New CW Aircraft Glossary!

[Mike]

ZK Kiwi posted something in the "last two letters start a new word" that made me think of a new idea:

LEADING EDGE front of the wing, the part of the aircraft that specifically attracts insects, rocks, birds and people.

How about a CW Aircraft glossary with new Chuck-like definitions for every part and/or maneuver?   

Let's see:

PITOT TUBE . . .  a device to store bugs

You get the idea....

[G-man]

PITOT TUBE . . .  a device to store bugs

Or a handy dandy protrusion for hanging your helmet or bag on while you preflight.

[ZK Kiwi]

weather minima - whatever you are experiencing now, plus a bit worse.
Minimum safe altitude - a bit lower than whatever altitude you are now at.
Cowl fastener - optional device that acts as a miniature vortex generator and provides a mechanical rattle sound. When present, can be used to retain cowling halves.
Max all - up weight - Maximum weight the aircraft is certified to fly at, plus pilots flight bag (containing 3 Jeppesen manuals) 2 or 3 dozen cans of beer, 2 rifles with ammunition, "Big Al," your hunting Buddy and the carcass of an Elk deer.
Preflight Briefing - "Dont puke in the plane"
Pilots Flashlight - device for storing dead batteries
aeronautical chart - document telling you where to fly to get in the most trouble.

[gibbo_335]

STALL - what most pilots do when having to finalise paper work

[hookedonflight]

Circuits - Procedure that enables Instructors to get even with their students..

[Mike]

Propeller . . . device to suck up and distribute FOD and rocks evenly

FOD . . .  food for propellers

[ZK Kiwi]

Amphibian only Aircraft where you retract the wheels before you land
Drag male pilot wearing high heels and fishnets whilst flying
Gravity A serious visit by the FAA
Strut how a pilot walks once they have thier instructors rating
Fuel selector deciding whether the aircraft uses JetA1 or Avgas
Tie - downs device used to prevent aircraft flying unless someone is aboard. the likelihood of forgetting to remove Tie downs increases proportionately to the strenth of the device.
Three point landing ideal landing where 3 parts of the aircraft touch the ground simultaneously. Generally, the wheels are preferred
Wheeler Landing landing where the mainwheels touch the ground before the propeller
Bounce additional practice landings for extra experience
Go-around finding the aircraft is miraculously undamaged, have another go...

[ZK Kiwi]

Baggage door opening in the side of a light aircraft 2" smaller than the object you are trying to load through it.
Tailplane Pilot's portable writing desk
Adjustable Pilot's seat a seat that has a mechanism for altering discomfort
Mag Switch Hiding Playboy inside a Flight Magazine when the Wife / Girlfriend walks in.
Refuelling step device for standing on holding a fuel hose, whilst the aircraft rolls out of reach.
F16 Navigation device for guiding pilots out of restricted airspace
Oil essential lifeblood of all powerplants. correct quantity is indicated by a slick appearing out the breather tube. also applied regularly to engineers overalls as an indicator of experience and seniority.
Overall Dimensions Required size of "Top Gun" type flight suits.
Aircraft mechanic demigod-like being possessing the highest knowledge, wisdom, understanding and practical skills. Only person who can understand the systems schematics in the flight manual.

[4X-NTY]

Air Traffic Controller A human being that is there to nag you,sometimes mixed with Wife or Girlfriend.

Tower A wide pole made of hard materials, usually contains Air Traffic Controller/s. Pilots use as a challenge to see who can get closer to the tower with out touching it and/or losing their license.

[cotejy]

Good idea, maybe, we can write an official aricraft dictionnary if we can find a publisher... 

Vx = the speed used by the pilot who want to win the "chicken game" against the mountain.
Vne = the speed where the wings and the rest of the airplane are no longer required to stay together
Va = the speed prescribed when the wheater make the airplane go inverted.
Vso / Vfe = the fronteer between flying and falling
Vy = I need help there, any idea?

[cotejy]

Some other:

V1: the speed after which you don't want anyone in the cockpit to say "o shit".


Cockpit door: a device that when closed, allow pilot to sleep without inducing fear to the passengers.
Automatic pilot: a device that will do the pilot job until a pilot is needed.
Wing span: length equals to the distance between airport building and random obstacle minus one inch.

[spacer]

Chandelle: Maneuver in which the airplane does a 180-degree climbing turn, while the pilots stomach continues on a more normal ballistic path. Practitioners may be
known as Chandeliers.

Helicopter: Ten thousand assorted parts flying in close formation.

Auto-rotation: Emergency maneuver which involves trading airspeed/altitude for rotor rpm, and flaring with a hefty application of collective through the armpit. Done correctly, will not leave a tadpole-shaped hole in the ground.

[Mike]

Baggage door opening in the side of a light aircraft 2" smaller than the object you are trying to load through it.

HA HA !!! That's awesome! I soooooo can relate! Did you think of that one?!


"NO STEP" Label . . . an area of a fuselage, usually hard to read underneath a bunch of foot-prints....

[cotejy]

I just can't stop... ok, last one for today.

Cumulo-Granitus: Special cloud of very high density that you will find hidden inside other clouds. Those are so dense and flying into these might be hazardous. During clear day, those are often refered to as "mountain submit".

Mayday: word that have a special power called "inverted emotion". The more calmly you prononce it, the more people who hear it will think you are in trouble.

Do you guys know what the origin of Mayday? I was told this come from the french word "M'aider" which is pronounced mayday and mean "Help me". I guest a lot of english radio operators were confused when they heard the french pilots crying mayday just before something bad happend.

[leiafee]

Some weather ones...

METAR - encoded weather report, the length of which is inversely proportional to the odds said weather being good enough to fly.

TAF - encoded weather forecast produced by a skilled practitioner (in tea-leaf reading).

Depression - the effect a low-pressure weather system has on the pilot's mood.