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Author Topic: Only a Southerner knows  (Read 7331 times)

Offline Fabo

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Only a Southerner knows
« on: May 09, 2008, 05:41:29 PM »
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "pitch" them. - - - Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.,...


Full joke courtesy of JumboJoke - see http://www.jumbojoke.com/only_a_southerner_knows_1602.html Thought all y'all in 'ere might like it abit...
« Last Edit: May 10, 2008, 11:15:02 AM by Fabo »
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Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2008, 05:09:02 AM »
Huh???  Fabo, ah see one lil 'ole box with a red X in it...  is that the link yer talkin' about? 

 ::whistle:: ::whistle:: ::whistle:: ::whistle::
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"Me 'n Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline Oddball

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2008, 07:12:57 AM »
 ::thinking:: sorry mate nothing there  ::knockedout::
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Offline Fabo

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2008, 11:16:32 AM »
uh... errrm.... Please accept my appologies, my alcohol to blood level was not zero when I posted that... good joke still :)

Now: all-new first post! See for yourself! Link included - and all of that for FREE! ::wave::
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Offline Baradium

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2008, 09:31:55 PM »
Pretty true... except they did make some mistakes...

 :P
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"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
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But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
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Offline Fabo

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2008, 05:47:57 PM »
Next one, all y'all

Redneck Rules of Etiquette: http://www.jumbojoke.com/redneck_rules_of_etiquette_1612.html
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Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2008, 01:15:16 AM »
A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck hotel ?

When you call the front desk and say, I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies, Go ahead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ?

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder . .

1) The DNA is all the same

2) There's no dental records

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

Who invented the toothbrush ?  A Redneck.

(If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called a teeth brush.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16 and says to the driver, 'Got any I.D. ?' . . and the driver replies 'Bout wut ?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? . .

The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A new Redneck law was just recently passed .

When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear that the Redneck governor's mansion burned down ?

'Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.'

 
« Last Edit: May 15, 2008, 11:00:26 PM by FlyboyGil »
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Offline TheSoccerMom

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2008, 01:31:15 AM »
Haaaaa!!!!  Those are FUNNY..    ::rofl::

Especially the one about the drinking age being raised....!!    ::bow::

 :D
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Offline Rooster Cruiser

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2008, 04:15:05 AM »
Quote
A new Redneck law was just recently passed .

When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

The way ah heard this one was always as a question:

"If a man divorces his wife in Arkansas.....







Will she still be considered his sister?"

 >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D
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"Me 'n Earl was haulin' chickens / On a flatbed outta Wiggins..."

Wolf Creek Pass, by CW McCall

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2008, 11:04:20 PM »
If Norman Rockwell was a redneck:
A REDNECK THANKSGIVING
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Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2008, 01:18:39 AM »
 ::)
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Offline Baradium

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2008, 03:01:46 AM »
At my old job, the station in Galena, AK had a note on one of the doors about fuel cards.   It was a full page of words, about 16pt font so fairly glaring.... with just atrocious grammar.   Made me cringe every time I walked by it.

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"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground, and I won't back down"
  -Johnny Cash "I won't back Down"

Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2008, 01:55:48 PM »
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Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2008, 06:30:26 PM »
You Know you're a redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your life tim e goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
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Offline FlyboyGil

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Re: Only a Southerner knows
« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2009, 10:01:18 PM »
More!
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