Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1411235 times)

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #240 on: April 05, 2006, 07:49:34 AM »
This one is a bit strange but I found it under aviation humour, I'm sure some have heard it before though.

Cancel IFR
Controller: "Cessna 266, descend and maintain 1,500, cleared for the approach, contact tower at the outer marker." Without realizing that his mike is still open he says, "Watch me kill this S.O.B."

Pilot: "CANCEL IFR! CANCEL IFR!"

-From Frank Ledgerwood in Talefeathers, the newsletter of EAA Chapter 268 in Marietta, GA.

Another Frank

P.S. I know what EAA is but is Chapter another word for region/local branch?

A chapter is a local group.  In my area, for instance, there are multiple chapters of the Missouri Pilot's Association.  Each is just another branch, or group location.
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #241 on: April 05, 2006, 09:22:47 AM »
Mike,
While you're in Arkansas, find out if it's true that you are still siblings even if you get divorced. ???

Good one, Jim!!
Have you been to Arkansas (pronounced here like "Ar-Kansas") before?

Turns out though that my PSD-manager (trainee) to-be is a very dear friend of mine, so I am actually looking forward to go now! (except the "dry county" part...) ;)
YEP, Ah spent sum tam ther wif a cussin at a place called 'Buttville' (or something like that) awile back an we was married but since ah wuz leven yars old grampa made us git deevorced!  That's why I axed yu to find out if she's still my cussin!
Don't worry about the dry counties, take a bottle of your favorite hooch and share it with a local---they'll tell you where to get more but if you do get any real "corn likker" be careful, the stuff will remove your stomach lining!
Seriously though, you'll find some really nice people, just don't be kidding around and call somebody a 'SB'---they take that literally as an affront to their mother.

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #242 on: April 09, 2006, 08:01:31 AM »
There's an interesting similarity between ATC controllers and pilots;

If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies.  :-[

If the ATC controller screws up , the pilot dies.   >:(

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #243 on: April 09, 2006, 03:25:00 PM »
Went to see Ron White ("I had the right to remain silent--------------------------------------But not the ability!")

Funny stuff but raunchy----Anybody else seen this Guy?

He's actually funnier on TV because they clean up the language.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2006, 03:30:01 PM by fireflyr »

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #244 on: April 09, 2006, 03:46:14 PM »
Only seen him on TV.  I think he's a lot funnier than Larry the Cable Guy.  "Git 'er done" got really, really, really, really old.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #245 on: April 09, 2006, 04:32:13 PM »
Ron is HILARIOUS! if you have bear share, download "blue collar.avi" it's got some repeat material but it's awesome!

edit: oh and Gulf, they make fun of Larry a few times......
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #246 on: April 09, 2006, 05:09:54 PM »
Regarding the ATC then the ATC can also get killed by the surviving familymembers, like a danish ATC that was in the tower at a big disaster in Italy a few years ago I think, a man who lost his wife and children shot the ATC in front of his wife and children as revenge. I'm not quite sure if the ATC was responsible or not so I won't comment on that.

Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and Jeff Foxworthy have been touring as the Blue Collar Comedy Group (or was it Team?). I think they are all funny in their way, like when they had a singing number "I Believe" with Larry on the guitar making some really funny chords and Bill, or Jeff, asked: How old are you? When's your birthday? February 17th. No what year? Every year! ROFL

Now here's a joke that I guarantee you've never heard before, of course I'm not sure how funny you find it though.
In a physics class-room in high-school there was intermission between the two planned hours and two students were talking to each other about a group-project they had. The boy had optional classes so he didn't have the free hour in the school-period that the girl of the team wanted to use for the test.
She said she'd share the results but the boy wanted to participate as not to feel like a thief getting credit so they argumented back and fourth (not in an angry tone but noticeable) then suddently the teacher that was also spending the break at the desk right infront of the two students leaned over and calmly asked: Excuse me but how long have you two been married? Most of the class was also in the room and they all almost fell off their seats of laughter.

I know you've never heard this before because it was a true situation that happend a few years ago and in case you haven't guessed it then I was the boy talking to the girl. It was about the loudest class laughter-session in the three years I went there I can remember so I guess it was funny, most of us were 18-22, I was 19/20 I think, it was a few months before my dad died if I remember correctly. Actually there was a third member of the team that also didn't have the optional classes but he wasn't in the room at the time and it would've made the story too confusing and it wasn't really relevant to the point anyway. The teacher btw was a susbstitute that was from Italy where he'd studied for 20 years in a university but he had a danish wife and spoke pretty good danish too and was calm and friendly. The other italian I've met was two years before when I got a brush up on 10th grade studies to be better abled to get into the student-courses and he was a musician and writer and he was more smiling and lively but also friendly and married to a danish woman.

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Plthijnx

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #247 on: April 09, 2006, 05:15:07 PM »
that's pretty funny frank!


