Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1384200 times)

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #840 on: February 20, 2007, 05:15:34 AM »
That was really egg-selent!  ::rofl:: |:)\


egg-selent, huh?!

pretty clever!  I like it!  ;D


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Offline cotejy

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #841 on: February 20, 2007, 03:22:05 PM »
Quote
On landing, the stewardess  said, "Please be
sure to take all of your belongings.  If you're  going to leave anything, please  make sure it's something we'd like to have."


I had a similar one last Sunday. Really happend when I was in this flight. United from Chicago to Montreal. This is what the flight attendant said:

"Please be sure verify the back seat pocket in front of you for any cell phones, ipod, or any other electronic device. If you forget one, no worries, you will find them on e-bay tomorrow morning. "

She said a copel of other but this was is funnyest. Other example of what she said:

"Good evening, my name is Kareen and the other flight attendent is John, if you have any questions or requests, don't hesitate to ask John".

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #842 on: February 20, 2007, 08:16:05 PM »
"Alright folks, Cap'n says you can sit wherever you want.   I suggest inside the airplane.   It gets kind of cold and windy on the outside."

-Me, yesterday.    Yeah, I borrowed from a line in this thread.


With the 1900 being a relatively small airliner, we sometimes tell people to sit in different sections of the airplane for weight and balance.  Before we boarded the passengers our conversation went something like this.

Me:  You care where they sit?
Him:  Naw, they can sit wherever they want.
Me (amusing myself):  As long as they sit inside the airplane! Right? (hehe)
Him (with a perfectly straight face): Naw, I don't care.  Wouldn't recommend it, but if they can hang on they can sit there.

After that little conversation I had a strong urge to try the above line.



My standard line when briefing electronic devices is:

"Please make sure at this time that any cellular telephones and other electronic devices are turned off at this time.  They do interfere with our communications and navigation equipment and as much as we do enjoy listening in to your conversations, it does interfere with our ATC communications"   

Yes we can hear the conversations over our headsets.  Text messages and rings make a weird pulse over them.  Pretty annoying actually.  ;)
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #843 on: February 21, 2007, 08:42:04 PM »
Nicknames:

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

Eating Out:

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $50, even though it's only for $115.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Shopping:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

Bathrooms:

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from ASDA.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Arguments:

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
The Future:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 
Success:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

Dressing Up:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

Natural appearance
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 
Children:

Ah, children!  A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,
secret-fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
 
What a Woman Says:
 
C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.

 
What a Man Hears:
 
C'MON! ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah,
blah, blah, NOW!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #844 on: February 21, 2007, 09:09:34 PM »

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 

OHHHHH MY GOD!!!!! that's so incredibly (and sadly) true!  ::banghead:: ::banghead::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #845 on: February 22, 2007, 02:57:55 AM »
Nice!

They are all kind of true.  ...aren't stereotypes great!!  ;D

My woman isn't like that though because she has worked around a lot of men all her life and know how we think (of better the lack of thinking  ;D )
I am lucky!!


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Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #846 on: February 22, 2007, 04:09:43 AM »
Nice!

They are all kind of true.  ...aren't stereotypes great!!  ;D

My woman isn't like that though because she has worked around a lot of men all her life and know how we think (of better the lack of thinking  ;D )
I am lucky!!

And where did you find such a lovely girl? Does she have a sister? ::)
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 04:45:00 AM by FlyboyGil »
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #847 on: February 22, 2007, 05:35:17 AM »
Here have some fun on an airplane. Bring your laptop, make sure the people beside you can see the screen, and click on this link
http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

You might get in trouble, but won't it be fun! :D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #848 on: February 22, 2007, 09:11:25 AM »
Here have some fun on an airplane. Bring your laptop, make sure the people beside you can see the screen, and click on this link
http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

You might get in trouble, but won't it be fun! :D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

And just how thick is your FBI file now??   ;D
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #849 on: February 22, 2007, 09:33:23 AM »
I don't think this is a repeat...

FIVE RULES FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from
time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't
lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes
to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each
other.
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #850 on: February 22, 2007, 05:11:36 PM »
Definitions of a Bachelor

* One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.

* One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.

* One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.

* One who can't be Spouse-Broken.

* One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she doesn't get a grip on him.

* One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.

* One who, when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, turns Stone-Deaf.

* One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline Mike

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #851 on: February 22, 2007, 07:16:50 PM »
Nice!

They are all kind of true.  ...aren't stereotypes great!!  ;D

My woman isn't like that though because she has worked around a lot of men all her life and know how we think (of better the lack of thinking  ;D )
I am lucky!!

And where did you find such a lovely girl? Does she have a sister? ::)

HA HA !! Many people ask me that!
No, she doesn't. I think if she did, she might have not turned out that way because of the increased female presence . . . ;)


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Offline tundra_flier

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #852 on: February 22, 2007, 07:20:47 PM »
Definitions of a Bachelor

* One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.

* One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.

* One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.

* One who can't be Spouse-Broken.

* One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she doesn't get a grip on him.

* One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.

* One who, when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, turns Stone-Deaf.

* One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.

Hmmm...sounds pretty familiar...I think I resemble that.   8)

Phil

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #853 on: February 24, 2007, 12:13:06 PM »
the importance of having sex with the partner before marriage..............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FnnTPzeT-k

Enjoy!  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Ted_Stryker

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #854 on: February 24, 2007, 01:18:49 PM »
the importance of having sex with the partner before marriage..............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FnnTPzeT-k

Enjoy!  ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl:: ::rofl::

Yipes!!!  Yeah... that's a sobering one alright!!!!   Whew!!!!
We're going to have to come in pretty low!  It's just one of those things you have to do... when you land!  -- Ted Striker - Airplane!