Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1408858 times)

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #885 on: March 25, 2007, 04:09:16 PM »
Here's one for my favorite Idaho pilot (she knows who she be)

        Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
>their new wives duties.
>
>The first man had married a Woman from Colorado and had told her that she
>was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on
>the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
>
>The second man had married a woman from Nebraska He had given his wife
>orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The
>first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
>By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and
>there was a huge dinner on the table.
>
>The third man had married a girl from Idaho He told her that her duties
>were to keep the house cleaned,
>dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for
>every meal. He said the
>first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,
>but by the third day some of
>the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye,
>enough to fix himself a bite to
>eat and load the dishwasher


Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #886 on: March 25, 2007, 06:46:21 PM »
Here's one for my favorite Idaho pilot (she knows who she be)


 ::rofl::

Oldie but a goodie.
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #887 on: March 25, 2007, 09:29:42 PM »
Heh, heh, heh....  I LIKE that joke!!!   ;D

I think I resemble that remark!!   ;)

I am so glad you are back, quit spilling that Jack Daniels on the keyboard and keep typing buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 ::drinking::     ::drinking::     ::drinking::     ::drinking::

P.S.  Remind me sometime to tell you my chainsaw stories.....   ;) 
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #888 on: March 27, 2007, 12:46:03 AM »

P.S. Remind me sometime to tell you my chainsaw stories..... ;)


uhmmm  ::) for those you might have switch to a "chainsaw forum"  ::)  ::sulk::



HA HA!!! Just kidding! ::wave::

I think I speak for all of us whenI say we all wanna hear the chainsaw stories !!! (*insert intrigued smiley*)  ::rofl::


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #889 on: March 27, 2007, 12:56:54 AM »
 ::wave::

 
Subject: Last Child Support Check
 
 
Today is my baby girl's 18 birthday. I am so glad that this will be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments!
 
So I called my daughter, Lilly, and told her to come over to my house. And when she got there, I said ...
 
"I want you to take this check over to your mom's house and tell her that this is the last check she ever be getting from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression on your mom's face."
 
So Lilly takes the check over to her moms house. I am anxious to hear what she would say and what her face looks like.
 
When my daughter walked back through the door I said, "Now what did your mom say about that?"
 
She said to tell you that "You ain't my daddy" .... and watch the espression on your face.

 :o ::unbelieveable:: ::eek:: ::sick:: ::banghead::


Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #890 on: March 27, 2007, 07:02:03 AM »
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".
The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town to the brothel."
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Turbomallard

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #891 on: March 27, 2007, 02:40:35 PM »
"Do not read this signature under penalty of law."

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #892 on: March 27, 2007, 02:59:51 PM »
Wow, this is definately one place where women and men alike are equal, wicked jokes that would make mechanics gag!

Jim: Great one! That's what I call a DocuJoke. It's a joke, but it's also real :D Idaho women sound great! 8)

Soccermom: Is that a purple bunny in your latest avatar? Or is a My Little Pony or whatever that tv-show/toy-line was called?

TM: LOL I wonder if that was shown in their docusoap as well (called Airline, as opposed to Airport that was around Heathrow Airport)?
Maybe the apology would go something like this: EasyJet extends apology for classing all elderly people as livestock, that was a mistake, this only goes for mother-in-laws. ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Frank
« Last Edit: March 27, 2007, 03:02:27 PM by Frank N. O. »
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci

airtac

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #893 on: March 27, 2007, 05:00:55 PM »
GEE, that sounds like me with a British accent--Calling my house to sell something is not conducive to a fullfilling career day! ::knockedout::

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #894 on: March 27, 2007, 05:27:33 PM »
Maybe the apology would go something like this: EasyJet extends apology for classing all elderly people as livestock, that was a mistake, this only goes for mother-in-laws. ::rofl:: ::rofl::


this is excellent!  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #895 on: March 28, 2007, 04:06:07 PM »
Hey, Jim!  Good to see you're back.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. --Bruce Almighty

Offline Firegirl

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #896 on: March 28, 2007, 07:33:59 PM »
I was told my roots are Irish and it was St. Patricks day the other day so here we go:


 Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006



John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!


He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of
the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said,
Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.


The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at
the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

 She said,  "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.  You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell
asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him
come."

 ::wave:: ::angel::
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose. --- Jack Handy

Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #897 on: March 28, 2007, 07:42:52 PM »
Oh MAN, that is GOOD!!!   :D     :D     :D     :D
Don't make me come back there!!!!

Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #898 on: March 28, 2007, 07:52:57 PM »
On a similar Note...

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was  sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting
behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the
rear.


"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.


The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and
Savior?"

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again,
Johnny came to her
rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.


"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,
"Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

  The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after
she
had her twenty-third child?"


Again, Johnny came to the rescue.


This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that
damn
thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted........... ::eek::

Offline Frank N. O.

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #899 on: March 28, 2007, 09:01:23 PM »
As the danish comic who got Tony Curtis to come out of retirement to play a sissy FBI chief in a corny (but funny) danish movie once said as his trademark: Great god almighty on horseback! (translated from danish). That was one heck of a joke! And it's actually houseclean, except the thing that the catholic schoolgirl took the lord's name in vain (at least I think that's how it goes and what she did).

Frank
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."
Leonardo da Vinci