So you wanna be a helicopter pilot....

[Mike]

This is how your life will be like, in case you're wondering:

 
Grand Canyon Tour (South Rim):
Get up at 4:30 am, drive 90 miles to ditch, have 5th cup of coffee, preflight, pee, get in, start up, load up midwestern beefeaters, fly for 30 minutes, fly for 30 minutes, fly for 30 minutes, fly for an hour, fly for 30 minutes, fly for an hour, Can I have a break? No, Ok, fly for 30 minutes, fly for 30 minutes, fly for 30 minutes, fly for 30 minutes, fly for 30 minutes, fly for an hour, get out, tie down acft, PEE, drive 90 miles home, eat, sleep, repeat.
 
Hawaii Tour:
See above but get to wear funky hawaii shirt and shorts.
 
Offshore Oil:
See above but the tourists smell bad and the river is a lot bigger.
 
Tuna Spotting:
See above but you get to chant, Where da fish, where da fish?
 
Powerline Patrol:
See above but you get to say, Tower One, Tower Two, Tower Three, Tower Four, Tower Five....Tower 496, Tower 467, etc
 
Pipeline Patrol:
See above but you get to say, Yep, it's a pipeline, Yep, its a pipeline, Yep, it's a pipeline, etc... sh#! there's a wire!...Ok, yep, it's a pipeline.......
 
EMS:
Get to work, have 7th cup of coffee, preflight, pee, news at 6, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP- Motorcycle -vs- Big Rig, fly 20 minutes, load patient, Yuuuuuko, that looks like it hurts, fly 20 minutes, offload, debrief, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, go home.
 
Logging:
Get up at 5, have 3rd cup of coffee, preflight, Comin' Up, log, log, log, log, log, log, log, log, log, log, Wipe up CPs puke, log, log, log, log, log, log, log, log, Etc, shut down, go home, drink massive amounts of beer at the local Hooters.
 
Fire Fighting:
Get up at 4am, drive an hour, have 9th cup of coffee, mission plan, you want to WHAT? put on bucket, go to fire, oh Big fire, up, down, fetch a pail of water, repeat 160 times, shut down, wait until 14 hours is over, out of duty time, find tent, eat at base camp, visit little blue room, sleep, up again at 5 am, repeat.
 
CFI:
Get up at 9am, have 10 cups of coffee, wait for no shows, answer phone- yes, this is the coolest job in the world, tell stories, complain about the lack of female students, Non-English speaking student shows up, preflight, flight, repeat All student radio calls to tower, back on couch, more stories, fly with another student, SCREAM I HAVE THE CONTROLS!, repeat 20 times, after the hour flight clean shorts, repeat 5 times, go home knowing you are the pilot GOD that saved the R22 from the clutches of the student pilot, try and forget that all you made was $40, drink a beer (hopefully donated from a friend) and try not to think about all your bills, call girlfriend and try and convince her she's lucky to be dating a (broke) helicopter pilot, get on PC and type up resume, Yep- gettin' there: 252.4 hours, look for way to get turbine job without flight time, go to sleep on floor, dream about how great its going to be working as a REAL pilot some day.

[G-man]

And to add:

"CIRCLES"

If you want a successful career as a helicopter pilot, you neeed to feel a deep love for "Circles". The "circle" is the first thing you will learn how to do when you are introduced to flying helicopters. It starts to get old during your first one hundred hours of flight experience, but the promise that "circles" will soon be a part of your past is what keeps you going. Unfortunitely "circles" are what you are going to be making for the duration of your career.

Your first job, after teaching others how to make "circles", is probably making "circles" doing tour flying. It's very funny that they say "circles" with an "S" (which leads you to believe that you might actually fly more than one route during your tour guiding career). "Circle" is what they should call it since the most excitement you will get out of flying tours is being able to say "Ya...I'm a REAL commercial helicopter pilot."

If you don't decide to do tours it's likely you will get hooked up with a logging operation. Ya, they make "circles" too. Really tight quick "circles", except YOU don't get to make them. You get to see them being made while you puke your guts out. And...Oh ya...your job is to count the "circles".

If you're real smart you will take on one of those "gulf jobs" where you don't have to make "circles". You get to make straight lines. Pretty exciting flying. After you make your initial climb out (to an altitude of 500 feet) you start monitoring your instrument guages. You never know when you're going to pop into IMC and start utilizing that instrument rating you paid dearly for. Although it pays more than your average grocery cart retrieving job you don't get to maneuver it back and forth in a creative "S" turn fashion while making your way back to shore. Those guys in the back (who by the way make triple your salary) don't like it. Better not piss them off three times in a row 'cause they'll get you canned in a heartbeat.

Now law inforcement...there's a job. Go to California and make "circles". The great thing about the CHP is that you get to make all the "circles" you want. I know...so why all of the sudden is making "circles" so much fun?!!...well I'll tell you. Because you don't have to unless you want to. The truth is, the CHP are allowed to do whatever the hell they want. OF COURSE they are all operating within their own personal limits. They're the CHP. You know...the ones who set the standard for commercial flying.

I don't mean to lead you on. Flying "circles" is fun, at first. Try this...sit in your fake leather computer chair and spin around a couple times. This effect may be accentuated after chugging a few cold Coors Lites. If you do this a few hundred thousand times you can begin to appreciate the joy of flying helicopters. Just remember...clear your turns 'cause your soon to be ex-wife doesn't like it when you spill beer on her carpet!

[Chopper Doc]

Wow, guys, and I thought engineers had a jaded view of pilots...

[undatc]

So what im getting out of this, is that logging is the best gig.  Lots of flying, with lots of beer and owls.

 

Side note, I watched a AS65 (Coast Guard Helo) make a 45 minute approach Tuesday, followed by the missed for yet another 35 min approach.  Most painful hour and a half of my life.

[TheSoccerMom]

Hmmmph, jaded or not, I STILL want to be a helicopter pilot....  there's just that minor issue of the money....   

That was the very first machine that I ever got to fly in, and I'll never forget it!!!!!!!       

That was what made me go find an airport, and start down this crazy road....           


 

[Plthijnx]

i'm still lookin' for a job in engineering so i can afford get my helo rating. erf.