Roost Air Lounge => General Discussion => Topic started by: Mike on January 23, 2006, 01:32:42 AM
Title: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 23, 2006, 01:32:42 AM
Let's start a new fun thread here in this forum! This one is about the greates lies in aviation. I go first:
From the airline world: "We will be on time, maybe even early."
From the maintenance world: "Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock."
FAA: "I'm always glad to see the FAA."
From Chucks little world where he is god: "I'm a member of the mile high club."
Can you think of any? ;) ;D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: fireflyr on January 23, 2006, 03:40:17 AM
To the Forest Service; Sure, I have over 100 hours in that model airplane!
To other pilots; Man, I greased it on so smooth the guy didn't know we landed!
To non-pilots; (guys) Yeah, the babes really go for a pilot, I gotta beat'em off with a stick!
To non-pilots; (women) Well, I guess you could say that some people consider me a hero but Shucks, I was just doin' my job!
To the press; (guy reporter) DANGEROUS!!!!---why, the drive to the airport is the riskiest part of the trip!
To the press; (female reporter) DANGEROUS!---Heck lady, we're out here saving lives, you don't have to call us heroes! (do you see the common thread here?)
To anyone in a bar; (after 6 drinks) If I told you about my war experiences, HELL, I'd have to kill ya!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 23, 2006, 05:16:45 AM
HA HA! Those are great Jim!
Check these out:
In the IFR world:
"Me? I've never busted minimums." or
"The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR!"
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on January 23, 2006, 12:12:47 PM
Hmm...everything is nice :D Heres one... I once parachuted from a flying Boeing 747 ,perfect landing and all!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Sleek-Jet on January 23, 2006, 01:37:56 PM
"I don't tell women that I fly fighters. I tell them I'm a janitor or sewer worker, something like that"
Told to me by an F18 driver in Albequerque one night on their way back to San Diego... ;D ;D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 23, 2006, 05:00:12 PM
This one I hear a lot as chief pilot:
"Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft."
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Inept on January 23, 2006, 05:30:26 PM
From CFIs:
"I did that intentionally to show you how not to do it"
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on January 23, 2006, 07:28:45 PM
Inept that was pure genious :D
Hmm.... 16 G's ? Blehh! When i was in Vietnam i did 25 with a Phantom!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Gulfstream Driver on January 23, 2006, 11:47:54 PM
"I did that intentionally to show you how not to do it"
You mean you didn't believe your CFI when they told you that?
From the FAA: "I'm from the FAA, and I'm here to help."
From Instrument rated pilot (i.e. Chuck in a recent strip from Trade-a-Plane): "Man, what an approach. I broke out right at minimums!"
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 24, 2006, 01:42:16 AM
another one from the fire world: (but it applies to aviation in general)
"We'll be home by lunchtime."
;D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Inept on January 24, 2006, 02:55:37 PM
From CFI on crosscountry: "Of course I know where we are, this is a test to make sure you dnow where we are"
Less of a lie, more of a 'famous last words' thing:
newly certificated private pilot with skiddish passenger in C-150:
Pilot: They've spent over 40 hours training me in this plane, and I'm a certified pilot now. This is safe, legal, and will be fun Passenger: Well, alright, I suppose so Pilot: Great!! Chicago O'Hare, here we come!!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on January 24, 2006, 03:13:19 PM
Blergh...got to think of something.... <IF a parachutist is attempting his/hers first jump ,the instructor will ask : READY ? if the parachutist says no ,the instructor still throws him out (no worries - the instructor pulls the cord).So once we had this little joke :) Instructor : READY ? Parachutist : NO! Instructor : go! * 2 second pause* GO!!!! *two seconds* GO GODDAMN IT! (yelling) * 2 seconds * Please go ? (very gently) and the parachutist jumped
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Firegirl on January 24, 2006, 07:26:25 PM
I am 22, have a 4 year degree and 6000 hours total time.
;)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 25, 2006, 06:07:21 AM
"This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent."
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Plthijnx on January 25, 2006, 01:37:49 PM
MEI: "when i fail the left engine in the traffic pattern, you won't be scared. i promise."
