Author Topic: Bad Flight Planning  (Read 3078 times)

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Bad Flight Planning
« on: August 24, 2010, 03:21:51 PM »
Yanno...  There is a thread on an aviation forum that asked people for their worst experiences like this one in an airplane.  I am reposting my favorite here (not my own experience), but the entire thread ran for 34 pages before it finally petered out!  LMAO!!!

Another great one fellas, and one many of us out here can relate to!   ::bow:: |:)\

RC

Quote
When I was a traffic watch pilot in San Diego, we had a big day coming up when the owner of the company came out for a visit and to fly along with us. I spent the prior day washing and cleaning up the airplane. We checked and re-checked everything to ensure there would be no screw-ups.



I left for work early on the fateful day, or course, lest some disaster delay my commute. As I was a couple of blocks from MYF, I realized I'd be way early and had time to eat something before the flight.



Just my luck, Rally's (a fast food joint) had a special on Sloppy Joes. I didn't order one, or two, I ordered three in some pang of gluttony.



The weather was good, the staff shows up , and off we go, with the reporters (2) and I doing our utmost to impress the boss. I remember thinking that my belly had never, ever, felt so full, I had simply never eaten so much at one time. I congratulated myself on my genius for gorging on those cheap Sloppy Joes.


I didn't gloat for long.


When I was south of San Diego, just getting ready to make my northern turn, those danged Sloppy Joes exploded in my gut like an a**-grenade. My gut hurt so much I had to bend in half just to keep the cramping from killing me. The boss was asking me some kind of dumb a** question, but my ears were ringing from the severe pain, and I couldn't hear him, and a reporter started poking me with his finger when he realized I had turned southeast, away from our route, as I made a bingo for Brown Field (appropriately named for those circumstances).



I got into the downwind, but just my luck, some moron in a Bonanza was flying a typical moron B-52 pattern, but was just enough ahead of me to keep me number two (there is a tower there). I couldn't whip around to the other side of the pattern since that was the Mexico side of the border.


By now, my head is pumping out sweat like a squeezed sponge, and the reporters are trying to entertain the boss and distract him from the gig, and the pain was so bad I thought I was going to puke. I rolled my ass from side to side, trying to squeak out gas to relieve pressure, but the farts were wet and increasingly foul-smelling. My boxers became glued to my butt cheeks from moisture lock.



The boss had headphones and I didn't want to declare anything alarming, but that Bonanza was gonna make me sh!t myself.



I finally piped up to tower, "I'd like sequence in front of the Bonanza."


Tower asked if anything was wrong. So I cryptically said "I ate at Rally's."



That's all it took. They had the dipsh!t in the Bonanza extend, I did a short approach from mid-downwind, tower acting as ground cleared me all the way to the building where the lav is, and I scurried away to do my business, hitting the toilet before the prop stopped turning.



The thunder, oh, the thunder, from that horrific gut-squirt was wretched and the porcelein riccochet painted everything within a one-meter blast radius with a viscous coating of diseased, black colon-slime. I needed a friggen' biohazard shower after that episode, but had to do my best, finally sacrificing my socks for the cause. Back to the aircraft I went, and we resumed the mission.
[/quote}
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline ZAIZAI

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Re: Bad Flight Planning
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2010, 12:23:22 PM »
Hmmm, had a similar incident after a quick burger lunch I got roped into do an impromptu 8-way formation with some other people at the drop zone, I was the only JM available and they where not comfortable to do their own spotting as it was not their "home DZ".

I didn't mind doing an 8-way, we dirtdived, got geared up and got into the plane. Already at 1000 ft I realised that the raw onions in the burger had been a bad idea, at 2000 ft the guy next to me was starting to complain about some strange smell from the heater  ::whistle::. It got worse from there on end, when the pilot turned around to see what the heck was going on in the back, I was doubled over in gut wrenching pains and just told the pilot to do a short downwind final over the DZ and I got off. Shortest canopy ride in my life, I landed in the 20*30 foot lawn in front of the club house and got out of the jump suit and gear before the canopy hit the ground. Some of the Tandem folks where apparently impressed, as well as the oldies competing in precision landings...I can't say I cared at the time.

