if it can be of any help, Dostoievski helped me a great deal with his "memories of the underground". But remember, while you are there, that it even if they are supposed to be for true the best years of your life, I was told the same thing, the fact you do not feel that, doesn't necessarily mean they are lost. you will get an equilibrium that will give you the chance to appreciate more and fully what comes next. you're almost at the end of your studies, it's a scary, incredibly scary moment, snce it's like when you're going to throw yourself out of a plane (never tried parachuting, but I still presume it could be the feeling). When I was in your shoes I was scared to death, and thought that maybe once I would have finished all was looking for would not have realized, and maybe it was not was I was looking for, or maybe I was the wrong person for the future I wanted, and in the meantime, the love field had thrown me into a nightmare, collapsing, destroying the last piillar of lfe that was stll standing and had given some happiness and equilibrium, makng me feel betrayed by life, by love and with a big deal of sadness and loss and the feeling of responsability to have to cope with. And actually, they aren't always the best years of life. Don't stick to that belief, since they can be hard, but the work you're doing on yourself wll give you - and in that believe me - all the "weapons" necessary to enjoy more, and enojoy fully, what comes next and yourself too. I hope it can help.
I identify a lot with this. This is my 6th year in college, and I'll be near 7 when all is said and done. This has been the only constant unmoving thing in life for me. In a few weeks, I'll register for classes, hopefully, for the last time. It's really weird telling people im a senior in college. I remeber, a long time ago, I think i was in sixth grade or so I was in the doctors office getting a check up for something or other, and I asked the doctor, "how many years it took him to become a doctor?" He replied, "well 13 years in primaray school, 5 in college, and another 3 in med school, for a total of 20 years." I turned to my mom with almost tears in my eyes, "I think I'll die if I have to go to school for 21 years." And now looking back, this has been 15 years for me in school. Wow. I wonder quite often if I have chosen the right path. In lab when I'm working traffic everything just flows, one clearence to the next, but when we get more into technical things, I struggle, for instance yesterday we started uncontrolled IFR departures from satalite airports. It wasnt so much phraseology, thats easy, its time management. I have to read N12345 a clearence and a void time, while DAL NWA and DLH are all calling in and AFR needs a turn and an ILS clearence.
It all worked out, though AFR busted the localizer, and had to make a left turn to 250 to reintercept, which also required a pointout to the North Sector, but because of the unique nature of the job, I can be cut loose at almsot anytime in the next several years. If I fail anyone of several tests, I can no longer be a controller. If I cant pass a medical, or a back ground check, I can be a controller. If my trainer at OKC doesnt like me, i cant be a controller. It's really distressing to know all this, and wonder, "has the last 5 or 6 years been a waste?" As if i dont check out, and cant be a controller, my degree is basicly, worthless.
Anyway, I wrote this as I was sitting in micro economics, and the prof was kinda giving me some dirty looks, so I think I'm gonna go back and pay attention to class. Big game this weekend, Sioux & Gopher, I leave in a couple of hours to go to MSP for the game, wish the SIOUX luck!!!