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on January 25, 2006, 01:52:23 PM
Ladies and Gentelmen ,if you look out of the right window ,you can see that the right engine has stopped working ,and if you run to the left window ,you can see that the left one istn either ,and now if you run fast back to the right one ,you can see our brave crew parachuting to safety ,have a nice landing
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: KELPkid on January 25, 2006, 08:59:09 PM
How about this one:
"Yes, Mr. FAA Ramp Inspector, I was instrument current, night current, and flight current, and the plane had a VOR check in the last 30 days and all required inspections when I shot the VOR approach at night in actual IMC with my wife on board 10 minutes ago." :P
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on January 25, 2006, 09:58:09 PM
This a actual thing happened to me and my buddies in Ämari
Me : ok you guys ready ? Others : Yep ! Me : Ok ,lets go ! Panda : WAIIIIIT! Me : What ? Panda : i cant find my shovel!
We were doing a ,,jump-on-what-you-can'' jump ,i had a bucket :)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 26, 2006, 01:07:21 AM
"Yes, Mr. FAA Ramp Inspector, I was instrument current, night current, and flight current, and the plane had a VOR check in the last 30 days and all required inspections when I shot the VOR approach at night in actual IMC with my wife on board 10 minutes ago." :P
Good one KELPkid! packed a bunch of lies in one sentence even...
How about this one (speaking of IFR):
"If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights."
or another one from the maintenance world:
"We shipped the part yesterday."
(HA HA, this is one of my favorites, but not when it really happens to me)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: fireflyr on January 26, 2006, 05:11:18 PM
To the FSDO examiner: DARN, I DID THREE PERFECT APPROACHES YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Roland on January 26, 2006, 07:06:22 PM
Engineer: “Any problems with this aircraft?”
Pilot: “No!”
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on January 26, 2006, 08:51:26 PM
Engineer : So ,you do realize that you cant fly with that bird TODAY Pilot : Yeah....
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Sleek-Jet on January 26, 2006, 10:47:33 PM
... well... it's cheaper than women... :D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: fireflyr on January 27, 2006, 12:42:59 AM
HAHAHAHA----"cheaper than women"----What a sexist remark!!!----and how true!!! Of course, the opposite is true for the aviators of the opposite sexual persuasion so "it's also cheaper than men"-----HAHAHAHA!!!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 27, 2006, 12:51:39 AM
good one guys!
Maybe we should make a t-shirt series out of it or something with Chuck on it quoting all those lies...
and another one:
"All you have to do is follow the book." ;D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Firegirl on January 27, 2006, 03:56:20 AM
HAHAHAHA----"cheaper than women"----What a sexist remark!!!----and how true!!! Of course, the opposite is true for the aviators of the opposite sexual persuasion so "it's also cheaper than men"-----HAHAHAHA!!!
Heh heh heh....both are true.
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: mdachs on January 27, 2006, 05:53:32 AM
When flying commercial and the person sitting next too you asks if you could land the plane in an emergency:
Land? Sure I can land it. This 747 is a lot bigger then the 172 i fly, but when you get down to it, a plane is a plane.
or:
What kind of plane do I fly? well,let me put it this way...you see that big one over there with 4 engines, thats a C-130....and i fly a C-172....
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 28, 2006, 12:36:59 AM
"Of course I did a thorough preflight! I always do.! ;)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: fireflyr on January 28, 2006, 12:43:42 PM
Yes Sir, I'd be glad to be to instruct for your FBO and the wages are extremely fair!!!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Ted_Stryker on January 31, 2006, 06:36:14 PM
"I meant to do that!"
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on January 31, 2006, 06:47:27 PM
I'm a member of the mile high club. 8)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Sleek-Jet on February 01, 2006, 07:12:13 PM
I've never been lost.... :D ;D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Firegirl on February 02, 2006, 02:27:08 AM
To the FAA:
Yes sir, I ALWAYS use my checklist.
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on February 02, 2006, 11:16:22 PM
No, it already was like that before I took the aircraft.
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Witchblade on February 08, 2006, 02:43:38 AM
"I was just checking that you're awake..."
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on February 08, 2006, 03:04:12 AM
Of course I know where we are.
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Firegirl on February 08, 2006, 06:27:10 AM
All that turbulence spoiled my landing. ;)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: fireflyr on February 08, 2006, 04:29:22 PM
You were talking too much on final and I forgot to flare!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on February 12, 2006, 05:48:35 PM
I only need glasses for reading.
(from some of the old-bold pilots... ;D)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Frank N. O. on February 12, 2006, 06:53:37 PM
Good ones, that last one reminds me of the saying: There are old pilots and there are bold pilots but there are no old bold pilots.
Frank
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on February 13, 2006, 03:45:12 AM
True!
