Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1383254 times)

Offline G-man

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Airplane Pilot Saved by Helicopter Pilot
« Reply #1710 on: April 02, 2008, 06:19:09 PM »
Helicopter Pilot Saves Life of Airplane Pilot in a Horse-Back Riding Mishap

An airplane pilot with the USFS narrowly escaped serious injury recently when he attempted horseback riding with no prior experience. He mounted the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately began moving. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the pilot began to slip sideways from the saddle.

Although attempting to grab for the horse's mane he could not get a firm grip. He then threw his arms around the horse's neck but continued to slide down the side of the horse. The horse galloped along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing his grip, the pilot attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. His foot became entangled in the stirrup, and he was at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head and upper body repeatedly struck the ground.

Moments away from unconsciousness and probable death, to his great fortune a Helicopter pilot, shopping at Wal-Mart, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse!  ::whistle:: ::whistle::
« Last Edit: April 02, 2008, 07:28:36 PM by G-man »
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1711 on: April 02, 2008, 06:57:52 PM »
 ::bow::

Oh thank HEAVENS a Helicopter God came by in time!!!   ::bow::   

(I bet that FS guy asked for his quarter back......   ::whistle:: )

 :D 

Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1712 on: April 02, 2008, 07:26:39 PM »
 ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::Nice G-man.
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1713 on: April 02, 2008, 09:42:56 PM »
I wish I could say that this is a joke, but it's not..  more a case of how badly I apparently need a HEARING AID.  (HUNHH??)   ::loony::

So, last night the Old Mom was surfing around the Coop, cluck cluck cluck, and had the TV on in the background.  A commercial for a new heartburn drug came on, and like they do, it went on and ON about all the side effects, etc.  The name of the new drug is "Aciphex".

I was so busy reading, it took a while for it to sink in, but suddenly I realized I was listening to some new Miracle Drug for ASS EFFECTS, and I could NOT believe it....  I actually whipped around, stared at the TV and thought "My GOD, who on earth would think of a drug for ASS EFFECTS?!??!?"

 :-[  Boy was I embarrassed when the name of the pill came on the screen....

Guess I need a hearing aid.....    ::banghead::

 

Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline PiperGirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1714 on: April 03, 2008, 12:33:10 PM »
A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America :

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except California, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

2. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

3. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'honour' and 'neighbour.'
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be eliminated.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

4. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

5. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

6. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

7. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen
Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macd owell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having
one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans
and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent ( i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen.
 ::cowboy::  ::cowboy::  ::cowboy::
No guilt in life, no fear in death /This is the power of Christ in me /From life’s first cry to final breath /Jesus commands my destiny~ Newsboys "In Christ Alone"

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1715 on: April 03, 2008, 02:53:43 PM »
HAHAHA---That's great!!!
I must say, the description of American "beer" is quite accurate ::rofl::

Offline Oddball

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1716 on: April 03, 2008, 03:04:45 PM »
yep here here   ::bow:: ::wave::  ::rofl:: heres to god, queen and country  |:)\ |:)\ now whares my cup of coffee?
"You can teach monkeys to fly better than that!"and "spring chicken to sh**e hawk in one easy lesson"

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1717 on: April 03, 2008, 04:18:56 PM »
yep here here   ::bow:: ::wave::  ::rofl:: heres to god, queen and country  |:)\ |:)\ now whares my cup of coffee?

And ya'll have a problem with the US spelling??
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline Fabo

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1718 on: April 03, 2008, 08:06:12 PM »
Good thing I am Slovak.
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1719 on: April 03, 2008, 11:43:59 PM »
What are they thinking?! ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony:: ::loony::
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1720 on: April 04, 2008, 01:04:41 AM »
Soooooooooooo--What's wrong with that? ??? Hell, if I'd be worried about a bunch of Nancyass rules I never would have gotten a refigerator into the middle of my hot tub ::loony::

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1721 on: April 04, 2008, 01:21:41 AM »
 ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: ::eek:: You have GOT to be kidding me!! Please tell me that's a joke photo and that there wasn't power running thrue that cord!! ::loony::

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
— Leonardo da Vinci

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1722 on: April 04, 2008, 01:32:32 AM »
Dont see anything wrong with that--do it all the time at my pad in FL..
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1723 on: April 04, 2008, 01:39:56 AM »
Dont see anything wrong with that--do it all the time at my pad in FL..
MONGO SAY, HE LIKE WAY GMAN THINK!  MONGO SAY WE BROTHERS!!!! ::drinking:: ::drinking::

Offline G-man

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1724 on: April 04, 2008, 01:58:50 AM »
Dont see anything wrong with that--do it all the time at my pad in FL..
MONGO SAY, HE LIKE WAY GMAN THINK!  MONGO SAY WE BROTHERS!!!! ::drinking:: ::drinking::

Come on by Mongo--have not been home since June last year--but here it is:

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........