Greatest Lies in Aviation!

[Mike]

Let's start a new fun thread here in this forum!
This one is about the greates lies in aviation. I go first:

From the airline world:
"We will be on time, maybe even early."

From the maintenance world:
"Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock."

FAA:
"I'm always glad to see the FAA."

From Chucks little world where he is god:
"I'm a member of the mile high club."

Can you think of any?

[fireflyr]

To the Forest Service;
Sure, I have over 100 hours in that model airplane!

To other pilots;
Man, I greased it on so smooth the guy didn't know we landed!

To non-pilots;  (guys)
Yeah, the babes really go for a pilot, I gotta beat'em off with a stick!

To non-pilots;  (women)
Well, I guess you could say that some people consider me a hero but Shucks, I was just doin' my job!

To the press;  (guy reporter)
DANGEROUS!!!!---why, the drive to the airport is the riskiest part of the trip!

To the press;  (female reporter)
DANGEROUS!---Heck lady, we're out here saving lives, you don't have to call us heroes!  (do you see the common thread here?)

To anyone in a bar;  (after 6 drinks)
If I told you about my war experiences, HELL, I'd have to kill ya!

[Mike]

HA HA!
Those are great Jim!

Check these out:

In the IFR world:

"Me? I've never busted minimums."
or

"The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR!"

[FlyingBlind]

Hmm...everything is nice
Heres one...
I once parachuted from a flying Boeing 747 ,perfect landing and all!

[Sleek-Jet]

"I don't tell women that I fly fighters.  I tell them I'm a janitor or sewer worker, something like that"

Told to me by an F18 driver in Albequerque one night on their way back to San Diego...

[Mike]

This one I hear a lot as chief pilot:

"Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft."

[Inept]

From CFIs:

"I did that intentionally to show you how not to do it"

[FlyingBlind]

Inept that was pure genious

Hmm....
16 G's ? Blehh! When i was in Vietnam i did 25 with a Phantom!

[Gulfstream Driver]

From CFIs:

"I did that intentionally to show you how not to do it"

You mean you didn't believe your CFI when they told you that?

From the FAA:
"I'm from the FAA, and I'm here to help."

From Instrument rated pilot (i.e. Chuck in a recent strip from Trade-a-Plane):
"Man, what an approach.  I broke out right at minimums!"

[Mike]

another one from the fire world:
(but it applies to aviation in general)


"We'll be home by lunchtime."


 

[Inept]

From CFI on crosscountry:
"Of course I know where we are, this is a test to make sure you dnow where we are"



Less of a lie, more of a 'famous last words' thing:

newly certificated private pilot with skiddish passenger in C-150:

Pilot: They've spent over 40 hours training me in this plane, and I'm a certified pilot now.   This is safe, legal, and will be fun
Passenger: Well, alright, I suppose so
Pilot: Great!!  Chicago O'Hare, here we come!!

[FlyingBlind]

Blergh...got to think of something....
<IF a parachutist is attempting his/hers first jump ,the instructor will ask : READY ? if the parachutist says no ,the instructor still throws him out (no worries - the instructor pulls the cord).So once we had this little joke
Instructor : READY ? Parachutist : NO! Instructor : go! * 2 second pause* GO!!!! *two seconds* GO GODDAMN IT! (yelling) * 2 seconds * Please go ? (very gently) and the parachutist jumped

[Firegirl]

I am 22, have a 4 year degree and 6000 hours total time.

 

[Mike]

"This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent."

[Plthijnx]

MEI: "when i fail the left engine in the traffic pattern, you won't be scared. i promise."