Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1383329 times)

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2145 on: June 28, 2009, 04:05:20 AM »
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the Presidentís health care proposals:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves..

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the 'end', the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a-holes in Washington .
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2146 on: June 28, 2009, 04:48:15 AM »
The most unusual alarm clock I've seen
whoa! sorry about that guys! guess i better check my system at home. it's my roommates computer and the knucklehead doesn't have virus software  ::loony::



[deleted link]
« Last Edit: June 28, 2009, 02:41:57 PM by plthijnx »
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2147 on: June 28, 2009, 05:04:28 AM »
The most unusual alarm clock I've seen
http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=14456

DO NOT OPEN THE LINK

It locked up my computer and tried to install a virus
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2148 on: June 28, 2009, 06:27:20 AM »
DO NOT OPEN THE LINK
It locked up my computer and tried to install a virus

 >:(        Listen to the G!!

I already had opened this and I have NO idea what is going on with the computer now, but things are AFU........ 

Though I wish I could get an alarm clock JUST like that one....    ::whistle::

 :(

Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2149 on: June 28, 2009, 07:14:17 AM »
I already had opened this and I have NO idea what is going on with the computer now, but things are AFU........ 

Basically it installed a "system checker" that when you close comes up with a box that says "Confirm you are closing this progam and sending your credit card info"...etc

Use AVG and system restore and it will get rid of it. My system is now OK.
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2150 on: June 28, 2009, 02:43:15 PM »
a thousand apologies, gents!
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline BrianGMFS

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2151 on: June 28, 2009, 10:30:09 PM »
If you find a link that has an embedded Youtube video, click the video so it pops up the actual video on Youtube. then you can be fairly certain that no nasties will pop up.

I'm guessing it was a transient google ad that tried to upload something. I clicked the link and didn't have any problem.

Brian

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"Take my love, take my land. Take me where I cannot stand. Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me."

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2152 on: June 29, 2009, 01:39:05 AM »
Thanks for the tip...  it didn't do that weird thing like it did to G-Man, but things just locked up...  over and over. 

It seems to be okay now, so no big deal..  and it also jogged me to download a newer version of AVG, so it was a productive evening after all!    ;D

 8)

 :)

P.S..  I really do wish I could find an alarm clock set-up like that guy has.....  I can sleep through most anything.  I never knew that the train ran right outside our hotel rooms in BAM until the jumpers complained about it waking them up every night...  of course I said, "WHAT train??" and never did live it down....

Not to mention the day a certain helicopter landed near the Minivan and I could have sworn he was in 'Quiet Stealth' mode....  as I snored away in my airplane......   ::loony::

 ::rofl::

« Last Edit: June 29, 2009, 01:42:50 AM by TheSoccerMom »
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2153 on: June 29, 2009, 11:09:26 PM »
Yeah, Soccermom sleeps pretty deep. . .

. . . but let this be a warning to all of you guys if you end up working with her: DO NOT WAKE HER UP ! ! ! unless it's a fire!!

I've seen how she gets. It's not pretty!

(hey mom, can I tell them about the sign the jumpers made for you last year in Ely?!?  ;D )


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Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2154 on: June 29, 2009, 11:25:04 PM »
HAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Listen to the Coop Master, O gentlemen....  Never awaken the sleeping Mom....  unless it's a FIRE....    ::eek::

And yeah, that sign actually started WAY BACK before the jumpers even caught on....  but, since it fits the fire program SO PERFECTLY, I make sure it is in the a/c every contract start.    :D

It's apparently caught on because of my shy, timid, demure, passive, lilywhite, milquetoast nature....   ::)

Every morning it gets a whirl by the jumpers, to tell me what MOOD to be in for that particular day.  It sure freaked out that helicopter pilot from Minn. who spied it in the middle of the morning briefing in Ely, and thought I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THERE!!   All the blood drained out of his face...  HAAAAAA!!!!

It's in the Minivan as we speak, awaiting another year of dedicated duty.  Here she is:

Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2155 on: June 30, 2009, 05:48:01 AM »
Uh oh....  it just occurred to me....    ::banghead::

Did you mean the sign they put above the little cargo closet where I always slept on the floor?    ::banghead::

Sheesh, I just can't keep all the bullshit and insults straight...   ::angel::

 :D

 ;D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2156 on: June 30, 2009, 06:23:01 AM »
Uhhhmmm.....

After seeing the Weird-O-Meter, methinks I'll step extremely lightly around Ms S-Mom once I finally meet her in person!   ::eek::














...Crank up the Enola Gay!?!?!?  Wow!  Yer downright radioactive on some days, aren't ya?   :o
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Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2157 on: June 30, 2009, 02:53:57 PM »
That's the best one of the lot "Crank up the Enola Gay" lol  dig through my old army bumph and see how you rate along the Bikini warning chart S'Mom.
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2158 on: June 30, 2009, 04:50:48 PM »
No, no, guys, I guess you need the rest of the story to keep this in context!   

The "Enola Gay" line came from a crazy Navy helo pilot I knew.  He shared with us one night (while imbibing freely of many alcoholic items), the official "Ten Steps of Drunkenness".     ::whistle::

I still have the Ten Rules written on the same cardboard coaster that he autographed, somewhere at home, and I can't recall them all off the top of my head, but let's just say that I can't write them down here anyway because they're so obscene.    ::whistle::

BUT -- Step #10 was "CRANK UP THE ENOLA GAY, WE'RE GOIN' DOWNTOWN". 

And we laughed so hard that the barmaid just about had to call an ambulance....  and we've been using that line ever since.  Though, when I use it at the Nunnery, the sisters don't seem to get it, for some reason. 

And as for the METER....  well, that has hung in many a hangar, many a jump shack, many a government office, and yes, was even the centerpiece of one of the funniest goddamn FAA checkrides I've ever taken....  and that is just part of the story....

 ::whistle::                         ::whistle::                            ::whistle::                          ::whistle::                     ::whistle::

[Note:  If you don't have a sense of humor, this ain't the line of work you want to be in......]      ::drinking::
« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 04:54:36 PM by TheSoccerMom »
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline mtnman

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #2159 on: June 30, 2009, 05:26:41 PM »
For you southern fans, Lewis Grizzard has a version...he claims his was first...

clearly a non-navy version! ;)


Stages of Drunkeness
The Ten Stages of Drunkenss
according to Lewis Grizzard

Witty and charming (part 1)
This is after one or two drinks. The tongue is loosened and can yet remain in step with the brain. In the witty and charming stage one is likely to use foriegn idioms and phrases such as au contraire in place of "No way, Jose" or "Bull -sheyet"

Rich and famous
By the third drink, you begin mentioning that the little 380SL you've had your eye on down at the Mercedes place.

Benevolent
You'll buy her a mercedes, too. It's only money.

Just one more and We'll eat
a stall tactic

To hell with Dinner
Grizzard: Just one more and then we'll eat!

Patriotic
The war stories Begin

Warm up the Enola Gay
"We would have won in 'Nam, but..."

Invisible
So this is what the inside of of ladies room looks like

Witty and charming (part 2)
You know, you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

Bulletproof
Bull-sheyet, gimme them keys, I can drive.

Cryin' about your daddy drunk.
Grizzard:You don't need to be able to make a lot of sense when you reach CAYDD, nor is it necessary to be able to make sound intelligible to other forms of life.
sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday....see, there is no "someday"!