Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1408860 times)

Offline Fabo

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 967
  • If flying is a drug,then I am a first class addict
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1605 on: February 21, 2008, 10:21:31 PM »
Subject: Rules of the West! 

  Rules of Idaho,Montana,Wyoming, South and North Dakota  and the Wild West are as follows:

  1.  Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

  2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

  3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust
on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

  4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money
to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 goes east and west, highway 95 goes
north and south. Pick one.

  5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines
that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

  6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.

 7.  If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves
are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better
hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

  8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and
caviar you can get them at the bait store on the corner.

  9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

  10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of
age.

  11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

 12.  When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh,
yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnaticall think, that stuff you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

 13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how
to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.

 16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
home for the holidays.

 17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than all
of you put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get whipped by
the best.

 18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers! Refer back to #1!

 A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others!!


Looks good though... how much real is it? ;D
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

Offline Rooster Cruiser

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1996
  • Retired Chicken Hauler
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1606 on: February 21, 2008, 10:26:07 PM »
It's all real, Fabo.   ;D ;D ;D  I lived in South Dakota for years, and this was all true, plus a few others.   ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking:: ::drinking::
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline tundra_flier

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 798
  • It's not an old plane, it's a classic!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1607 on: February 21, 2008, 11:13:02 PM »
Growing up in Wyoming...I'd have to say that pretty much most of it's true.

Phil

Offline Rooster Cruiser

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1996
  • Retired Chicken Hauler
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1608 on: February 22, 2008, 12:18:02 AM »
A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the
dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No,
because she is in heat.'

'What's that mean?' asked the child.

'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad,
may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I
asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to
come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag,
soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's
backside with it to disguise the scent, and said
'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and
only go one time round the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes
later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad
asked, 'Where's Belle?'

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about
halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing
her home.'
"Me and Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

airtac

  • Guest
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1609 on: February 22, 2008, 12:27:26 AM »
Gibbo why did you have to put that in about the 9v batteries---now I gotta try it to see what the deal is---kinda like "Mythbusters", I'll let you know what happens ::loony::

Offline gibbo_335

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1020
  • Flying the NT
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1610 on: February 22, 2008, 03:03:12 AM »
Gibbo why did you have to put that in about the 9v batteries---now I gotta try it to see what the deal is---kinda like "Mythbusters", I'll let you know what happens ::loony::

Sorry Airtac, didn't mean to upset you  ;) BUT i can tell you that I have tested 9v batteries "Mythbusters" style...and ...well...ummm...obviously I wasn't a statistic  ;D  BBZZZZTTTT ::rofl:: 
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline gibbo_335

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1020
  • Flying the NT
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1611 on: February 22, 2008, 03:05:32 AM »
Gibbo why did you have to put that in about the 9v batteries---now I gotta try it to see what the deal is---kinda like "Mythbusters", I'll let you know what happens ::loony::

Sorry Airtac, didn't mean to upset you  ;) BUT i can tell you that I have tested 9v batteries "Mythbusters" style on my tongue ...and ...well...ummm...obviously I wasn't an Aussie statistic  ;D  BBZZZZTTTT ::rofl:: 
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline gibbo_335

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1020
  • Flying the NT
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1612 on: February 22, 2008, 03:07:43 AM »
....and another.....

Dad at the mall:
     
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy  some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red,  orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.
 
The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild In your life?'
 
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

'Got drunk once had an affair with a peacock.  I was just wondering if you were my son.'   ;D
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

Offline gibbo_335

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1020
  • Flying the NT
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1613 on: February 22, 2008, 03:09:53 AM »
...just in..... ::rofl::
Would you remarry?

A husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?'

HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.'

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would? (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure. It's a great house.'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably. It is almost new.'

WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND: 'No. I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?'

HUSBAND: 'Yes. Those are always good times.'

WIFE: 'Would she use my clubs?'

HUSBAND: 'No. She's left-handed.'

WIFE: - silence -

HUSBAND: '. . . Oh Crap!!!!.'
YEWWWwwwwwwwww

airtac

  • Guest
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1614 on: February 22, 2008, 03:42:04 AM »
"left handed"  HAAHAA ::rofl::

Offline FlyboyGil

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1640
  • AW, CRAP!!!
    • MYSPACE!!!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1615 on: February 22, 2008, 08:56:23 PM »
 ;D ;D
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline G-man

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2047
  • Cogito sumere potum alterum.
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1616 on: February 22, 2008, 09:28:52 PM »
;D ;D

I raise you this restaurant in Lake City, FL--just up the road from the tanker base;

Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........

Offline FlyboyGil

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1640
  • AW, CRAP!!!
    • MYSPACE!!!
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1617 on: February 22, 2008, 09:31:51 PM »
;D ;D

I raise you this restaurant in Lake City, FL--just up the road from the tanker base;

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
 ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow:: ::bow::
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline TheSoccerMom

  • Chicken Farmer
  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2590
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1618 on: February 22, 2008, 11:25:01 PM »
Now THAT is a gem!!!     ::bow:: 

 ::rofl::

Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline G-man

  • Alpha Rooster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2047
  • Cogito sumere potum alterum.
Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #1619 on: February 23, 2008, 12:01:21 AM »
This will be for all the single guys, and those of us who live on the road..consider this my contribution to your well being. Today's lesson is laundry.

Now, you all know that I spend an average of nine months at a time on the road...and you have seen my "laundry" flow chart that I shared with all of you--Which I re-post now:



And assuming you end up washing your clothes..you will need to know how to fold a shirt..I am here to help:

http://www.dorks.com/videos/ftdhbf.html
Life may not be the party we hoped for---but while we're here--we might as well dance..........