But I have seen old bald pilots !! HA HA HA :D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on February 13, 2006, 03:02:01 PM
I know this manual by heart!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Have Blue on February 13, 2006, 11:29:36 PM
"Pshh, it was easy!"
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Frank N. O. on February 14, 2006, 02:30:41 AM
Actually flew with a guy the other day that landed better without his glasses than with. He said he doesn't have depth perception without his glasses and flies the plane down on the runway, rather than trying to land.
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Ted_Stryker on February 14, 2006, 05:02:33 PM
Actually flew with a guy the other day that landed better without his glasses than with. He said he doesn't have depth perception without his glasses and flies the plane down on the runway, rather than trying to land.
I think we've discovered a new kind of aviator then!! You've come across a rare species in fact! They are called "Magooviators"! :D
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on February 15, 2006, 01:33:54 AM
I had a student who could only do two or three autorotations in a row because he got so nervous about them that he started sweating so hard his glasses would fog up! We hat to set the helo down and he needed to clean his glasses every time, ha ha
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Frank N. O. on February 15, 2006, 01:58:50 AM
Lol at both of you. Autorotation is when an emergency landing using the remaining forward and rotor-speed when the engines are switched off (to practice for a engine-failure) right? Doesn't sound fun if he got so nervous, but on the other hand as the classic saying goes: What's the big thing on top of a helicopter for? To keep the pilot cool, if you don't believe me then switch it off and see him sweat :D
Frank
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Jay512 on February 23, 2006, 04:46:58 AM
The only good icing is the kind you can scrape off of the plane after you land and put it in your soda!
FSS over headset: theres light to moderate rime in your area!
Passenger in back: is that grapefruits or oranges?
Training flight from Des Moines (KDSM) to Rush City (KROS)
Somewhere over Minneapolis Class B:
ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 090. Pilot: Turn to 090, Eight Zero Uniform. ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 180. Pilot: Turn to 180, Eight Zero Uniform. ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 270. Pilot: Turn to 270, Eight Zero Uniform. ATC: Cessna Eight Zero Uniform, turn to 360. Pilot: Turn to 360, Eight Zero Uniform, and my instructor wants to know why we did that circle? ATC: Your flight plan form says "IFR Training Flight" were just getting you ready for an extremely long hold over LENNK. Pilot: We will be waiting for that long hold over... hey!
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Mike on March 02, 2006, 10:45:07 PM
Here is a good one: One of my pilots told me that when he was talking about the sling job he did:
"I was right at red line the whole time!"
HAHA, I am sure the aviators among you know what that means.... ;)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Ted_Stryker on March 02, 2006, 11:01:16 PM
Another good one:
It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: Firegirl on March 03, 2006, 10:31:39 PM
Of course I cool down my turbine for 2 minutes every time, sometimes I do an even longer cool-down.
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: SkyKing on March 19, 2006, 10:15:38 AM
Any good flying lie has to start with the traditional opener:
"There I was, flat on my back, outta fuel, outta ammo, no commo and I had to p**s!"
Rotorheads substitution ". . .at 5000 feet" for "flat on my back" . . .
FACs version: "There I was, fifty feet over the Trail, outta fuel, outta markers, no commo, fast movers inbound, and I had to p**s"
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: wbarnhill on March 20, 2006, 07:03:46 AM
"You need any fuel?" "Nah, we've got enough." (Sadly, this lie is heard far too many times.)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: C310RCaptian on March 20, 2006, 09:45:17 PM
Who hasnt done this one.....
PAX-How fast are we going?
Pilot-About 170 Knotts over the ground
PAX-How fast is that in miles per hour?
Pilot- O' Bout 260MPH!!!!!
(True conversion for those who dont know is 1.15x Knotts)
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: SkyKing on May 02, 2006, 08:59:51 PM
Actually flew with a guy the other day that landed better without his glasses than with. He said he doesn't have depth perception without his glasses and flies the plane down on the runway, rather than trying to land.
Chuck, is that you?
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: FlyingBlind on May 30, 2006, 09:59:00 PM
Hmm, this thread is loosing its former glory! Lock it, ooh humble Capitoons :P
Did you re-pack your parachute ? Yeah yeah..naturally
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: SteepTurn on June 05, 2006, 05:04:08 PM
don't worry, this noise is absolutely normal ???
Title: Re: Greatest Lies in Aviation!
Post by: spacer on June 05, 2006, 08:08:01 PM
