Roost Air Lounge => General Discussion => Topic started by: Fabo on May 09, 2008, 05:41:29 PM
Title: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Fabo on May 09, 2008, 05:41:29 PM
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "pitch" them. - - - Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.,...
Full joke courtesy of JumboJoke - see http://www.jumbojoke.com/only_a_southerner_knows_1602.html (http://www.jumbojoke.com/only_a_southerner_knows_1602.html) Thought all y'all in 'ere might like it abit...
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Rooster Cruiser on May 10, 2008, 05:09:02 AM
Huh??? Fabo, ah see one lil 'ole box with a red X in it... is that the link yer talkin' about?
::whistle:: ::whistle:: ::whistle:: ::whistle::
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Oddball on May 10, 2008, 07:12:57 AM
::thinking:: sorry mate nothing there ::knockedout::
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Fabo on May 10, 2008, 11:16:32 AM
uh... errrm.... Please accept my appologies, my alcohol to blood level was not zero when I posted that... good joke still :)
Now: all-new first post! See for yourself! Link included - and all of that for FREE! ::wave::
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Baradium on May 10, 2008, 09:31:55 PM
Pretty true... except they did make some mistakes...
:P
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Fabo on May 14, 2008, 05:47:57 PM
Next one, all y'all
Redneck Rules of Etiquette: http://www.jumbojoke.com/redneck_rules_of_etiquette_1612.html (http://www.jumbojoke.com/redneck_rules_of_etiquette_1612.html)
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on May 15, 2008, 01:15:16 AM
A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck hotel ?
When you call the front desk and say, I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies, Go ahead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder . .
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There's no dental records
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
Who invented the toothbrush ? A Redneck.
(If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called a teeth brush.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16 and says to the driver, 'Got any I.D. ?' . . and the driver replies 'Bout wut ?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? . .
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new Redneck law was just recently passed .
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that the Redneck governor's mansion burned down ?
'Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.'
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: TheSoccerMom on May 15, 2008, 01:31:15 AM
Haaaaa!!!! Those are FUNNY.. ::rofl::
Especially the one about the drinking age being raised....!! ::bow::
:D
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Rooster Cruiser on May 15, 2008, 04:15:05 AM
Quote
A new Redneck law was just recently passed .
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
The way ah heard this one was always as a question:
"If a man divorces his wife in Arkansas.....
Will she still be considered his sister?"
>:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on May 15, 2008, 11:04:20 PM
If Norman Rockwell was a redneck: A REDNECK THANKSGIVING
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on May 17, 2008, 01:18:39 AM
::)
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: Baradium on May 26, 2008, 03:01:46 AM
At my old job, the station in Galena, AK had a note on one of the doors about fuel cards. It was a full page of words, about 16pt font so fairly glaring.... with just atrocious grammar. Made me cringe every time I walked by it.
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on September 06, 2008, 01:55:48 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBocef6iQps
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on December 06, 2008, 06:30:26 PM
You Know you're a redneck when...
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is a vice on the work bench
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean ?
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your life tim e goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal*Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on January 11, 2009, 10:01:18 PM
More!
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: FlyboyGil on July 13, 2009, 10:16:45 PM
Redneck Medical Dictionary:
Artery.........................The study of paintings Bacteria......................Back door to cafeteria Barium........................What doctors do when patients die Benign........................ What you be, after you be eight Caesarean Section........ A neighbourhood in Rome Cat scan.......................Searching for Kitty Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her Colic........................... A sheep dog Coma...........................A punctuation mark Dilate......................... To live long Enema...........................Not a friend Fester.......................... Quicker than someone else Fibula.......................... A small lie Impotent.......................Distinguished, well known Labour Pain................... Getting hurt at work Medical Staff................. A Doctor's cane Morbid......................... A higher offer Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates Node............................ I knew it Outpatient...................... A person who has fainted Pelvis................. ......... Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative............ A letter carrier Recovery Room.......... Place to do upholstery Rectum......................... Nearly killed him Secretion...................... Hiding something Seizure........................ Roman emperor Tablet.......................... A small table Terminal Illness............ Getting sick at the airport Tumour........................ One, plus one more Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out
Title: Re: Only a Southerner knows
Post by: spacer on July 14, 2009, 03:20:33 AM
Hey. Our Governor moved out of the doublewide into a proper mansion a while back. Also, the First Trailer(Clinton presidential library) has survived a few storms so far, but we're still hoping for better luck.
