he was talking about, but ---- what can you expect from a guy who had on a flightsuit covered with about 30 patches, and had just come in in his Cessna 150?!?!?!   (I finally decided he fell into that category of "local color".)     

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And, of course, there are all the (hundreds of) briefings where the room goes silent and I get the EVIL EYE for "barging in" to where the PILOTS are......  right Mike?!?!?!?!!!!  Those are just so....  SPECIAL!!!   HA HA!!     

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And then...  and then....  "there I was".....  ha ha!  C'mon, let's hear some stories!!!!!!!

 

[undatc]

Hmmm I have nothing that contends with your stories, but I will attempt.

So for Avit 102 (the private pilot class here at UND) you're required to observe some flights of other students.  The idea being that you will catch mistakes they are making, see you're doing them too, and correct yourself.  So I am on this flight sitting in the back seat of this Seminole and we take off climb up pretty quick and hit cruise speed of about 210kts (nice tail wind).  After doing the check list, the student CFI turns around to me and somewhat cockily asks, "so this is a helluva lot better than the warrior eh?  this baby is so fast you'll love it!"

Slightly miffed, i replied back, "not really, your just another dot on my screen and frankly your IFR dot moves to damn slow for sequencing, you screw everything up"

I swear his dropping jaw was going to put a hole in the floor board.  He simply replied, "ATC?"

"Yup..."

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One more, it was late March last year and it had warmed up to a nice 28 degrees or so.  By UND policy, since it was still below freezing we had to have hat, boots, gloves, and a heavy coat.  Which I did.  However considering the previous weeks highs sat around -10 this was a heat wave for us, so I was in a sweat shirt and shorts, and had all my "required gear" in a back pack with me.  I went out, did my preflight, my instructor came out, signed off on me, and we hopped in, cranked it up and called up ground.

"Sioux 55 on Charlie with Echo, would like taxi information for a VFR southeast departure."

"Sioux 55 Grand Forks Ground, runway 17L taxi via Charlie Bravo, and Sioux 55 thanks for the cheery attitude and the high hopes of an early spring but aint it a lil cold?"

"uh not really ground and thanks we copy information"

we laughed about that the entire flight, however on landing the flight operations director met us at the door and chewed me out, which i responded with his book of reg's, and he stormed off.  The next day they issued a new "addition to the flight op regs for UND"

[Baradium]

I want to hear more about the FBO guy who didn't let you outside!



Chris:  MTSU required long pants for all flights, summer or winter.   

Of course, that rule was the result of an accident.




I'm trying to think of a good story.   But I can talk about how we took the 1900 mudding today, right?   


Breakup is here....


How about the way too many times I was walking from the back of the airplane where I stowed the tail stand and as I pass by the wing tip slip on the ice and fall flat?   

My summer boots grip ice great... my winter boots don't.  I'm about to take my expensive and new winter boots and get their new soles removed and get some decent ones put on....   

I think the last time for the season was last week...

[TheSoccerMom]

Ouch!!  I hate falling on the ice!!  So it works well, living in a place like this with hardly any winter at all....   

I made up for it, though, around Christmastime...  arriving in Vermont in the midst of a horrid ice storm at night....  I was inching across my sister's ice-coated, SLOPED driveway and she appeared on the porch to shout encouragement:  "Man, be careful!!  DON'T DROP THE BEER!!!!"   

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After I got my private license, I was happy to take one of my good friends from work up for a mountain tour.  She'd flown so much in the helicopters at work that I never even considered she might fall prey to airsickness.  The minute she turned to a pale avocado hue, I immediately turned for home -- but she was ILL.  I realized, cussing "YOU DUMMY!" to myself, that I had NO barf bags...  I had always been by myself!  OH MAN, and she was some cool shades of green. 

We touched down, and I was telling her "Hang in there, we're almost to the ramp!" when she looked at me and said "I can't make it."

I had to call ground control and ask permission to stop on the taxiway....  I'm sure they all got quite a good laugh out of watching the door on the C-150 open, her green little head hang all the way out, and the ensuing adventure.   Not to mention all the comments about my SMOOTH piloting..  HA HA!!!!   

[Frank N. O.]

Ah great stories, if only I could have such fun. Actually funny you should mention that about not being let out, I'd wondered if I might experience that if I got to become a pilot and were delivering something to a larger airport in a small plane where I didn't need to wear a pilot uniform. But don't you have a FAA CPL license to show, and maybe someone at the pilot-info desk could ID you? And how did you get in in the first place btw?

Frank

[TheSoccerMom]

Hi Frank,   

I'm sure you will get to fly as you like -- no matter when, or where.  I've met some student pilots in their 70s, and they were great!!  (Not that it would take you until then....!!)   You have such a love for flying, you will do it.   

As to your question, once you park at a busy airport, usually on the FBO (fixed-base operator)'s ramp, you can walk INTO the facilities (usually) with no problem.  The security "kicks in" once you are on the public side, and need to get back out onto the ramp.  MOST places have employees with enough brain cells to recognize pilots when they come IN, but it does happen that they think you are just some idiot who does NOT need to get into the secure area. 

I can say this has happened to me WAY more than you would believe..  there are plenty of times when I STILL can't believe it, even though I know enough to expect it!!  I know Mike, too, has stories about people not thinking he was the pilot, and not wanting to let him get near his own trusty helicopter!!  People have a real "pilot stereotype" model in their head, and well, if you don't fit that, you don't get to go out to your own aircraft!!  HA.  It is all very stupid.

That jerk in Reno got a few of his measly brain cells (6 out of rearranged that day....  I wasn't rude, just told him he had better let me out before I made those 8 people late for their next meeting, and if he'd LIKE, he could keep it up until THEY all came back inside in anger.  He still didn't believe me, but there are plenty more mental giants just like him out there.   

You'd think wearing a flightsuit MIGHT help, but even during fire season, when I am with my spotter (also in a flightsuit), HE'S the one who gets approached to see if HE needs fuel, parking, etc., etc.  They all think it's hilarious, and we get some really good laughs out of it, especially when they say crazy stuff in response.  Sometimes it's amazing what people will say in the FBO, not knowing we are with the airplane....  One old guy sagely nodded at my airplane and told his buddy:  "Them Otters are a real handful!!"  (WHAT?!?!)  Oh, it gets funny for sure!!!!!   

 

[TheSoccerMom]

Ohh...  there was the time I got out to my plane (before a passenger trip!), and discovered a pair of pink women's panties draped over the yoke......   hee hee.....   

Boy with friends like these, you don't need enemies.....     

[Frank N. O.]

Ohh...  there was the time I got out to my plane (before a passenger trip!), and discovered a pair of pink women's panties draped over the yoke......   hee hee.....   

Boy with friends like these, you don't need enemies.....     

Hmmm, where did they get those from?  That's a gender-based joke that can seriously backfire for a man right there, one way or the other.

Frank

[TheSoccerMom]

Ha ha, well, I honestly don't know WHERE they got them -- but they were nice ones, cotton and a pretty pink.  They had taken the extra, you might even say THOUGHTFUL step, of stamping them with the crew logo, too -- I mean, these babies were OFFICIAL.

I saw them just as I opened the front door and was standing on the wing of the Baron, so I whipped around and waved them over my head with an accusatory glare, and heard roars of laughter coming from all the way across the ramp. 

Like I said...  with friends like these......   

 

[TheSoccerMom]

Also, another real safety issue is making sure you have conscientious ramp people, so we do a back-up safety check to be sure we are making eye contact when we taxi into a new ramp.

You can always (always!) tell the SECOND the ramp person has made eye conatct with the Captain, when the Captain wears the required Safety glasses, you know, those ones with the big rubber nose and the bushy black eyebrows sticking out over the sexy black plastic-rimmed glasses.

It's foolproof. 
 
 

[G-man]

[Frank N. O.]

  aw man that was totally excellent!!

Frank

[Mike]

Ok here is one. Jim and Mary know this one from Winnemucca.

You might have noticed in the "Adventures of Panaca Jane" thread that I don't always wear the Nomex flight suit. It gets a little too hot for my taste in the desert of Nevada so I opted to wear the camo pants the smoke jumper wear and a yellow fire shirt. The BLM doesn't care as long as you all "nomexed" up from head to toe.
We landed in Winnemucca and I was as always immediately trying to work on Chicken Wings as long as I am not in the air which I need internet for. Somebody told me where the "pilots lounge" was which was supposed to have internet. I took my nomex shirt off and threw it in the aircraft and headed for the shack to log in. After introducing myself to all the pilots I sat down and fired up my laptop. A few minutes later a friendly guy from the BLM, later identified as the helibase manager, walked in an tapped me on the shoulder to tell me "You know this is the pilots lounge, right?" I said "Ok, thanks!" already deeply involved in emails and such.

He came back a half hour later and once again walked up to me telling me "See, what we do here is we have the pilots get their own room so they can relax and not get bothered by the crews running in and out. It's a safety thing."
I replied once again "Oh, ok! That's a great idea. Thanks." wondering why he keeps telling me this but not really paying too much attention.
The other guys already started to giggle but I was concentrating on making the first book happening.

The manager was almost at the door when he turned around now slightly irritated about me ignoring him but still friendly and said: "You know, I really need you to sit with your crew. You can't be in here."
Now I am totally confused and I ask him "I thought you said this was the pilots lounge" and he responded "Exactly!" as in "now you're getting it".

....well the other guys already busted out laughing and I finally understood where we went wrong. I briefed him on me being the pilot of Panaca Jane, the clown colored helicopter, and that I just look young. Everybody had a ball but he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks because he thought I did it on purpose....

 

[TheSoccerMom]

OH YEAH, do we ever know that routine Mike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Thanks for sharing.  Of course, in that very same little tiny room, I got the "Oh, so are you the SEAT clerk?" question, and then when I said I was with the jumpers, the guy STILL didn't think I was the pilot...  and when he figured out that was the case, he never spoke to me again, either!!!!!   

And Ely was where they thought I was the janitor.....   

And the guy at the main base gate this morning in Boise, had to be told 4 separate times that I needed to go to the JUMPER building....  (don't have the official badge yet for this year).....  and just when I thought I was getting through to him, he said in confusion "So, you're a jumper?"  ARRGGH.  When I told him I was the pilot, he, too, suddenly lost the ability to speak.   

On the bright side, I am greatly reassured and relieved to think that maybe I could actually GET a job as a clerk or a janitor...  so that's the GOOD news here!!!!       

Hey, fire season is now here for me...  tomorrow starts the contract!!!!!!!!!   

[G-man]

I know how all that "misunderstanding" goes. I flew in Hawaii for 7 years, and chose not to wear shoes---shorts, aloha shirt and barefoot--the only way to fly. You would not believe the amount of people who would mistake me for the loader. Of course its rude to not play on it, especially on the post lunch flight---I would talk to my loader and get the van keys---drive the pax out, brief them, load them---then say---"well I guess the pilot is taking a long lunch---I've seen him do this---it'll be ok trust me". Then I'd jump in fire it up and off we go---of course you have to have them all "lean to the left on my count", and bank it on the count of 3...................Ah the fun times........