We flew a survey job with an Aussie scientist who was honestly quite dismayed that we showed up to cart him around with no epaulets on our shoulders. It turned into a constant teasing over the next few weeks, as we criss-crossed the country. He had a million reasons why we "NEEDED" them... his favorite being "But, it'll get us chicks at the hotel!!" Which, of course, always got me to respond the same way: "Well, that doesn't do much for me!"
Fortunately, on the last day, the guy I was flying with realized he had two sets, still in the virgin plastic they came in, lying under a layer of dust in the bottom of his flight bag. We found some giant black binder clips, and clipped them, rather ingloriously, onto the shoulders of our T-shirts while enroute back to base. We waited to see how long it would take the Epaulet Fetish King to notice, and we were just about to give up on his powers of observation, when an ear-splitting laugh came over the headsets. He cracked up!

But... he was still bummed about not getting all the chicks.
