Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1403450 times)

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #510 on: August 09, 2006, 04:22:27 PM »
 A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
 
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #511 on: August 09, 2006, 04:23:11 PM »
 Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his @ss.
 
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #512 on: August 09, 2006, 04:23:45 PM »
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #513 on: August 09, 2006, 05:08:48 PM »
[quote author=plthijnx link=topic=20.msg6160#msg6160 date=1155140625

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

Quote
And I thought I was the only one doing that............................................. :D

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #514 on: August 11, 2006, 11:11:42 AM »
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #515 on: August 14, 2006, 08:57:10 PM »
Not sure if this was posted before or not....

It's in German, but you definitely don't need to know German to know what's going on!

Welcome to Airline Racing!   ;D ;D

http://www.alexisparkinn.com/photogallery/Videos/2006-2-21_Digital_Airline_Racers.wmv
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #516 on: August 18, 2006, 09:11:23 PM »
Quote
A.D.D. combined with C.R.S.   what a combination!!

Mike, didn't you know all pilots have ADD?  We can't focus on anything for more than 5 minutes without thinking about planes and flying! ;)

Phil

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #517 on: August 19, 2006, 04:42:24 PM »
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, 'What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?'
'Well...' said the director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor, with a chuckle. 'A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup. Right?'
'Noooooooo!' answered the director. 'A normal person would pull the plug.'
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #518 on: August 19, 2006, 09:58:41 PM »
A man is stopped by a policeman for high speed. As soon as the policeman tells the man he has to retire the driving license, the man tries to convince the other not to. The officer then says: “okay, I won’t retire you the driving license if you reply to this question: you’re driving in the night and you see two lights coming in your opposite direction. What is that?”. The driver easily answers “well, it’s a car”. The officer says in an ironic way “ohhhhhhh nononononono, I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your license, since it could be a camion, a car, two bikes, a bus…”. Then the man says: “okay, that’s right. You’re right: but I will give you the licence, if you answer to an easy question. You’re driving at night and you see a women dressed in a scandalous way, who stops clients on the road. Who is she?”. The officer replies: “oh, incredibly easy. She’s a bitch”.the driver then replies: “Excuse me officer, but you’re wrong: it could be your mother, your wife, your sister……”.
 :)  :) :)

Nite nite Mates!
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #519 on: August 20, 2006, 02:11:51 PM »
Oh man, it's sure one heck of a collection of jokes there are here  |:)\

Greetings
Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #520 on: August 22, 2006, 01:12:04 PM »
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue,
gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen
seconds.
 
The man went back to his reading.
 
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped
her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
 
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still
curious about the shuddering.
 
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As
before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever
more than before.
 
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and
said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times,
wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
 
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
 
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have
never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything
for it?"
 
The woman nodded, "Pepper".

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #521 on: August 22, 2006, 02:54:45 PM »
A pilot who wasn't the top of his class is on approach to an airport.... he's making the radio calls with the tower and the following ensues.....

Tower: "Cessna 1234; I don't have a visual on you and your transponder doesn't seem to be picking up here.  Do you have the runway in sight?"

Cessna 1234: "Affirmative, tower!  You're right in front of me!  You don't see me on approach?"

Tower: "Negative visual contact with you Cessna 1234.  Are you certain  you are on approach here to this airport, or are you lost?"

Cessna 1234: "I'm definitely on approach to the right airport, tower.  I recognize all the buildings and everything!  Am I clear to land?"

Tower: "Cessna 1234, I don't have you in sight for some reason, but there is nobody else around, so if you see the runway and can make it in okay, you are cleared to land.  Please call the tower after landing."

Cessna 1234: "Roger that, tower!  Thanks!"

A few moments later... the mains touch... the pilot has the power all the way out, full flaps down, maximum braking and aerobraking.... finally getting the plane stopped just before the runway surface ends!!  Sweating, tires and brakes hot and practically smoking, the pilot, shaken finally hears the radio come alive again.....

Tower: "Cessna 1234, are you OKAY?!!!"

Cessna 1234: "Roger that, tower!  This runway sure is short.... but I've never seen one as wide as this one!!!!"

Tower: "Chuck???    Is THAT you?!"
« Last Edit: August 22, 2006, 02:56:30 PM by Ted_Stryker »
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #522 on: August 24, 2006, 09:38:09 PM »
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
 
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have
never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything
for it?"
 
The woman nodded, "Pepper".

OHMYGOD! it's quite sure that it is a rare medical condition that every woman would like to have!!!!!!  :D :D :D
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #523 on: August 24, 2006, 10:08:19 PM »
*ahem* need some pepper there do ya happy? ;D ::) ;D
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #524 on: August 24, 2006, 10:14:48 PM »
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine on #1, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.

"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee back up to the Men's Tee, please!!"

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement--"Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S Tee kindly back up to the Men's Tee."

I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?!"
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown