Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1384183 times)

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #705 on: December 29, 2006, 11:10:08 PM »

Airplanes can be turned off when you don't wish to fly.
An airplane doesn't "let down" before it's time.
With an airplane, size matters.
Airplanes can be overhauled when the engine sputters.
Airplanes don't come with drinking buddies.
Airplanes eventually stop whining.
Airplanes know what a final approach is.
Airplanes don't mind if you position and hold.
In an airplane a soft field landing isn't a disappointment.
Airplanes don't mind if you'd rather just cuddle.

 ::rofl:: ::) :o :D ;D :) ;) ;D
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #706 on: December 29, 2006, 11:14:37 PM »
Top Ten Signs that You're an Aviation Addict

10. You speed dial ATIS
9.  You whine and fret on every nice day that you're not up in the
    air (instrument students and pilots add low cloudy days)
8.  You whine and fret every day that the wx is too bad for flying
7.  You get DUATS or a wx briefing on days you can't fly, just to
    see if the wx is really as nice for flying as it looks
6.  You get DUATS or a wx briefing on days with awful wx, just to
    assure yourself that the wx really would be too bad to fly
5.  You learn mental methods for flight planning, and spend boring
    meetings planning flying trips
4.  You calculate every expenditure in terms of flight hours (50
    cents at the candy machine every day that's 0.01 flight hours!
3. Your girlfriend is made of aluminum and her name starts with an 'N'.
2. You get in your car and find that it drives itself the the airport.
1. You become an instructor so you can be paid to go for airplane rides!
« Last Edit: December 30, 2006, 08:31:56 AM by happylanding »
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #707 on: December 29, 2006, 11:28:39 PM »
Rules that Guys Wished Girls Knew.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.
46. What the hell is a doily?

I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #708 on: December 30, 2006, 12:19:00 AM »
Rules that Guys Wished Girls Knew.





HEAR HEAR!!! (Thunderous applause). See why can't more girls be like you?!?!?!
« Last Edit: December 30, 2006, 01:51:18 AM by FlyboyGil »
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #709 on: December 30, 2006, 01:28:14 AM »
Top Ten Signs that You're an Aviation Addict

13. You become an instructor so you can be paid to go for airplane rides!

GUILTY!!!!!!!!!!!

TM
"Do not read this signature under penalty of law."

Offline FlyboyGil

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IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline chuckar101

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #711 on: December 30, 2006, 05:32:23 AM »
I agree with flyboy on what girls should know.  Hell there should be a class somewhere that teaches that.  Would make life so much easier ::angel::.
WOW I did that!

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #712 on: December 30, 2006, 08:35:11 AM »
HEAR HEAR!!! (Thunderous applause). See why can't more girls be like you?!?!?!

Haha! they just did not receive that kind of education! :) I will - by the way - forward the message, so that more would know!  ::rofl:: ::rofl::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #713 on: December 30, 2006, 09:59:25 AM »
what's muave?

"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #714 on: December 30, 2006, 10:30:14 AM »
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
LOL that argument kind of backfires doesn't it?  ::rofl::
I must say that I agree with a great Hagar the Horrible comic strip:
Hagar at the bar: Women are a mystery.
The patron next to Hagar stands up and with a goofy smile exclaims: I like mysteries! ;D

LOL too at the Car of the Future catroon, I especially thought the boldly looking feminine car was great, and it's introduction  ::rofl::

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #715 on: December 30, 2006, 12:02:08 PM »
what's muave?



Actually I cannot answer what mauve is. See rule 38.  ::angel:: ::angel::

But, jokes apart, even if I had to reply seriously, I would not have a specific idea. I also see 16 colours, the tones among them, I call them the same way as the basic. So, I’ve no idea about what mahogany is, and neither amaranth and mauve, and peach, I still think you need a PhD in that field to sort them out. No wonders that once I went to the hairdresser and told him the colour I thought was the one I wanted and I came out with another one. When I told him it was not the one I had searched for, he looked for the echantillons and when I pointed the one I had thought about, he said: “well, but that was not blonde grain, it was blond honey!”. Ohhh. Echk.  ::unbelieveable::  Never thought that honey could be a colour too. ::banghead::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #716 on: December 30, 2006, 12:03:40 PM »
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
LOL that argument kind of backfires doesn't it?  ::rofl::

Really good observation Frank!
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #717 on: December 30, 2006, 03:44:58 PM »
HEAR HEAR!!! (Thunderous applause). See why can't more girls be like you?!?!?!

Haha! they just did not receive that kind of education! :) I will - by the way - forward the message, so that more would know!  ::rofl:: ::rofl::

I put it on my MYSPACE page, and forwarded it!!
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Zaffex

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #718 on: December 30, 2006, 06:55:39 PM »
What Chuck says to Julio:

"The difference between you and me is that you see the gas tank as half-empty, but I see the gas tank as half-full!"
"You know you're a redneck pilot when you think avgas makes a good cologne."

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #719 on: December 30, 2006, 10:28:12 PM »
You know you are a pilot when..............

1. You turn on your car radio and expect to hear the ATIS.
2. Before you start your car, you reach for your checklist.
3. When you start going downhill in your car, you check the dash for the Attitude Indicator.
4. When the road is long and straight, you are tempted to drive the centerline.
5. When your normal talking voice starts sounding like an air traffic controller.
6. When you start looking for the lean knob on your car's instrument panel.
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.