Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1384143 times)

Offline madpilot44

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1770 on: May 03, 2008, 09:14:50 AM »

Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about the Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education. A nice, big state college or the Naval Academy would be a much better choice.

Hunter Mills,

Major USAF


Aw, come on! now you tell me!!!

However, unfortunately it is true...
To most people, the sky is the limit. To those who love aviation, the sky is home.

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1771 on: May 03, 2008, 03:50:17 PM »
guys, check this out!

Elmo towards the end is AWESOME!!   ::rofl:: ::rofl::

*warning, includes censored material*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DDcUsKbmVY&NR=1


I'm shocked,stunned and upset that Elmo could use such language. My world has come to an end. i always thought it would of been big bird who could swear like a Regimental Sarn't Major  ::unbelieveable:: ::eek:: ::loony:: ::complaining:
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1772 on: May 03, 2008, 04:03:51 PM »
Imagine that, Elmo talking like that to a *#%*##g toddler, the son*&%#*# should be shot with a ball of S#*t for being a f*#*@*# foulmouth ::unbelieveable::

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1773 on: May 05, 2008, 04:57:06 AM »


Two redneck farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education.

Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for
some classes.'
Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math,
English, history, and Logic.

'Logic?' Jim says. 'What's that?'

The Dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that
you would have a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house.'

And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family.'

'Yes, I have a family.'

I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must
be a heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is
signed up for Math , English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Bob says, 'What's that?'

Jim says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'

'No.'

'Then you're a queer.






Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1774 on: May 05, 2008, 08:08:23 PM »
STRANGE BREW: BUSINESSMAN COMBINES AVIATION, BEER MAKING
Sometimes things in life come together in mysterious ways. Ben Cook of Redlands, Calif., managed to capitalize on flying and beer drinking, two typically incompatible endeavors, at least when done less than eight hours apart. Lately he's been working ridiculous hours, toiling away in a warehouse building near Redlands Municipal Airport. With all the plumbing, chemicals, and strange noises emanating from the 4,640-square-foot facility, you'd think he was building a spacecraft. Instead, welcome to the Hangar 24 Craft Brewery. Read more on AOPA Online.


A brewery at an airport??!?
Can this be?!
sounds too good to be true.....

http://www.hangar24brewery.com/


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1775 on: May 05, 2008, 08:10:07 PM »
STRANGE BREW: BUSINESSMAN COMBINES AVIATION, BEER MAKING
Sometimes things in life come together in mysterious ways. Ben Cook of Redlands, Calif., managed to capitalize on flying and beer drinking, two typically incompatible endeavors, at least when done less than eight hours apart. Lately he's been working ridiculous hours, toiling away in a warehouse building near Redlands Municipal Airport. With all the plumbing, chemicals, and strange noises emanating from the 4,640-square-foot facility, you'd think he was building a spacecraft. Instead, welcome to the Hangar 24 Craft Brewery. Read more on AOPA Online.


A brewery at an airport??!?
Can this be?!
sounds too good to be true.....

http://www.hangar24brewery.com/

I wonder if he has a daughter.. ::whistle:: ::whistle:: Just to make life complete ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1776 on: May 05, 2008, 09:39:33 PM »
Hey, John McCain is married to an heiress of a Beer Distributorship.  Vote for JMcC and get more Free Beer!   ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking::

Works for me...   ::whistle:: ::whistle:: ::whistle::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1777 on: May 05, 2008, 10:05:20 PM »
Reintarnation: definition
Coming back to life as a hillbilly 
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1778 on: May 06, 2008, 02:33:26 AM »
Hey, John McCain is married to an heiress of a Beer Distributorship.  Vote for JMcC and get more Free Beer!   ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking::

Works for me...   ::whistle:: ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Well let's see, the Democrats are trying to figure out which "do nothing lawyer" to finally put on the ballot while the Republicans have a genuine war hero who's married to a beautiful woman with large boobs who OWNS a beer distributorship----I call that divine intervention--- ::bow:: I'm afraid the choice was made for me...........

Offline gibbo_335

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1779 on: May 06, 2008, 05:15:33 AM »
STRANGE BREW: BUSINESSMAN COMBINES AVIATION, BEER MAKING
Sometimes things in life come together in mysterious ways. Ben Cook of Redlands, Calif., managed to capitalize on flying and beer drinking, two typically incompatible endeavors, at least when done less than eight hours apart. Lately he's been working ridiculous hours, toiling away in a warehouse building near Redlands Municipal Airport. With all the plumbing, chemicals, and strange noises emanating from the 4,640-square-foot facility, you'd think he was building a spacecraft. Instead, welcome to the Hangar 24 Craft Brewery. Read more on AOPA Online.


A brewery at an airport??!?
Can this be?!
sounds too good to be true.....

http://www.hangar24brewery.com/

WELL....looks like I have to add another place that I MUST see and  ::drinking:: at before I die  ;D ;D ;D ;D
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1780 on: May 07, 2008, 12:40:39 AM »
Reintarnation: definition
Coming back to life as a hillbilly 

Ah Resemble that remark!   >:D
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1781 on: May 07, 2008, 04:00:06 PM »
NOW I GET IT!!!--- :D

> I became confused when I heard these terms which reference the word 'service'.
>
> Internal Revenue 'Service'
> U.S. Postal 'Service'
> Telephone 'Service'
> T.V. 'Service'
> Civil 'Service'
> City & County Public 'Service'
> Customer 'Service'
>
> This is not what I thought 'service' meant.  But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!!  Then it all came into perspective. I now understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.
>
> I hope you are as enlightened as I am.
>
>
>

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1782 on: May 09, 2008, 12:01:19 AM »
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said,
"I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." 

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

She thought about it for a moment
and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1783 on: May 09, 2008, 12:01:45 AM »
The car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk and she takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

 
Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

 
It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?"

 
"My car broke down, officer" says the woman calmly

 
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?" he asks.

 
"Helllooooooo!!!!" says the blonde. "Those are my emergency flashers!"
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1784 on: May 13, 2008, 02:34:03 AM »
WHY SENTENCE STRUCTURE IS IMPORTANT

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like sh*t."

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........