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #248 on: April 10, 2006, 01:48:42 AM »
Went to see Ron White ("I had the right to remain silent--------------------------------------But not the ability!")

Funny stuff but raunchy----Anybody else seen this Guy?

He's actually funnier on TV because they clean up the language.


Ron White is one of the best comedians out there as far as I am concerned.
Do you know his routine about where he flies in this little plane and they lose oil pressure?
I almost peed myself the first time I heard it!!


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #249 on: April 10, 2006, 02:27:49 AM »
Went to see Ron White ("I had the right to remain silent--------------------------------------But not the ability!")

Funny stuff but raunchy----Anybody else seen this Guy?

He's actually funnier on TV because they clean up the language.


Ron White is one of the best comedians out there as far as I am concerned.
Do you know his routine about where he flies in this little plane and they lose oil pressure?
I almost peed myself the first time I heard it!!
Whatya mean "almost peed myself"  hell, you had done that the first time I met you, and that was just a long fuel cycle!!!!

Realistically, I love Ron White's routines on TV and don't think I'm a prude, I'm not,  (Mike, I'm sure, will testify to that) but his live act is so filthy that I feel my 90 bucks was wasted on a foul mouth jerk.
I don't feel this public forum is the appropriate place to itemize the offensive behavior this jerk presented onstage last night but I'm certainly within my rights to feel disgruntled,   My dissapointment is personal and you all are free to enjoy whatever spins your cranlshaft!   Remember, opinions are like anuses, and everyone has one. ;D

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #250 on: April 10, 2006, 03:47:03 PM »
A policeman stops a carload of nuns along the highway.... as he approaches the car, he sees them all cowering and shaking except for the driver... a nice looking, blue haired nun.

"I'm sorry for stopping you sister, but you were going way too slow for the conditions here.  You were only going 40 miles per hour!" the officer said.

"I forgive you for stopping me, dear." She says.  "But as you can see, the signs clearly say the speed limit is 40.  I just started driving, so I know the rules."

The officer looks around and sees the speed limit sign stating 65MPH.

"I don't know how to tell you this ma'am, but I think you have things a little turned around.  Those signs are the highway number signs... this is highway 40!" the officer tells her

"You mean it's not highway 65?" she asks

"No ma'am.  Uhm... you don't mind my asking why all the other sisters in the car with you are shaking, do you?" he asks

One of the other nuns speaks up..."Officer... we just got off of Highway 115!"

 ;D
We're going to have to come in pretty low! It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land! -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #251 on: April 10, 2006, 08:19:41 PM »
Well comedy differs from people to people so if you don't like the words he use then sadly for you he just isn't funny, but maybe you can find a more sanitized version of his act if you don't mind him but prefer to have less than 50% of all words be foulmouthed. Hope you find something better and don't loose more money.

About the airplane joke then yes I heard it, using the intercom when he could've just turned around since it was a small plane and not a jetliner.

Another joke of a similar note was from another male comic whose name I can't remember but he was flown in on the helicopter of that multibillionaire businessman that also offered a job in the tv-show, it was for a show in LV and the pilot of this 6 seat heliopcoter said he was now switching off the fasten seatbelt sign leaving us to get up and move around the plane, I can just imagine that in a Bell 230 or Sikorsky S76 or similar. get up and walk around LOL, especially remembering the joke about the heavy fireman that moved in the helicopter and made it rock so you thought something was very wrong. Btw the comic called the pilot: Race Bannon, who's that? The pilot from Johnny Quest cartoons? (I'm guessing since I've only seen a few episodes of the new version made and otherwise just heard of it being a classic).

And yet another one about small aircraft. Yet another male comic was flying a small plane and the pilot was asking people about their weight and the lady in front of the comic said she was 120 lbs, and he thought: Yeah your rear-end is 120 (I subsititued the word since it wasn't crucial to the joke but it might offend someone or at least be thought of as redundant for the joke), now I gotta say I'm like 380 here, if you wanna fool your boyfriend that's one thing but don't fool the pilot! (again substituted words just in case). I thought that was hilarous and he's right as I'm sure you'll agree that one shouldn't give the wrong weight in that situation.

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

Offline Inept

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #252 on: April 10, 2006, 10:55:31 PM »
Another one involving a small plane comes from Jeff Foxworthy (I think...)...

He was flying in a small single engine plane out of a small airport to get to his show.   He calls his wife and says "yuou would not believe what just happened... the plane hit a deer!"

His wife says "oh my god... were you on the ground?!"



don't we all just hate those random deer enounters at 4000 ft?

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #253 on: April 11, 2006, 02:55:39 AM »
hehehe. That was Bill Engvall. "Here's your sign..."
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Inept

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #254 on: April 11, 2006, 03:28:32 AM »
oops.... thanks for the correction, Gulfstream.