Author Topic: Humor....I need Humor!  (Read 1410594 times)

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #795 on: January 17, 2007, 01:32:26 AM »
I'd like to add something to my earlier post on gender differences;  ;D

For Words Women Use.

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying S$#&W YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to #3.


Offline Gulfstream Driver

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #796 on: January 17, 2007, 04:50:02 AM »
I hear #9 a lot.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.  --Bruce Almighty

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #797 on: January 17, 2007, 05:02:54 AM »
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:



        1. High fever
        2. Congestion
        3. Nausea
        4. Fatigue
        5. Aching in the joints
        6. An irresistible urge to sh*t on someone's windshield
« Last Edit: January 17, 2007, 05:08:01 AM by FlyboyGil »
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #798 on: January 17, 2007, 05:07:29 AM »
Interesting
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #799 on: January 17, 2007, 05:09:26 AM »
Interesting
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #800 on: January 17, 2007, 05:12:15 AM »
Where do eskimo's have their cemetaries?

Someone had to come in last in flight school. How do you know it wasn't your pilot?
IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING NICE, YOU'RE PROBABLY AT THE ICE CAPADES

Offline cotejy

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #801 on: January 17, 2007, 04:39:01 PM »
OMG, I just went throught the 54 pages. LOLLOLO.  ;D ::rofl:: There are some verry funny one there!


This morning, on the radio, they said that Newfounland just had their worst airplane tragedy. A Cessna 150 had to force land in St-John cemetery. Pilot survived but rescue team are counting 400 death and still digging.

Offline cotejy

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #802 on: January 17, 2007, 04:45:38 PM »
Police just pull over someone for a few trafic violation.

Police: Sir, I got you 20 mph over speed limit.
Driver: Really, I'm sorry, I haven't realized I was going that fast.
Women passenger: What, I just keep telling you so slow down.
Driver: Shut the f... up I'M doing the talking.
Police: And I saw you pass throught the red light over the last intersection.
Driver: Really, I haven't saw it.
Women passenger: Honey, I told you to stop and you just keep accelerate throught the red light.
Driver: You b..ch, I told you to sh.t the f. up....
Police: mam, does your husband always talk to you like that?
Women: No sir, just when he is drunk.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2007, 04:52:20 PM by cotejy »

Offline chuckar101

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #803 on: January 18, 2007, 01:13:48 AM »
That last was just plain mean.  Those optical illusion pictures are pretty cool.  I'm guessing there all black dots except for the ones your focusing on.  Very interesting.
WOW I did that!

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #804 on: January 19, 2007, 10:12:23 AM »
Wow, these illusions makes your brain spinning! :)

Wedding Registry
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline digits

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #805 on: January 20, 2007, 11:13:50 PM »
hehe, last one is goooooooood :d
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return. - Leonardo da Vinci

Offline happylanding

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #806 on: January 25, 2007, 09:31:14 PM »
22 Things To Never Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. Bad cop! No donut!
9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?
12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?
14. I pay your salary!
15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!
17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.
19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Offline Fekke

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #807 on: January 25, 2007, 10:28:33 PM »
Hahahaha  :D
Hilarious!  ::rofl::
If you catch my drift...

fireflyr

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #808 on: January 26, 2007, 11:27:50 PM »
BWAAAHAHAA, Good ones Happy ::wave::
I could have used some of those Monday, got stopped for 88 MPH just outside Winemmucca NV (70 zone), in all fairness though, he just gave me a warning ::sweat::

Offline Baradium

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Re: Humor....I need Humor!
« Reply #809 on: January 27, 2007, 04:51:35 AM »
Where do eskimo's have their cemetaries?

Someone had to come in last in flight school. How do you know it wasn't your pilot?

Sorry, I don't get the eskimo one....

 ::silly::
"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"