Got a really stern talking too by the Chief Instructor;
1. Landing on the clubhouse lawn is a big no-no, especially with all the Wuffos and tandem students with hang-arounds milling around, one case of beer!
2. Landing well inside the beerline, another case of beer.
3. Abandoning your visiting jumpers in the plane (who incidental couldn't spot what so ever and landed in the next postal code), another case of beer.
4. Leaving my gear on the lawn in a bit of a state, where people might trip over the lines and the sun hammering away at the nylon while I "was away", being a rigger I should know better, another case of beer.
5. Low pull, close to 2500 feet, fined another one case of beer.
6. Hookturning the canopy over the woods, one last case of beer

After explaining the situation I got away with only paying for one case of beer, he never talked about grounding me for the weekend thoug ???.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2010, 04:30:12 PM by ZAIZAI »
...Lurker...
I don't need an engine and a prop for my Skyarrow anymore...but I do need a testpilot for it. Chuck wanna step up?...on second thought, perhaps not.

Offline Mike

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Re: Bad Flight Planning
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2010, 06:14:16 PM »
HA HA! those are great stories!

Roosters part about landing at "Brown Field" and getting sequenced as "Number 2" just adds to the effect!  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: what a classic.
And I think having to jump out of an airplane first before you can do you business gotta be THE worst spot to realize you gotta go.

We should make a book out of those stories!
Makes me glad I am flying helicopters  ;) ;D

Had one guy in the back once who just started talking things like "maybe I shouldn't have had all those doughnuts and coffee this morning" then got to "yup, that was not a good idea", went to "I think I can make it" and ended up at "LAND!!! LAND!!! LAND RIGHT NOW!!"
so we did, but we were already on final for the helibase. It probably looked like I mismanaged my approach and fell a half a mile short.
The helibase got worried we lost the engine or something and it took some explaining but like the tower at Brown, they all understood what happened.......


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Offline Ragwing

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Re: Bad Flight Planning
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2010, 03:29:48 AM »
Makes me glad I am flying helicopters  ;)
Mike,

We skydivers hijacked any helicopter that landed in the area.
We all put our feet on the skids and hung on to anything.
Especially loved the straight up to 5,000 feet.

Then we all let go at the same time..... (well at least my side let go, the other side was always off a second or two).

The heli pilot had no choice with all the skydivers hanging on.... Their only choice was up or we beat on the sides.

Offline Mike

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Re: Bad Flight Planning
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2010, 06:12:07 AM »
Makes me glad I am flying helicopters  ;)
Mike,

We skydivers hijacked any helicopter that landed in the area.
We all put our feet on the skids and hung on to anything.
Especially loved the straight up to 5,000 feet.

Then we all let go at the same time..... (well at least my side let go, the other side was always off a second or two).

The heli pilot had no choice with all the skydivers hanging on.... Their only choice was up or we beat on the sides.

been there, my friend!

my favorite part of this whole job was the rule they had about giving the girls an extra 1000ft for every time they flashed you!!!
 :P ;D

sometimes . . . . I really LOVE my job!!    ::angel:: ;D


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Offline Ragwing

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Re: Bad Flight Planning
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2010, 07:29:43 AM »
my favorite part of this whole job was the rule they had about giving the girls an extra 1000ft for every time they flashed you!!!
 :P ;D

sometimes . . . . I really LOVE my job!!    ::angel:: ;D
Blast it, >:(
That was after my time........ ::complaining:

No wonder you polish your windows so often......

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Bad Flight Planning
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2010, 07:52:51 PM »
Personal Story:

Back when I managed a PC-12 for a produce company, I had the pleasure of doing my usual flight from NorCal to SoCal with a full load of field supervisors and mechanics.  Well the mechanic who was sitting in the right seat of the cockpit had apparently gone to "El Scorcho" for lunch for their version of the "Montezuma Thermonuclear Chili Burrito."  (I love that line, Mike and Stef!).  Well he didn't have a blowout, but once we got up to altitude his system was venting the most foul-smelling phosphene I have EVER endured!  The stench coming out of this guy proved to be such a distraction I couldn't handle it anymore, and I put on my oxygen mask and went to 100% for the rest of the flight.  This got the mechanic to giggling, and he took out his brand-new digital camera and took a few pics of me.   ::complaining:

Now in a PC-12 the cabin pressurization outflow valves are directly underneath the cockpit, so none of this stench is making its way back into the cabin.  The other passengers in the back cannot smell a thing but they are becoming alarmed because I am on O2 at 27,000 feet and they start yelling at me what the problem was.  I took off my mask and yelled "Whatever you fed your top mechanic for lunch is the problem!  Come on up here and find out!"  No one came forward (apparently the mechanic's nickname was "Stinky" for a reason), but they certainly had a good laugh at my expense.  Many jokes were passed back and forth en Espaniol until we landed.

RC
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall